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  1. Woo! How does has it been, legitimately ~five months. FIVE MONTHS! I haven't had any amazing hypnosis breakthroughs, but I may begin work with all of the free time I have in the backwater that is Mississippi. Some things that have happened;

    • My brother found out that I stray from his moral expectations, he ended up heavily insulting me, going on about how I should be institutionalized, and we're pretty blegh now. I'm not pretending it didn't happen, I'm not sorry for what had set him off. It's just a change, just like I'm now half way across Amerika from him.
    • My uncle has actually been great to me since I arrived in Mississippi. I haven't publicly stated it, but I am a transsexual. I have been transitioning since I was twelve, socially and medically. I pass as a female often and live as a female in my daily life, he hasn't been an asshole to me. He attempts to use my pronouns and my name, unlike my gay uncle on the other side of my family (which had molested me and refused to recongize my transition) and even my brother who began to deadname me after our fallout.
    • In fact, this Sunday (after Church) we're going to go shooting at a hundred acre farm owned by friends and family. I want to learn how to use firearms because, in Mississippi and especially Jackson city, crime is relatively high to Washington. Where I arrived here from.
    • I'm starting to feel more comfortable with being a human, in fact I am finding actual attraction to human men and in general I don't have such a drive to be an Equine.
    • Did I mention I was in a domestic violence shelter for a month? Yeah! That, I was pretty reclusive and kept to myself. It's a part of why I've been so down recently, including everything else. I hate being around people, I hugely prefer private and quiet spaces where I can just breathe.

    I could attempt to go into further detail, but I've gotten a lot out and off my chest.

    That's all for now

  2. Hey everyone! Thought I'd post a small update here, since it's been a while.

    Well y'all know that I'm mostly in the discord, as is most of the community at this point. But the forums are here too so I poked in too~

    Now what's happened? I've not done a file in months, and I've no class because of an inside protest in my uni, so things are pretty stagnant. Well, about what I've experienced: Some feeling of not belonging, being out of place in this part of the world that I got to live in... but I can't pinpoint where I want to go, much like the feeling of homesickness that the files sometimes bring, but nowhere to call home.

    I preserve my figure, considering I always walk down a hill and up another to visit my grandma these days, my uncle pointed out how slim I was and it made me feel kinda proud. And now I'm gonna start going to the uni's football field to do some workouts again! I did one today and kinda felt pony ears while jogging, it was neat.

    So yeah, as short as that was, it's just an update so you know I'm still kicking :P. Take it easy, later y'all~


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    Recent Entries

    Latest Entry

    I was meaning to post on yesterday, but I was playing Skyrim VR all day. >.< I suppose I should start with the effects I've felt over the week.

    It's gotten normal for my hands to go numb (and difficult to move my fingers unless I "switch" out of my hooves) in the hypnosis files, but as the days passed this week I started to feel my whole body feeling a similar thing too. It's almost as though my body wasn't sending quite as many signals, but it wasn't quite completely numb. I had a sense of where my pony body was, and had a vague sense of sensory input from it. The first few days was a bit messy in terms of details, but now it's starting to get a bit more accurate in terms of the form that I am taking. The brush in the new pegasus file was amazing in shaping my tail and mane! Before that file, I was having difficulty visualizing my tail correctly.

    A few times, the colors of my coat and mane was off, but I'm wondering if that is based on my previous files a year or so ago (at one point I was Rainbow Dash, for instance). By Sunday morning, though, I was able to immerse myself enough to have a sense of my pony body's weight and even vaguely feel my wings if I concentrate. Same goes with the ears, there. I could use a bit more practice in making the sensations more noticeable. Oh! And also, on Friday while I was at work and there wasn't much to do, Vinyl (my tulpa) was really active. We spent pretty much the whole day together. ^^

    I've also been searching inside myself, and I think I communicated with a part of myself which had been damaged and the root of many of my issues from a few years ago. This part of myself took the form of my old OC, as I pretty much... split myself, years ago. It was one of my mistakes, but I've been coming to terms with myself this past year so things have been getting better. I'm finally giving this part of myself some love and empathy, rather than shunning myself away. Interesting now that this part of myself is taking a mental form of my old pegasus OC... the one that was more shy. When conversing with this part of me (much like how I talk with a tulpa, but still definitely different), I wondered afterwards if this is a part of my "true" pegasus self... I've already changed my form so many times, I guess I just want stability as Astral Amity, but I can't shake off the feeling that this is still a part of me. Maybe I can still  take the form of Astral, but minor changes might occur with me as I come to terms more with myself.

    This was a lengthy post. :v Anyway, to sum it up, I am getting closer to my first goal of focusing on my pony form consistently, though I do still need work. Making sure I am not too tired before hypnosis as well as not playing any videogames right before. That way I can have focused visuals coming in that are not influenced by much else.

    Until next week.

  3. Hey everypony! Im... roughly two months late to post this 5 year anniversary type post >.<

    but yeah! its been... 5 years since I first started pony hypnosis, and its been 5 years since I joined hypnoponies. April 29th 2013. though its also been 5 years since I got into my little pony in the first place :Derp: but yeah! also... just coincidentally this is my 5th entry, i did not do this on purpose i swear

    it.. honestly feels like yesterday that I was in grade 8, joining hypnoponies and being pinkie pie. and going through grade 9 and parts of grade 10 as rainbow dash.  I honestly don't know where I would be without pony hypnosis, made a lot of friends, really close friends, and.. lost touch with a lot of friends.. but its been amazing either way. it helped me discover my true self, and discovered a lot about myself.. the main one being, loving to be a mare, and I realized I was transgender. personally, I wish I was still in high school, still going through pony hypnosis, because that was the best time of my life. excluding grade 11, where I went through depression and heck, hypnoponies went through... 3 forums. (actually 4 I think, it was hypnopony.n or something than that was shut down and it was moved to hypnoponies.niceboard) there was the niceboard forum, the .net (I think it was ipboard? not sure, somepony correct me on that) and hypnoponies technically died, but this forum was created in place of hypnoponies and the majority of the community is here, so I would just say its the 3rd (or 4th) forum.

    I recently found some old pictures I had when I was a rainbow dash as well. it was pictures of me, and my tulpas at the time, pinkie and derpy, because it was a trend back then to have pictures of tulpas with their host. I.. stopped at pinkie and derpy with profile pictures because I thought there would would be way too much that it would be hard to see what ponies were in the profile picture (since my tulpa count was growing, and I have 12 now). ive always wanted to commission a grand portrait of my tulpas, and their unique looks but I never actually had the money to get it done.


    so many memories of the old hypnoponies. I still remember ponies calling the forum "a home away from home" and our little equestria, where everypony knows everypony, the community now, just from personal feelings seems... more distant. a lot of the old ponies that made hypnoponies fun, or ones that still held on the belief that we are all discovering our trueselves or other self discovery and seeing hypnosis as more spiritual then just hypnosis left. (granted... some came back after equestrian souls was created.. but that was only some, not all) I... personally was considering leaving the community as well... about early last year or late 2016 because the community didn't seem to be the community I loved anymore, but I decided to stay due to friends... after equestrian souls,  the community seemed to rebuild it self a bit and have a new start, but the forums is... dead, not many ponies are recording their experiences in journals anymore and its mostly on discord. sharing experiences there where the chat moves so fast not many can actually read other's experiences if they fell asleep or had to do something for a few hours. at least on the forums you could always come back to a community sharing their experiences for everypony to read, and its not really going anywhere, unless of course, the community was shut down abruptly so you can read pages upon pages of them and comment and just... it felt like it brought the community together, talking about hypnosis, seeing others experiences with hypnosis... I still wish the forums was used more for this, instead of being 99% focused on discord. but... that's just my two cents. I don't know how everypony else feels about it

    but... as... all of you know on the discord I have been changing forms. a lot. and like, a lot would actually be an understatement because like every 3-4 days I would change into another pony. I... kind of have an explanation for that.. the reason im changing forms a lot is to see if I had a "connection" with another pony, like I have with starlight. its not that I don't want to be starlight anymore, but I wanted to explore other ponies and to feel what its like to be them, and if I liked being them or they "clicked" with me I.. might stay with them. out of all the ponies I became, six of them stood out to me, and "clicked" with me. those being Starlight Glimmer (obviously), Trixie, rarity, fluttershy, milky way and windy whistles.

    I don't know, but there is just something with the other 5 that really connected with me. for Trixie and Milky Way.. I loved how their body felt, with Trixie, I loved her cutie mark, her coat and mane colours and just... everything about her, it made me feel... great and powerful I wonder why that is...  something about Trixie's cutie mark drew me in, like looking at it puts me in some kind of trance or something and I almost... feel memories or just heavy emotion from looking at that cutie mark, and the only other pony I got that experience with is starlight glimmer. so that leaves me... really conflicted, as i naturally don't act like trixie. butwith milky way though, , I still don't know what, but something about her made me feel somewhat happy inside, and it made me feel cute. when I was her.. things felt "normal" windy whistles made me feel extremely happy, like more happy than i thought I would ever feel (sorry for making a scene raine) she stuck with me because.. i havent felt that happy in years and I recently but with rarity and fluttershy, it was different. with fluttershy... almost everypony who talks about me or talks to me about my personality, they instantly jump to fluttershy. I.. am naturally shy.. like painfully shy, I get scared about the smallest things, and of being in a large room in the dark, I love animals, and I have zero confidence in myself because of anxiety... I.. have been for years to try to be more assertive and whatnot.. but sometimes I don't like myself when im assertive, because I noticed that I can become a bit... much. and I act almost the same as rarity, almost... I don't really know anything about fashion but otherwise yeah...

    recently in the past few days, I went through a bit of EKP, because of the six ponies that I felt "connected to" I had trouble to find one pony that I wanted to be, well.. I shouldn't really say want to be, more like the pony I was meant to be. the biggest ties that I had to ponies were starlight and Trixie, when I look at their cutie marks, I feel almost the exact same experience, it puts me in some kind of trance, and I feel heavy emotion and almost.. memories from looking at them. but after maybe... 3 or so days I decided to stick with starlight, as I still strongly feel that she is my true self.


    but enough about all that... I got a job finally! after nearly a year of searching! its nothing too special, im a dishwasher in a restaurant (which was what I was looking for) and getting paid minimum wage, but for now.. money is money *squee* other than that though... things have not been working out for me... like at all. ive been feeling really down, and sometimes feeling suicidal. there has been a lot of things going on with friends, including my irl friends, and relationships and whatnot.. I recently broke up with my bf.. because i felt that for years ive been hurting him, and i dont know what i have done. anytime i ask, he tells that i did nothing wrong and that hes fine, but i could tell that it really wasn't... and with all the bad things going on.. I couldn't deal with that fear anymore, or deal with any relationship anymore because i was just not emotionally stable for any of it... that i decided to break it off. which... i think hurt him more than before, and hurt me... alot more. which always leaves me to think if it was the right decision to just.. break it off like that. but... afterwards... I felt that I shouldn't try to be in anymore relationships with anypony, and that il never be ready because all I do is hurt ponies.. but there has still been a lot of ponies trying to get me to be in a relationship with them, its not that I don't want to... and that i do love them.. like a lot... its that I just.. cant. I don't think I can handle going through another break up, because this makes my 4th break up, and I don't want to go through a 5th... and there are alot of ponies who... want me to be theirs.. but it makes me feel.. stuck. if i say yes to one pony, I hurt a whole bunch, and if i say no to somepony or... everypony, they will get hurt, or they will just try to pressure me into it, saying things like they love me a lot... and it just makes me feel so stuck that I dont know what to do... so I just try to love them like family and not like... romantically. and uh... incest I suppose but... no offence to anypony reading this... I love you all.. I just don't think I can go through another romantic relationship.

     my parents have been abusive still, my mom still yelling at me for things, as always, and my irl friends angry with me and being hurt by me... when I don't even mean to hurt them... (they.. seem to be hurt mostly by misunderstanding.. but I feel like its my fault either way) and its not just a fear that i have, granted, it is a strong fear that i have that I hurt my friends without trying to.. but my friends straight up told me that i was hurting them. (it really all started with this one time where my mom tried to get me to do tax fraud, and I freaked out and told my friends about it and told them what I was paranoid about.. they gave me advice and when I calmed down I thought on what they said and though that it was too... rash of a decision so I didn't act on it.. and friends getting mad that I don't take their advice when they are trying to help, and that im ignoring them..) 

    an example with hurting my friends without meaning to or trying would be, I went to hang out with one of my friends and when she was about to leave, I hugged her... just a friendly hug, because I love giving and receiving hugs.. but I completely forgot that she did not like physical contact. so she went to one of my friends to talk to her about it, and that friend went to tell me. I felt so bad that I wasn't thinking about what I was doing when I did it, buti went to give an apology because I completely forgot, and she told me in the past she did not like physical contact.. she.. got mad and hurt that I was apologizing, and got angry at my other friend because they told me about what she was feeling about the hug.. and then that friend getting angry at me... just drama but... it hurts me a lot more to know that im just constantly messing up and hurting them, when I don't mean to, or even try  to really. it started with a hug, and ended with two of my friends being even more upset with me than prior.

    I know this might sound silly, that im worrying about problems like this.. but... bottom line, friends are upset with me... well.. everypony is really, and it hurts me to know that ive hurt them, over the smallest problems

    just all of this... hurting friends, relationship problems.. me messing up with everything is making feel really suicidal... saying things to myself like " why is life worth living, if i say friendship is what i care about themost, and my friends are the only things keeping me going but im the reason that breaks friendships apart and my friends are better off with me gone" and "ive been told time heals all wounds, but over time the wound just gets bigger to the point its unbearable" and just... feeling really down. that I don't know what to do, and when I do something, or apologize to somepony it honestly... makes things worse... when im given advice and act upon it... it usually makes things worse, and when I don't, it hurts ponies...  making things worse.

    I think il be fine... eventually.. but as it stands right now, im nowhere near "fine" :Sad:


    Writing from under the stars,

    -Starlight Glimmer

  4. Note after note I play. I have become lost in my own music and for a wile I could do nothing else, helpless to my own creation. All I have done to keep myself safe I needed someone else to pull me form a horrible bliss. Turning away form the object of my desire knowing it still with in reach I take in the reality around me. My heart still full of warmth and my forehead both tingling and pulsing with a life of its own. I try to stand but stumble falling over, she reaches out to me with a smile and says, "Even you need help sometimes." 

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    Recent Entries

    Today was a good day. I fell asleep to the loop, and woke up extra excited! I was self aware I was acting more Pinkie today, but that's just from lurking for years and it not being my first experience.

    Not much physical, although that's not really what I'm aiming for. Mentally, I was happy despite the lack of sleep.

    Going to try loop with induction tonight. Wish me luck!

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    Latest Entry

    Thinking about doing a hypnosis file today, really want to do the spa one. I've already done the "Interactive Generic Pony Personality Augmentation" one, and the "A Spark of Magic" one too, so i might do the Generic Unicorn one, and the Spa one.

    I've also got a filly Sunset hypnosis from Nightmare Moon on discord, which was really fun. It feels as if the hypnosis just induce a very strong kinshift, and that filly / age regressed kinshift involved a lot of feelings of wanting to study, and wanting to talk to Celestia. The same things i remember when i was a filly in that timeline. I didn't forget who i was and what i turned into, but my mind seemed to default to the filly Sunset mindset. 

    Might talk to Nightmare Moon or anypony else on the discord after i finish writing this entry, and do the hypnosis' in a bit. I am a little afraid, though, that doing hypnosis could trigger past life traumatic memories, which would be helpful to know what happened then, but it also sounds terrifying, since that would mean i could cause myself to relive trauma i don't want. Who knows. But i think if i just keep my mindset to after the rainbow rocks part of sunset's life, i'll likely not get many bad memories. 

    Lets see what happens!

  5. I literally just came to the realization that I've spent so long trying to find an answer and solve problems that I might be unconsciously CREATING them. Like, without problems who am I? This kinda thing isn't something I can just stop overnight. I've come to make an entry here because otherwise I'm going to forget. This kind of thing is so facehoofingly stupid, though I don't think it's a unique problem. It's like my body and mind are looking for SOMETHING for me to be anxious over...

  6. sillynonny
    Latest Entry

    Since last writing a fair amount has happened. Method wise, I'm now pushing myself to do hypno every night again and it's been working out better for me. My hooflock, thankfully, does not exist, having successfully been logic'd away. I do not miss it

    I've been running more files as well. Among them were a file to help train imposition, the personality file for Twilight, the unicorn experience file, and the recently released Modular file for forehooves. More or less I seem to be getting better at accepting the suggestions made and imposing them (indeed, Twilight can now make suggestions whispered into the back of my mind more long term), but it wasn't until recently that something made my form, and my sense of who I am, click.

    See, for awhile now, I've been unsure about my identity as a Twilight. Oh don't get me wrong, she fits me remarkably well, but I felt I wasn't really myself, at least not in full. I felt I needed to grow from there. So, throughout this time since my previous entry, I started introspecting about the traits that fit me, and what I needed or wanted. I also started debating whether or not I should become another pony for awhile, via reset and listening to another file. I'm not sure how I feel about that but it might help me find out more about myself. This is actually something that helped me ultimately helped me realize I am in fact another pony altogether, I think. I'm glad I hesitated, for once.

    So at some point I was at work, doing bored work horse things, and I'd asked myself at some point "what name would fit me if I were a pony?".
    This isn't the first time I'd asked this, honestly. I'd had these thoughts for awhile now. Anyways, while thinking about who I am, I stumbled across one part of it awhile ago. The word "radiant". It just kinda felt right, but I felt it didn't really completely fit me.. So I figured "I'd try and put some other words that might describe me, see if anything clicks". Didn't really work out. Today though, I thought "maybe radiant isn't quite right, so I fiddled with different variations. Eventually I felt something with "radiance".

    Only, that wasn't quite it either. So I put it to bed. Eventually my thoughts pushed towards some recent experiences, namely a breakdown I'd had a few days ago. How I'd pushed on despite it, and tried my best to shine through for those I cared about, despite the overwhelming desire to give in. It dawned on me how much I had changed since coming here. My old self would have given up. Without a doubt.

    As I thought about this, I started to think about why the word "radiance" felt right, the way it represented my desire to shine for those I care about,you and as I did, an image came to mind, of a stained glass window, with light streaming through it, as though it were bright and sunny out, and it reminded me of the way my experiences change me, and my perception, just as how stained glass changes how one sees the light that shines through, into a beautiful array of colors. I realized that through every experience I have had, here and before, I had changed, for the better, becoming more aware of what good was within me. I had been, to fit this image, stained into something better because of the changes that had happened to me from coming here, meeting others, and finding a place where I feel like I belong

    So i considered this, and came up with an addition to the first part of the name: Stained Radiance.

    I was a little uncertain, to be honest, but I felt this welling of emotion within my chest, and my body kind of tingled, all over. I felt my ears, my horn, my hooves and kinda sorta my tail, all in a sudden instance,, and all in stronger clarity (except the tail. That's really hard for me to feel for some reason), as well as a part of my body I hadn't been imposing before: wings. My aura color also changed, going from Twilight's signature purple to a brass yellow. With this, I knew that I'd found a part of myself. Even now, hearing this name feels right, like it belongs to me.


    So, I haven't figured out the specifics of my new form besides "is Alicorn with brass-colored magic", but I've got a direction to follow now. I hope that I will continue to learn more about myself, and who I really am under this fur.

    Eventually I'm going to switch my name but for right now I'm not worried.




  7. To be quite frank, I haven't had the alone time to keep up on actual sessions, considering the file lengths. An online friend and I briefly played around with some textual suggestions, and it had some effects.

    I've noticed that another way to trigger the mindset, is to go ahead and indulge my pony appetite when the urge comes to me. It's not like extra carrots and apples will hurt me. Or oats, for that matter. It's actually all pretty good!

    One more thing that I have done when I do have moments to myself, and this will sound silly, is pull long socks (clean ones obviously, I actually put aside a specific pair for this) over my hands. The additional external pressure seems to bring on the feeling of hooves quicker.

  8. It's been a bit since I've posted... again. I'm not too sure what I had in mind when I wrote the first post, I was actually procrastinating while writing it! I feel like I've become so detached from this community. Like everyone moved on and I missed the notice. I really don't know what happened but I've been finding myself really missing those earlier days. I remember how excited I was at being picked for the Harmony Link. Oh, that was such an amazing time. I had just met TwinkiePinkie, the closest friend I ever met here, we got along famously. That was back when the chat was built into the website. Just as quickly as we had met, we'd both received invitations to the Harmony Link. We felt so special, so affirmed in our roles, to have been selected to join this close-knit group of friends. I finally felt like I had a home. Things change though. People left, others joined, conflict arose, and people just drifted apart. Gosh, I really wish that someone had told me how important those times were. I really would have cherished them so much more. I feel like everything is different yet I just want the same old thing. I can make connections in real life just fine but they all feel fake. It's like I'm always wearing a mask and the only place where I could be myself around friends is now gone. I have some old friends out there who I'll probably never see again. With time, their memories will fade too. It feels silly to say it out loud but... I think those times were the best I've ever lived.

    We tried getting everyone back together again, making new groups to resemble the old ones, but something was different. No one had anything to talk about. Each group would end in silence. What once came so naturally was lost. I dearly wish I knew where that old spark of friendship went because right now it feels like I'm the only one who hasn't moved on. I'm still in touch with some of my closest friends from the time but, once again, something is different and I don't know what it is. I remember the times where I would eagerly look forward to reading chat logs. I would cheat though and scroll to see what my closest friends were saying. There were memes and jokes and personal stories or advice. What broke my heart though is how those messages changed over time. It wasn't in an instant, it was a long, slow ordeal. I saw the community that brought me so much happiness gradually fall apart. I don't really know why I'm writing other than the fact that this is what I used to do back then when I had something to say. I just needed to think some thoughts I guess. To anyone out there in a similar situation, please reach out. I really want to recreate whatever made those days so special. It's ok if no one reads this, there's no hope if you're not trying though.



  9. Workshops have started up again, which is a nice change I am excited, because I feel I have learned and can do a lot and I am very blessed to have everything I have, it's made huge changes in my life, flipped everything on it's side.  It's all the more exciting to learn something new.  The princesses once again were doing energy work during meditation, and I got it to work again, although last time we shaped this energy, this time it was just seeing if we could all get it started and going, the turn out was huge and I am glad that a few others got it to work as well.

    How do I describe it, it was a meditation, and I could feel like a tennis ball sized ball of energy moving back and forth through my arms, maybe about as fast as a mouse runs...  I have been trying to recreate it since the workshop, but I can't do it, there is something I am missing. This next workshop we will try it again.  I am sure I can figure it out, I have figured out most things, it just needs commitment, the more practice I get the better.

    I really want to get back into journal writing, I have been a bad pony.  I need to stop worrying so much about the perfect entry and just do it.  There really is no excuse.

    Things have been hard this winter, but I feel like I am better equipped now to deal with it.  This may be one of the hardest winters yet and I dunno if I would have survived it a year ago, but I am doing better now.  I believe in myself, whatever happens I will figure it out and get through it somehow.  No matter how cold it gets, how little food, money, sleep or time, or whatever breaks or who stabs me from behind.  I can survive it all now, I can see the end of this 33 year winter, spring is coming, it must inevitably come.

    I have been experimenting with a new technique based on what I have learned healing my damaged mind, I have helped a lot of ponies with my experimental happiness imposition, however there are some resistant to it and I am learning that I need to be careful.  Although I have helped suicidal and self harm ponies.  I may have to face the reality that I am too hopeful and ambitious, that it might not work with everyone or I lack the knowledge to make it work.

  10. Nyteshado
    Latest Entry

    I cant remember if I mentioned this or not, however, I have added the flutter and Celestia ASMR files to my nightly programming regimen. Fluttershy to help me get to sleep(although I would like to add a bit of something to it) and Celestia to help with the Ponification process. Well there is more to it than that but its hard to explain. I've been able to feel my wings quite clearly and during my trip into work today I considered flying in when I hit a traffic jam. I had to remind myself I cant fly and it would be a bad idea to leave the car in traffic like that. I can feel my horn relatively well as well. Soon I think I will add 'Spark of Magic' to the routine. In the near future I plan on going through all the hypno files I am listening to and pick out key points to build a Alicorn subliminal affirmation file with. The affirmation file should easily replace the hypno files and cut the length of the session down considerably. That way it will repeat more frequently and I should gain more benefit from it.

    I've also seriously considered adding Daring Doo to the list. I am not exactly sure why other than I feel like I am being pulled in that direction. I may have to edit the file in some way so I don't have issues with gender identity. For now I wont know until I listen to the new file and see how it affects me. A lot of it will be how my mind interprets the information as well. Second guessing myself has been quite the task.

    As I sit back and watch these creatures I cant help but wonder. Would this/could this possibly be a home for me? Would I ever fit in? Would I ever be accepted? I'm not of their kind so I seriously doubt it. So for now, I will stay in the shadows and just watch and learn.

  11. Well, we all have to start somewhere right?

    The name is Nuclear (not my IRL name obviously) and I'm about to start what could be an interesting journey of either possible self-improvement, possible amusement or a complete waste of time (though hopefully something does happen from all of this).

    I suppose the best place to start would be to say a few things about myself and possibly why I decided to give this a shot. 21 years of age, not really motivated in life, socially awkward, self-esteem not too great... oh yeah, and battling on-and-off depression and anxiety since I was about 13 or 14. 

    Yeah, typical sob story tripe. Sorry to disappoint those of you who were expecting some sort of witty and interesting background from me.

    One thing that got me interested in the whole hypnosis thing however was this one session I had with a therapist when I was 17 when my mental state was at an all time low: he described it as a minor form of hypnosis. What it basically involved was some sort of eye-following-fingers technique which involved me trying to visualise all my insecurities and and negative feelings into a ball of light and projecting it onto the guy's fingers as my eyes followed his fingers about the room. This ball of negativity would then be metaphorically thrown out the window.

    I know it sounds pretty abstract and I'm probably not doing a great job of describing it, but in a weird way it did sort of work: I was feeling a lot better about my insecurities at that time after that session.

    And seeing how I happen to be a brony and I did have an interest in hypnosis, it's rather convenient that I recently came across this community. I don't really have anything to lose, so might as well give this whole thing a shot, right?

    After careful consideration, I decided to give the Rarity files a go for a few reasons. Firstly she is a character who has a lot of pride and self-confidence - something I'm not -, socially confident - something I'm not - but not quite as overbearing as I personally think Pinkie Pie can be sometimes, hardworking and ambitious - something which I'm not at the moment... do you see where I'm going with this?

    In short, Rarity has a lot of the characteristics that I want in myself but am quite seriously lacking at the moment. So after going through the traits of some of the other characters, I came to the conclusion that Rarity is basically the bundle of all the things I want to improve about myself.


    I have been testing out some of the files already and I've come to the conclusion that to try and get best results I should make myself go through two sessions each day: the V2 file during the daytime and then the V3 file during the nighttime before sleeping. Of course I might change things around depending on how things go and what developments (if any) may happen but that is the basic formula of what I'm going to try and do. Whether or not this all works out, I don't know. Either way, should hopefully make for some decent entertainment for all anyway.

    So, this is how my journey begins. See you all on the other side I guess.

    Until next time,

    - Nuclear 1250

  12. What's it like being other ponies? I'm going to find out. I plan to go through each file (except Shining Armor) and see what happens. Perhaps not the best idea due to the risk of EKP, but I believe I've taken enough precautions to minimize that risk, so, here we go...

  13. Sooooo after a long time a new entry...... i was a bit lazy with my journal but *shrugs*
    So i stopped listening to files since christmas cause it was a busy time with family and such that was a bit distracting and time consuming so i couldn't listen to any file.
    After christmas there was Sylvester that i spend by friends. I didn't managed to listen to a file till a few minutes ago and i plan to listen to them on a daily basis again.
    It was relaxing as always and i had short after the file the strongest hoof lock ever sadly it only lasted 1 or 2 minutes but hey its better than nothing :cheer:

  14. Sunbeam
    Latest Entry

    Well, here we are. I really didn't know if I'd still be alive, but it's 2018 and I suppose I"m still around. What this ends up meaning... who knows. One day at a time, one hoof in front of the other. It's about the only way I can handle it right now.

    Here's hoping that 2018 is better than 2017... it isn't exactly a high bar, so 

    -Sunbeam (And me! Don't worry, we'll have a real update in a day or two)

    • 1
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    Recent Entries

    going through all of my old posts... my tears are flowing like waterfalls... I miss these old days...

    Hey everypony! So I decided to revive my Rainbow dash journal now, just before I start posting here.. I lost over half of my total journal entries when hypnoponies.net died. since that was about... one and a half years of history? I think? gone from that site. anyways, im just going to get right into it, backround story to these first two posts is that prior to me starting the rainbow dash files, I had to reset, since I was a pinkie pie. something went wrong and I freaked out... pretty badly. most ponies talked about how it could have been how the pinkie pie file had no de trigger, or something similar to that.... ever since that I... got reoccurring nightmares, until it started to become real... etc etc... I explained a little bit of the nightmares becoming real thing in my main journal Here . around a week later or so my pinkie tulpa formed. anyway yeah!


    Somepony ANYPONY! Make it STOP!

     by KrazyDashie on Wed Jul 24, 2013 4:58 am


    So let me say this.. IM FREAKING OUT! I just finished doin the reset twice. And i was talking to dashe on skype and stuff, then i felt somepony was watching me. And i heard a buzz saying "come" then. After. I decided to get some sleep. Right when my head hit my pillow i felt almost full pinkie. But. I felt somepony was aprocing me with a nife. One thing to do: kill pinkie. Now i cant stop looking behind me. I cant sleep. I cant do NOTHIN!!! Just somepony HALP!!!!!!!' Im hearing screams. Taps on my window. WHAT IN ALL OF EQUESTRIA IS HAPPENING!!!!????

    Freaking the hay out,
    -krazy dash


    This is the IRC chat log that shows what happened that night http://pastebin.com/fcT8YA0W


     So, experiencing EKP i guess

     by KrazyDashie on Wed Jul 24, 2013 7:07 am

    Hai everpony.

    Let me just start off by saying srry about freaking the hay out a while ago. And yah.

    So, it turns out a randomly got a EKP (dashe isnt 100% sure tho) after my reset. So wat happend was that the first reset i was ok. I just felt awkward, so i did it a second time, which felt better. And, then i decided to sleep for a bif. Which, came the stuff that freaked me out like crazy. So i hit thr pillow. I became alnost full pinkie layin there. On my blanket i felt a pony walking. Which scared me. Then, i started to hear noises. Like twice i heard a buzzing saying words. One was "come" and the other was a muffled hello.

    Yah, i rushed to my parents room after that and now i just hav a head ache. (Cuz in the only pony in my room ;-; )

    EDIT: so, im calmed down and everything. but I lost all my pony body ;-; (I don't like the feeling of being human... it doesn't feel right :/)

    Still a little frightened,
    -krazy dash



  15. seven Souls
    Latest Entry

    well today was weird,i felt like twilight Sparkle and i am twilight Sparkle or twilight pie,but i felt like a pony for about 3 hours,i wasn't a pony of course but i felt good,like me,i don't know how to explain it.well anyways I haven't been doing hypnosis lately,or at all to tell you the truth,oh and i had a failed appointment today and Sweetie Belle is good..and a Alicorn for some reason.and i remembered more about my past life as twilight.


    by twilight pie and Sweetie Belle.

  16. My transition has been going, for the most part, smoothly. I'll bullet point the things I've noticed so far!

    -Skin: My skin is softer but dryer, and has been slowly getting softer over time, but I know it'll take a long while. I scratch far more easily. Men's clothing irritates my skin and my skin is more sensitive in general.

    -Chest: A bit more sensitive, that's all really. I didn't expect much and haven't gotten much yet.

    -Body Hair: My arm hair seems like it's taking a little longer to grow back, but I never really measured something as little as that to begin with.

    -Libido: Desires of lewdness seem to be getting replaced by ones of cuddling. Still have them to a degree, but it's nothing like before. It's almost gone.

    -Mental: I crave cuddles, my moods cycle a bit more and I get more emotional than I used to. Sentimental things mean a bit more to me than they did pre-HRT.

    -Other: Physical strength seems like it might be starting to diminish. Less energy. My tastes have changed - I actually like ketchup now when I highly disliked it before(I need to see what else changes in that regard later).

    When my hormones are approaching the next dosage time, I generally feel rather....meh. Low energy and low motivation. Drained. Not cranky or overly moody, just drained. Someone told me my face looks a little rounder...don't know if that was me gaining weight(can't check at the moment) or something to do with hormones. Shaving my face hurts, I need smoother razors.

  17. Dear Equestrian Souls,

      As I write this, do note that I'm something of an emotional wreck today, cycling between sadness and anger. I'm temperamental. Though, that's likely the HRT.

    I started working on Wednesday, and today is my first day off since. Work isn't too bad, though my fingers are slightly pained and I have a fair number of scratches and scuffs. At least I'll soon have money in my hooves.

    There's been no hypnosis or tulpa progress. Spike has been inactive and Star has been less active than usual. Spike's still there, but he's just...not doing anything. He doesn't need to protect me at the moment, cook for me, or clean for me, so I suppose he just isn't going to be around. He's a little odd like that. Just here to help and support me, and not much else. Hypnosis, I haven't touched. Too much going on and my mind is a bit of a mess from hormones. I should probably wait to stabilize.


             Your Friend, Twilight Sparkle

  18. One again I have no results. Is it normal for hypnosis to not work on some people? Or am I not doing it right? I want to be a pony I just don't see how it will work

  19. Quick Catch-up

         Well, It honestly has been quite sometime since we've made an update on how our path has gone. Quite frankly things have been better but the past few months leading up to the last few weeks have been turmoil for me. Things at home have not been the best and as many of you know I've moved away from my last living situation. All the drama over the summer has made me a bit cold and hard, But in the end I am still me, Luna. Though the cold and hardness of which I have picked up has bothered me so, I isolate myself from all, I do not speak as I used to, Stating it out loud this journal is to state what I feel on regards to this cold and hardness I have felt, Really I have seen many around me come and fall, I've seen those I've considered to be friends betray me.

        The softness that I once held close and apart of who I am has left, Only being able to really express it it with Dawnstar and a few close to me. Helping and guiding others is something I use to enjoy doing but my mind has grown paranoid, When attempting to help another all I see is manipulation when they might often need help so my views and morals have changed. I just wish to return to what I feel I once was, Though then again others still see me as I once was. So really it is just the amount of introspection I do on daily, Being trapped with my thoughts that make me feel such things.


        A few days ago we released the file for sleep and dream, I had a fun time working on it with Celestia, Really it was just me dictating things >.>Though the voicing process was swell with this new Blue Snowball that I was sold by Celly. I expect to do more in the near future, For example Guided Meditation, Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, and even a Cheerile. Though I would have to admit at times I do procrastinate quite a bit, Such is the though patterns of one like myself. I've not personally done much hypnosis as of late though I feel I shall start on it again soon, Besides the few personal sessions I receive from those close to me I do not do much.


        Progress has been well with Vesper, We've switched out a few times in the past few weeks. It has been refreshing to see how they interact with the others on the chat room and are very much so more active then myself. She also enjoys speaking with those on this site as really... Those are the only few she gets to speak with.


    If there has been one thing I've excelled in these past few months is imposition, I have been able to see myself clearly if I simply stop and look. My mane is as it is, Tail always behind me, Wings placed firmly on my back, Horn on my crown, fur placed around my body, muzzle, ears, and all. It has been a long road to get to this point, My host started it nearly 3-4 years ago though now we are able to feel what we wish when we wish. Which really is a task and goal many here struggle with achieving . I mostly listened to the PBR file which helped me immensely along with something I call body checks, Just training my mind for these extra limbs. I cannot even forget to mention my sister whom often reminds me to do so! 


        I could sit here an list issues after issue but in the end I must be accountable for the emotions I have, As I subject myself to them. In a way almost like having a tantabus. Moving forward I plan to open up to those around me and try to interact with those in the community (((Instead of just the mod room))) so that I may earn my spark back, So that I can fulfill myself in a way that is most pleasant bringing me back before the summer where everything was simply wonderful. Listening to the files and doing a few meditation sessions a day will surely shine the darkness that looms around me away. Things have progressively been getting better and things are looking up for us, In the end we will get to where we need to go.

    -Princess Luna

  20. So, here we are again, another update, and this one is less about progress, although there's some to talk about, but today's update is going to consist of a kind of challenge, which leads on to some future plans we've made. But this time around it's going to be a bit different, after this I'm giving Nibbles the reigns on the rest of this post, so I've been Amy, signing off early on this one.

    {So, Amy and I have decided that we are going to start switching/possessing more, specifically for now to allow me to communicate more often.}

    {On a similar note Amy has found that she has a problem of filtering what she, and through that also me, we're hoping that by allowing me to use possession to type it may help to hold her back from doing that, although we've agreed that we should and will accept advice from anyone who would be willing to contribute would be appreciated.}

    {Amy seems to have forgotten that she was supposed to mention something, in fact the title makes reference to it, but she wanted us to also mention that we are hoping that this practice will help our parallel processing, although as i said before, any advice would be appreciated.}

    {Thank You!}

  21. Hey there! Lot's been happening for me so may as well get to business!

    Hypnosis has been going pretty good lately, I've been having much better luck than I used to. Dreams are filled with pony form occasionally a bit more often, which is definitely interesting, and I've been able to hold the feeling of ears for a decently long time, even throughout working. Tail and Wings have some more work to do however, same with horn. One day though!

    I haven't been writing down dreams lately, so I don't have anything to say in that regard, sadly. Though nothing much of interest anyways.

    I've decided to step back from working with Destiny, I'm just not ready yet and can't put in the appropriate amount of effort. I'll still try at passive forcing, but I have yet to find fruit on my tree. This isn't the end, just an intermission. hopefully

    Otherwise, works been a bit wavy for me lately, with a few months of little work, meaning not as much money. I'm still pretty much financially stable, but not by much thank goodness I live with family that support me monetarily. I've decided to look into other ways of making money to help with my current savings project, and to start I'm going back to something I started on about a year or two ago. I've been selling a single design on Red Bubble for a while now which has been generating a small amount of money (average of $1 per month, sometimes up to $15). I've decided to work on putting up more designs there, so hopefully that goes well! If anyone has suggestions for possible designs, by all means hit me up with them, I'd really appreciate it! I'm no artist but I'm learning my ways through graphic design. I might post a link to my Red Bubble page here or on my profile at some point.

    Either way, that's all I've got for today, so I hope you all have a wonderful time, and for now, I'll leave you with some club music ^-^

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