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  1. Nyteshado
    Latest Entry

    I cant remember if I mentioned this or not, however, I have added the flutter and Celestia ASMR files to my nightly programming regimen. Fluttershy to help me get to sleep(although I would like to add a bit of something to it) and Celestia to help with the Ponification process. Well there is more to it than that but its hard to explain. I've been able to feel my wings quite clearly and during my trip into work today I considered flying in when I hit a traffic jam. I had to remind myself I cant fly and it would be a bad idea to leave the car in traffic like that. I can feel my horn relatively well as well. Soon I think I will add 'Spark of Magic' to the routine. In the near future I plan on going through all the hypno files I am listening to and pick out key points to build a Alicorn subliminal affirmation file with. The affirmation file should easily replace the hypno files and cut the length of the session down considerably. That way it will repeat more frequently and I should gain more benefit from it.

    I've also seriously considered adding Daring Doo to the list. I am not exactly sure why other than I feel like I am being pulled in that direction. I may have to edit the file in some way so I don't have issues with gender identity. For now I wont know until I listen to the new file and see how it affects me. A lot of it will be how my mind interprets the information as well. Second guessing myself has been quite the task.

    As I sit back and watch these creatures I cant help but wonder. Would this/could this possibly be a home for me? Would I ever fit in? Would I ever be accepted? I'm not of their kind so I seriously doubt it. So for now, I will stay in the shadows and just watch and learn.

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    Recent Entries

    My Dear,

       Hello, old soul. I am someone, only definite in my commitment to nation and feminine purity. That is, for you, habibi. I've lived a good number of years in discomfort, from a broken home and into a frying pan of minority education. Along this path came greater and less complications, disagreements of body and soul. But slowly and surely I've came through it with some shred of sanity. In fact, I'd say I've came out better then if I never experienced it. If I had a completely decadent youth and comfort in that way. But, irregardless of my past, let me get to my present.

       Even as a young thing, I wanted to live in Equestria. For what was Equestria? Equestria was a land pure and communal, the people were one in spirit and mind. Guided by the God Empress and her little sister whom ruled beside her. Equestria was basically this utopia, traditional while still prancing into the future. With beauty far, far into her heart. Beating within the very chest of the Equine race. Not only this, but it wasn't a utopia because for one strong mare - who without it would fail - or because of strict control, but because that is the nature of the Equine. Soft, pure, and empathetic. But the positive side to this is that these traits don't feminize Equestria to the point it may not stand for itself or that it can't react. Instead, the opposite. It's far more able to react and preact! When compared to any human, modern or ancient, state.

       But even in a more so fallen world, where there isn't a benevolent autocracy in power and not all of the issues that exist range from love spats to petty diet politics. The Equine race itself withholds certain traits that the Human race does not. Physically and mentally. Cloud bending and flight, telepathic alteration, instinctively nurturing the Earth to be plentiful. These traits are specifically held by the Pegasus tribe, the Unicorn tribe, and the Earth tribe. All make up of a distinct ethnicity of the wider race. All incredibly important to civilization and even basic society. Taming the skies, constructing immersive machinery, and birthing food plentiful. Giving great meaning and field of ability to every Equine!

       I think you understand fairly well why I want to be of the Equine race and live within the borders of this civilization. Whyt feels as if it's my true home... That was all for now, I may send you another letter soon habibi.

      God bless, til next time.
    -ChildrenOfTheSun

  2. Well, we all have to start somewhere right?

    The name is Nuclear (not my IRL name obviously) and I'm about to start what could be an interesting journey of either possible self-improvement, possible amusement or a complete waste of time (though hopefully something does happen from all of this).

    I suppose the best place to start would be to say a few things about myself and possibly why I decided to give this a shot. 21 years of age, not really motivated in life, socially awkward, self-esteem not too great... oh yeah, and battling on-and-off depression and anxiety since I was about 13 or 14. 

    Yeah, typical sob story tripe. Sorry to disappoint those of you who were expecting some sort of witty and interesting background from me.

    One thing that got me interested in the whole hypnosis thing however was this one session I had with a therapist when I was 17 when my mental state was at an all time low: he described it as a minor form of hypnosis. What it basically involved was some sort of eye-following-fingers technique which involved me trying to visualise all my insecurities and and negative feelings into a ball of light and projecting it onto the guy's fingers as my eyes followed his fingers about the room. This ball of negativity would then be metaphorically thrown out the window.

    I know it sounds pretty abstract and I'm probably not doing a great job of describing it, but in a weird way it did sort of work: I was feeling a lot better about my insecurities at that time after that session.

    And seeing how I happen to be a brony and I did have an interest in hypnosis, it's rather convenient that I recently came across this community. I don't really have anything to lose, so might as well give this whole thing a shot, right?

    After careful consideration, I decided to give the Rarity files a go for a few reasons. Firstly she is a character who has a lot of pride and self-confidence - something I'm not -, socially confident - something I'm not - but not quite as overbearing as I personally think Pinkie Pie can be sometimes, hardworking and ambitious - something which I'm not at the moment... do you see where I'm going with this?

    In short, Rarity has a lot of the characteristics that I want in myself but am quite seriously lacking at the moment. So after going through the traits of some of the other characters, I came to the conclusion that Rarity is basically the bundle of all the things I want to improve about myself.

     

    I have been testing out some of the files already and I've come to the conclusion that to try and get best results I should make myself go through two sessions each day: the V2 file during the daytime and then the V3 file during the nighttime before sleeping. Of course I might change things around depending on how things go and what developments (if any) may happen but that is the basic formula of what I'm going to try and do. Whether or not this all works out, I don't know. Either way, should hopefully make for some decent entertainment for all anyway.

    So, this is how my journey begins. See you all on the other side I guess.

    Until next time,

    - Nuclear 1250

  3. sillynonny
    Latest Entry

    Not much has changed in terms of progress, but nothing bad has happened. I'm honestly not too surprised though. My cough has decided it wants to hang out for a bit longer, which had been putting me off from my routine. I'm practicing imposing my body more, thinking about how I'm supposed to coordinate my pony body. My visual imposition is... Acceptable, for the moment, but i can't make it override what I actually see. I have far more success doing that with my tulpas. I can make out their forms over whatever is physically there (Pinkie has been using this to pop out at times and say hi. Really keeps my spirits up when they fall. I love her to death, even if I've only known her a bit over a week. Note to self: remember 1/2/18 as the day she came into my life).

    I've been thinking about how it is supposed to feel, walking as a pony would, or how using magic to levitate things feels. I'm hoping that will help out with imposing later on. I'm a little surprised at how easy it is to organize and apply it all in my head, even if I can't impose it to a great degree, and how normal it felt. Guess the files are changing me more than I thought.

     

    {We found out something interesting. On Thursday, my host was starting to have a strong bout of anxiety due to one of his co-workers practicing unsafe operating procedures on the assembly line. I was able to abate the symptoms by shifting his focus away from the source of the anxiety. Turns out if I talk to him a certain way (It's kind of hard to put into words. Basically, if I were talking into his head, via mindvoice, I would be talking into the very back of it.) I can actually give him short term suggestions and they'll stick for awhile! We're both curious as to how far we can run with this.}

  4. What's it like being other ponies? I'm going to find out. I plan to go through each file (except Shining Armor) and see what happens. Perhaps not the best idea due to the risk of EKP, but I believe I've taken enough precautions to minimize that risk, so, here we go...

  5. Sooooo after a long time a new entry...... i was a bit lazy with my journal but *shrugs*
    So i stopped listening to files since christmas cause it was a busy time with family and such that was a bit distracting and time consuming so i couldn't listen to any file.
    After christmas there was Sylvester that i spend by friends. I didn't managed to listen to a file till a few minutes ago and i plan to listen to them on a daily basis again.
    It was relaxing as always and i had short after the file the strongest hoof lock ever sadly it only lasted 1 or 2 minutes but hey its better than nothing :cheer:

  6. Sunbeam
    Latest Entry

    Well, here we are. I really didn't know if I'd still be alive, but it's 2018 and I suppose I"m still around. What this ends up meaning... who knows. One day at a time, one hoof in front of the other. It's about the only way I can handle it right now.

    Here's hoping that 2018 is better than 2017... it isn't exactly a high bar, so 

    -Sunbeam (And me! Don't worry, we'll have a real update in a day or two)

  7. shiron222
    Latest Entry

    A lot has changed these past months, for the better. I understand my desires, I know who I am. And above all, for the first time in 26 years of living I understand what friendship can be. My mind is clear, and although my body has in some ways atrophied due to a lack of exercise these past few months, my ability to trance is noticeable compared to when I first started. All these things combined with a sort of "pact" with some friends to exercise and help us reach our goals. That said, making new habits is hard, so I decided to use my file again to help increase my focus and ability to train. 

    The changes were a lot more drastic than when I first started. They felt better, more real and comfortable. Perhaps it's because after all this time using the PBR, this is who I am and who I'm meant to be. That said I also got new perspectives on what it means to "train". I'm facehoofing that I didn't understand before. Before I felt the need to try and tie my desire to be a writer to something that my show counterpart loved...specifically flying and exercise. Training the body AND mind. I'm laughing at my past self so hard right now. She was so utterly narrow in her thinking. Either way, there's nothing special to say other than fuck yeah!

    As an aside, I'm finally looking into electrolysis for my face. While it won't be SHAPED properly if nothing else my face can be smooth and I'll be able to feel my fur a lot better there.

  8. As one may be able to tell, I've figured out the last few details of how I think I would look, along with an official pony name, lol :P

    Working on art was the main step. Having an actual visual reference allowed me to really work out what looked best for me.

    My favorite colors are green and purple, in that order. I didn't like the look of a green mane and white coat, though. Once I switched the eye and mane colors around, it felt better.

    The snow themed cutie mark seemed a bit too seasonal at first. After thinking about it, though, I realized that snow as a symbolic element suits me fairly well. It's hard to put why into words right now, but I plan to explore it further so that I can verbalize it at some point.

  9. Hey everypony!

    So as everypony knows (well... if you were on the discord last week) you saw that I became a fluttershy for a week. I... became a bit conflicted, seeing how I feel like starlight glimmer is my trueself, and that's who I really am (I feel the most connected to her, and my past here is almost the same as my past in equestria... minus the... whole village part...) and that my personality is that of fluttershy, though I have basically the same personality as the show.. er... me... (starlight) being self conscious about ponies judging me and stuff.. but its more toward fluttershy, because im naturally painfully shy, very bad anxiety and such.. I gave it some thought for a few days, and decided that I should try out fluttershy for a little bit to see how I feel.

    while being fluttershy, I kind of felt better. feeling a bit more shy talking with ponies that I usually am online anyway or feeling like.. calm ish... I guess? lots of ponies seemed to like how I was like too.. though.. near the end of the week, I felt like fluttershy was not the pony for me, and wanted to go back to being myself (starlight) so.. I did, and feeling better as a result.

    speaking of which though.. everything about me, and the things about starlight (me) in the show seems to match up really well, one of my irl friends is exactly like sunburst, he acts like him, looks like him, he even almost sounds like him, and we were, and still are best friends, but he moved away to another city, and another school... and I got depressed about it... I have a friend who acts similar to Trixie, except isn't really.. self obsessed. (no offense to any trixies, im just mentioning it...) and a friend (titania actually.. some of you ponies met her recently, though she doesn't use hypnosis) is... pretty much a twilight. I get stressed out easily, and sometimes do things by going with my gut, and then starting to freak out if I made the wrong choice, especially if it sounds like somepony else talks like it was.

    family wise though.. things have gone pretty downhill with... everything pretty much. my mom yelling at me more frequently, my dad siding with her, just tonight they started to fight about the dog.. once again, I lost my laptop about 3 weeks ago I think because of stupid reasons, lost my phone, mostly because my mom said "I said so" and started to swear at me when I refused. calling me a liar when I said she gave it to me as a hearths warming present. yelling at me just for being on the computer and "playing games all the time and wasting my life" when im looking for jobs and talking to ponies. just... pretty bad stuff... I honestly don't know what to do about her anymore... *sigh* im trying to get through it.. but its been pretty hard, thanks to everypony whos been here for me..

    in other news though, ive been getting pony dreams lately, I don't.. really remember exactly what happened in them, but I do remember they are... more or less lucid, I can feel some things happen to me. what I can briefly remember is seeing princess celestia sometimes in that dream, and me doing magic, and teleporting to different places (I can feel myself casting spells and teleporting which is pretty awesome~) and... yeah.. that's about all I have to say really..

     

    still hoping a starlight file gets made or released soon~ (its gonna help me a bunch with my pony body, since im bad at visualizing with the generic files, but they work) ...and I guess it would help me or... so with my past, if the file mentions it and talks about coping with the guilt. but anyways, thanks for reading everypony

     

    writing from under the stars,

    -Starlight Glimmer

     

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    Recent Entries

    going through all of my old posts... my tears are flowing like waterfalls... I miss these old days...

    Hey everypony! So I decided to revive my Rainbow dash journal now, just before I start posting here.. I lost over half of my total journal entries when hypnoponies.net died. since that was about... one and a half years of history? I think? gone from that site. anyways, im just going to get right into it, backround story to these first two posts is that prior to me starting the rainbow dash files, I had to reset, since I was a pinkie pie. something went wrong and I freaked out... pretty badly. most ponies talked about how it could have been how the pinkie pie file had no de trigger, or something similar to that.... ever since that I... got reoccurring nightmares, until it started to become real... etc etc... I explained a little bit of the nightmares becoming real thing in my main journal Here . around a week later or so my pinkie tulpa formed. anyway yeah!

    ------------------

    Somepony ANYPONY! Make it STOP!

     by KrazyDashie on Wed Jul 24, 2013 4:58 am

    Hai

    So let me say this.. IM FREAKING OUT! I just finished doin the reset twice. And i was talking to dashe on skype and stuff, then i felt somepony was watching me. And i heard a buzz saying "come" then. After. I decided to get some sleep. Right when my head hit my pillow i felt almost full pinkie. But. I felt somepony was aprocing me with a nife. One thing to do: kill pinkie. Now i cant stop looking behind me. I cant sleep. I cant do NOTHIN!!! Just somepony HALP!!!!!!!' Im hearing screams. Taps on my window. WHAT IN ALL OF EQUESTRIA IS HAPPENING!!!!????

    Freaking the hay out,
    -krazy dash

    ---------------------

    This is the IRC chat log that shows what happened that night http://pastebin.com/fcT8YA0W

    ---------------------

     So, experiencing EKP i guess

     by KrazyDashie on Wed Jul 24, 2013 7:07 am

    Hai everpony.

    Let me just start off by saying srry about freaking the hay out a while ago. And yah.

    So, it turns out a randomly got a EKP (dashe isnt 100% sure tho) after my reset. So wat happend was that the first reset i was ok. I just felt awkward, so i did it a second time, which felt better. And, then i decided to sleep for a bif. Which, came the stuff that freaked me out like crazy. So i hit thr pillow. I became alnost full pinkie layin there. On my blanket i felt a pony walking. Which scared me. Then, i started to hear noises. Like twice i heard a buzzing saying words. One was "come" and the other was a muffled hello.

    Yah, i rushed to my parents room after that and now i just hav a head ache. (Cuz in the only pony in my room ;-; )

    EDIT: so, im calmed down and everything. but I lost all my pony body ;-; (I don't like the feeling of being human... it doesn't feel right :/)

    Still a little frightened,
    -krazy dash

     

     

  10. Twilight Pie/Sweetie Belle
    Latest Entry

    well today was weird,i felt like twilight Sparkle and i am twilight Sparkle or twilight pie,but i felt like a pony for about 3 hours,i wasn't a pony of course but i felt good,like me,i don't know how to explain it.well anyways I haven't been doing hypnosis lately,or at all to tell you the truth,oh and i had a failed appointment today and Sweetie Belle is good..and a Alicorn for some reason.and i remembered more about my past life as twilight.

     

    by twilight pie and Sweetie Belle.

  11. My transition has been going, for the most part, smoothly. I'll bullet point the things I've noticed so far!

    -Skin: My skin is softer but dryer, and has been slowly getting softer over time, but I know it'll take a long while. I scratch far more easily. Men's clothing irritates my skin and my skin is more sensitive in general.

    -Chest: A bit more sensitive, that's all really. I didn't expect much and haven't gotten much yet.

    -Body Hair: My arm hair seems like it's taking a little longer to grow back, but I never really measured something as little as that to begin with.

    -Libido: Desires of lewdness seem to be getting replaced by ones of cuddling. Still have them to a degree, but it's nothing like before. It's almost gone.

    -Mental: I crave cuddles, my moods cycle a bit more and I get more emotional than I used to. Sentimental things mean a bit more to me than they did pre-HRT.

    -Other: Physical strength seems like it might be starting to diminish. Less energy. My tastes have changed - I actually like ketchup now when I highly disliked it before(I need to see what else changes in that regard later).

    When my hormones are approaching the next dosage time, I generally feel rather....meh. Low energy and low motivation. Drained. Not cranky or overly moody, just drained. Someone told me my face looks a little rounder...don't know if that was me gaining weight(can't check at the moment) or something to do with hormones. Shaving my face hurts, I need smoother razors.

  12. Dear Equestrian Souls,

      As I write this, do note that I'm something of an emotional wreck today, cycling between sadness and anger. I'm temperamental. Though, that's likely the HRT.

    I started working on Wednesday, and today is my first day off since. Work isn't too bad, though my fingers are slightly pained and I have a fair number of scratches and scuffs. At least I'll soon have money in my hooves.

    There's been no hypnosis or tulpa progress. Spike has been inactive and Star has been less active than usual. Spike's still there, but he's just...not doing anything. He doesn't need to protect me at the moment, cook for me, or clean for me, so I suppose he just isn't going to be around. He's a little odd like that. Just here to help and support me, and not much else. Hypnosis, I haven't touched. Too much going on and my mind is a bit of a mess from hormones. I should probably wait to stabilize.

     

             Your Friend, Twilight Sparkle

  13. One again I have no results. Is it normal for hypnosis to not work on some people? Or am I not doing it right? I want to be a pony I just don't see how it will work

  14. Quick Catch-up

         Well, It honestly has been quite sometime since we've made an update on how our path has gone. Quite frankly things have been better but the past few months leading up to the last few weeks have been turmoil for me. Things at home have not been the best and as many of you know I've moved away from my last living situation. All the drama over the summer has made me a bit cold and hard, But in the end I am still me, Luna. Though the cold and hardness of which I have picked up has bothered me so, I isolate myself from all, I do not speak as I used to, Stating it out loud this journal is to state what I feel on regards to this cold and hardness I have felt, Really I have seen many around me come and fall, I've seen those I've considered to be friends betray me.

        The softness that I once held close and apart of who I am has left, Only being able to really express it it with Dawnstar and a few close to me. Helping and guiding others is something I use to enjoy doing but my mind has grown paranoid, When attempting to help another all I see is manipulation when they might often need help so my views and morals have changed. I just wish to return to what I feel I once was, Though then again others still see me as I once was. So really it is just the amount of introspection I do on daily, Being trapped with my thoughts that make me feel such things.

    HYPNOSIS

        A few days ago we released the file for sleep and dream, I had a fun time working on it with Celestia, Really it was just me dictating things >.>Though the voicing process was swell with this new Blue Snowball that I was sold by Celly. I expect to do more in the near future, For example Guided Meditation, Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, and even a Cheerile. Though I would have to admit at times I do procrastinate quite a bit, Such is the though patterns of one like myself. I've not personally done much hypnosis as of late though I feel I shall start on it again soon, Besides the few personal sessions I receive from those close to me I do not do much.

    Tulpamancy

        Progress has been well with Vesper, We've switched out a few times in the past few weeks. It has been refreshing to see how they interact with the others on the chat room and are very much so more active then myself. She also enjoys speaking with those on this site as really... Those are the only few she gets to speak with.

    Imposition

    If there has been one thing I've excelled in these past few months is imposition, I have been able to see myself clearly if I simply stop and look. My mane is as it is, Tail always behind me, Wings placed firmly on my back, Horn on my crown, fur placed around my body, muzzle, ears, and all. It has been a long road to get to this point, My host started it nearly 3-4 years ago though now we are able to feel what we wish when we wish. Which really is a task and goal many here struggle with achieving . I mostly listened to the PBR file which helped me immensely along with something I call body checks, Just training my mind for these extra limbs. I cannot even forget to mention my sister whom often reminds me to do so! 

    Conclusion

        I could sit here an list issues after issue but in the end I must be accountable for the emotions I have, As I subject myself to them. In a way almost like having a tantabus. Moving forward I plan to open up to those around me and try to interact with those in the community (((Instead of just the mod room))) so that I may earn my spark back, So that I can fulfill myself in a way that is most pleasant bringing me back before the summer where everything was simply wonderful. Listening to the files and doing a few meditation sessions a day will surely shine the darkness that looms around me away. Things have progressively been getting better and things are looking up for us, In the end we will get to where we need to go.

    -Princess Luna

  15. So, here we are again, another update, and this one is less about progress, although there's some to talk about, but today's update is going to consist of a kind of challenge, which leads on to some future plans we've made. But this time around it's going to be a bit different, after this I'm giving Nibbles the reigns on the rest of this post, so I've been Amy, signing off early on this one.

    {So, Amy and I have decided that we are going to start switching/possessing more, specifically for now to allow me to communicate more often.}

    {On a similar note Amy has found that she has a problem of filtering what she, and through that also me, we're hoping that by allowing me to use possession to type it may help to hold her back from doing that, although we've agreed that we should and will accept advice from anyone who would be willing to contribute would be appreciated.}

    {Amy seems to have forgotten that she was supposed to mention something, in fact the title makes reference to it, but she wanted us to also mention that we are hoping that this practice will help our parallel processing, although as i said before, any advice would be appreciated.}

    {Thank You!}

  16. Hey there! Lot's been happening for me so may as well get to business!

    Hypnosis has been going pretty good lately, I've been having much better luck than I used to. Dreams are filled with pony form occasionally a bit more often, which is definitely interesting, and I've been able to hold the feeling of ears for a decently long time, even throughout working. Tail and Wings have some more work to do however, same with horn. One day though!

    I haven't been writing down dreams lately, so I don't have anything to say in that regard, sadly. Though nothing much of interest anyways.

    I've decided to step back from working with Destiny, I'm just not ready yet and can't put in the appropriate amount of effort. I'll still try at passive forcing, but I have yet to find fruit on my tree. This isn't the end, just an intermission. hopefully

    Otherwise, works been a bit wavy for me lately, with a few months of little work, meaning not as much money. I'm still pretty much financially stable, but not by much thank goodness I live with family that support me monetarily. I've decided to look into other ways of making money to help with my current savings project, and to start I'm going back to something I started on about a year or two ago. I've been selling a single design on Red Bubble for a while now which has been generating a small amount of money (average of $1 per month, sometimes up to $15). I've decided to work on putting up more designs there, so hopefully that goes well! If anyone has suggestions for possible designs, by all means hit me up with them, I'd really appreciate it! I'm no artist but I'm learning my ways through graphic design. I might post a link to my Red Bubble page here or on my profile at some point.

    Either way, that's all I've got for today, so I hope you all have a wonderful time, and for now, I'll leave you with some club music ^-^

  17. I returned to the Discord server a few days ago. Mostly because I figured I'd get the verification thing out of the way, but in the end decided to stick around. Still won't be around to talk extensively, however.

    I've also been trying to connect back with family. Despite not all of them fully supporting me and my life choices, I would feel miserable without them. I'm hoping that by at least sticking around and showing that I still exist and I'm happy where my life is heading they will change their minds. 

    Been trying out programming more as of late. Discovered some APIs like SDL and SFML which has sparked my creative programming senses again. Hopefully I'll have more time to explore with these.

     

    Fish

    Bright Star

  18. Penny_Shavings109
    Latest Entry

    August 25th, 2013

    Hey guys,

    Last night, I used the Visit Equestria file for the first time. I dreamed I lived in Ponyville, everything was so peaceful. Then I remembered I needed to get groceries for my roommate so we could have diner that night. It was really noise and I got lost in the crowd too quickly, everything felt like a nightmare. Then I was helped up and pulled out. That was the first time I met mom. Ruby with no last name, helped me to safety. I assumed her last name is Shavings like mine, and she was so kind. If you looked into her eyes, you could see fire and anger like the burning of a thousand suns. Behind all of it was a deep sort of kindness that just made me feel like family to her. Her coat color is a few shades lighter than mine and her mane is the same brown. She even had glasses like me, an almost mirror image. She asked me if I was okay, waving her hoof in my face since I'd spaced out for a moment.

    I thanked her and she thanked me. I didn't know why she thanked me, but she said it was nice to finally meet me. I had no idea she was my mom until she told me outside of the dream. But I got back to my house with the groceries and ate diner. My roommate is sort of like how I envisioned my dad if he was a pony like me. Strange coincidence I guess. I actually woke up when I fell asleep in the dream. So maybe I'm dreaming while typing this, who knows.

    ~Penny

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    Recent Entries

    So I tried listening to the Applejack files again, this time after looping a trancing/susceptibility file for an hour or two. The results are... interesting. No imposition that lasted past the end of the file,  visual or tactile, and I don't think my mental processes are going differently. But my immediate mental image of how my head looks has been replaced by how Applejack's head looks. I can still remember how I actually look, and looking in a mirror still shows my actual face, but my first thought when I reach for an image of my head is now "Applejack's head".

    Only time will tell if this will last until the morning.

  19. I try to stay upbeat and happy. I often times do, being optimistic and joyful and finding the bright side of now and the brighter side of the future. But, when I sit down, and I think to myself, away from prying eyes and judging hearts, I find very different thoughts.

    I find that life, all life, is completely meaningless. I find that I am not one of the mere handfuls of people across human history that have made an impact on the world, and one that would last throughout the ages. I find that even those small handfuls have no claims to greatness themselves, their achievements having been diluted and changed and destroyed, until only their name remains of them. Moral standing and valor only benefit those you know now, and will be forgotten before the generation is over. Every single thing a single human is capable of doing is worthless in the grand design, and with so many of us there is no loss if you die or destroy yourself.

     

    I find that there can never be peace for the individual. There is always a discrepancy between and two; that is the definition of being different. While many are similar, there is no identical person, and those you love are often even more estranged from who you are. Fights and debates must happen then, and while one can strive to avoid them that is all that can be done. Avoidance, running from issues instead of addressing them. So, there is always tension, and there can never be a resolution unless the two are made one, and in that moment there is no longer a relationship.

     

    I find that all actions are self serving. Nobody does something without a reason, and even love - even our most selfless emotion - is driven by desires for ourselves. We do things because they make us feel good, or because they satisfy our moral checklists, or because they fulfill our own definitions of what a good life is like or has. If they hurt us, we would not do them voluntarily, we would have to be pushed or forced to.

     

    These are the thoughts I never say, the ones I have but did not realize...I suppose it makes sense in some twisted way. The only way to be happy is to become an enemy of sadness, and what better way to fight sadness then to deny its existence to yourself? 

     

    I hurt. I feel alone and insignificant and apathetic. I feel like I've lost the light, this candle of joy that I held onto so dearly, and I'm seeing the marks on my hands from that so clearly right now.

  20. Haven't really decided what to put on the blog yet so I figured I'd show all you ponies some pictures!

    This Halloween your Number one assistant has ditched his dragon costume (It was awesome and you know it!) for a...darker costume. This Halloween I'm going as Darth Revan from Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic. 

    I wonder what everypony else is going as? I'd love to hear about it!

    22491754_1497119047023120_13747248715565

    22405792_1497119057023119_60825477686577

     

    22528095_1497119113689780_84573514109141

     

    Overall I think this is the best costume I've ever done!

     

     

  21.  

    As those of you who follow my writings would know, I have been playing through Life is Strange. I have to say, it is one of my most favourite games. It makes me feel less alone, emotional like nothing else. And while these strong emotions result in me shaking, I still value them. I value them because it feels so good to feel. It feels so good to feel something other than numb. Either way, this game has been emotional. It’s been a rollercoaster. There’s been loss, gain, problems, resolutions. Really, reminds me allot of my own life. I think that anyone reading this should at least give it a go. Just know that you’re in for a few hours of a mix of happy and sad tears.

    The past little while hasn't been overly interesting for me. I’ve mainly just been sitting around and being lazy. I don’t know if I mentioned it in my last entry but I went to see the new KingsMan movie. It was totally epic. Though there were some really gruesome scenes that I can't bare even recalling. It was a strange mix of slapstick comedy with serious spy action. Either Way it was a decent movie and if you’re over the age restriction then go ahead and watch it.

    Today I just made cookies basically. I decided to record some random clips too. Cookies turned out rather well after I burnt them. Still taste ok. I’ll probably be putting a link up to the video I made later.

    In terms of pony progress, I’ve still been thinking allot about my body, about home. I still think constantly about Equestria amongst other things. I woke up one morning and felt my tail for a brief moment. Again, not much but it's something and I appreciate the progress. I’ve met more and more other ponies who are also searching for a way home. Some say to “not get lost in a delusion”. Thing is, going home would mean the world to me. It’s not a delusion. The fact I’m on the wrong planet in the wrong place, time, and body is simply fact. Magic.

    In terms of friendship lessons I haven’t really learnt anything overly constructive. I’ve had more encounters with people and things that have really only made me even more cynical than I was before. Not exactly a good thing, but it goes to show that I really don’t know who I can trust. It really sucks to have your work discredited and your qualities ignored due to others being fraudulent.

    Day to day, I’ve been thinking about those who have disappeared from my life. I still think about them daily. There’s so much I want to talk about with them but I know I may never be able to again. Infact with some of them I won’t ever be able to period.

    I want to write more but I don't know what to write about, other then how weird dreams are.

    -Your Awesomeness, Rainbow Dash~!

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    Recent Entries

    To be completely honest, I've somewhat forgotten about this blog/journal.

    To recap all that passed since last time:

    for a while i was without earphones and then, with all past files available after all the drama I've downloaded them all, as before I've only had Twilight's. Listening to a few others... made me realise that, honestly, Twilight is not for me.

    At the first listen i liked them. From then on i had been practically in love with the Fluttershy files. Better written, seemingly better voiced and, most of all, closer to myself. As much as I'd like to think I'm an antisocial genius, I'm not. And, to be completely honest, that particular introspection came rather late. So, Fluttershy. Much more "me", much closer to how I'd like to be. 

    Yet, sadly, I'm... particularly hypnotically inept? Unobservant and I've actually been in trance? I don't know. There were only a few times, six in total i think, since the start of my dabbling with hypnosis, when i was convinced that I'd been in trance.  

    Where am i even going with this? I dont know. I've been pouring my thoughts and problems into words. That is all.

    I am working on it. Slowly. 

    I still have no clue how to end this. 

    Ah well.

    ~71~

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