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      Nightmare Night Raffle   09/29/2017

      Greetings Everypony, This October is the run up to Nightmare Night. For the community I shall be holding a raffle which would bring in such fun.  To join in the festivities I will give the community a few ways to gain entry into the raffle: -Change your discord avatar to one of your character in costume, with a username to match. (See -Witch Luna /Batlestia as an example) -Make 10 posts to the forum throughout the month, This includes replies, You may do status updates, but only once a day. Journals count as 2 posts. -Donators automatically get one free entry You may have more than one ticket and we have many prizes coming your way. Winners will be given on a first drawn, first choice basis, a selection of different prizes. If anyone has any prizes such as steam keys to give away, you will also receive an entry for helping. Good luck and Happy Nightmare Night. -Luna & Celestia

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  1. Penny_Shavings109
    Latest Entry

    August 25th, 2013

    Hey guys,

    Last night, I used the Visit Equestria file for the first time. I dreamed I lived in Ponyville, everything was so peaceful. Then I remembered I needed to get groceries for my roommate so we could have diner that night. It was really noise and I got lost in the crowd too quickly, everything felt like a nightmare. Then I was helped up and pulled out. That was the first time I met mom. Ruby with no last name, helped me to safety. I assumed her last name is Shavings like mine, and she was so kind. If you looked into her eyes, you could see fire and anger like the burning of a thousand suns. Behind all of it was a deep sort of kindness that just made me feel like family to her. Her coat color is a few shades lighter than mine and her mane is the same brown. She even had glasses like me, an almost mirror image. She asked me if I was okay, waving her hoof in my face since I'd spaced out for a moment.

    I thanked her and she thanked me. I didn't know why she thanked me, but she said it was nice to finally meet me. I had no idea she was my mom until she told me outside of the dream. But I got back to my house with the groceries and ate diner. My roommate is sort of like how I envisioned my dad if he was a pony like me. Strange coincidence I guess. I actually woke up when I fell asleep in the dream. So maybe I'm dreaming while typing this, who knows.

    ~Penny

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    Recent Entries

    So I tried listening to the Applejack files again, this time after looping a trancing/susceptibility file for an hour or two. The results are... interesting. No imposition that lasted past the end of the file,  visual or tactile, and I don't think my mental processes are going differently. But my immediate mental image of how my head looks has been replaced by how Applejack's head looks. I can still remember how I actually look, and looking in a mirror still shows my actual face, but my first thought when I reach for an image of my head is now "Applejack's head".

    Only time will tell if this will last until the morning.

  2. Well, ever the efficient pony I am, it's time for the introduction that I previously mentioned.

    I guess it'd be best to start of by introducing the star of the show. The most brilliant pony that currently inhabits my brain.

    12901415_167367816988411_588396603555007

    {The name's Nibbles. I don't have any nicknames but if you'd like you can go ahead and do that. :Cool:}

    Since this blog is to document mine and nibbles' progress to sentience, although really that's just a step along the way to full imposition of his form, I feel it's good to mention that this is the first time Nibbles has ever communicated, via text or otherwise, and I'm immensely proud of him.

    We've only been on this road for about 4 months now, and we've already made some great progress. But still, there is a long road ahead, and all we can keep doing is pushing on, until we get to where we're going.

     

    Now, I know that I had mentioned a recap post to cover all that we have already done, but due to college starting back up shortly after I started this, I've struggled to get this done while balancing collegework at the same time. So instead of one big recap post I will likely begin to occasionally add side-notes, describing any events that i recall from the first few months, to update posts that I will hopefully be more frequent with in future.

    Sorry for the ramble, I just felt it necessary to explain.

    {Thanks for reading, we'll be back soon enough. And remember, watch this space.}

  3. I try to stay upbeat and happy. I often times do, being optimistic and joyful and finding the bright side of now and the brighter side of the future. But, when I sit down, and I think to myself, away from prying eyes and judging hearts, I find very different thoughts.

    I find that life, all life, is completely meaningless. I find that I am not one of the mere handfuls of people across human history that have made an impact on the world, and one that would last throughout the ages. I find that even those small handfuls have no claims to greatness themselves, their achievements having been diluted and changed and destroyed, until only their name remains of them. Moral standing and valor only benefit those you know now, and will be forgotten before the generation is over. Every single thing a single human is capable of doing is worthless in the grand design, and with so many of us there is no loss if you die or destroy yourself.

     

    I find that there can never be peace for the individual. There is always a discrepancy between and two; that is the definition of being different. While many are similar, there is no identical person, and those you love are often even more estranged from who you are. Fights and debates must happen then, and while one can strive to avoid them that is all that can be done. Avoidance, running from issues instead of addressing them. So, there is always tension, and there can never be a resolution unless the two are made one, and in that moment there is no longer a relationship.

     

    I find that all actions are self serving. Nobody does something without a reason, and even love - even our most selfless emotion - is driven by desires for ourselves. We do things because they make us feel good, or because they satisfy our moral checklists, or because they fulfill our own definitions of what a good life is like or has. If they hurt us, we would not do them voluntarily, we would have to be pushed or forced to.

     

    These are the thoughts I never say, the ones I have but did not realize...I suppose it makes sense in some twisted way. The only way to be happy is to become an enemy of sadness, and what better way to fight sadness then to deny its existence to yourself? 

     

    I hurt. I feel alone and insignificant and apathetic. I feel like I've lost the light, this candle of joy that I held onto so dearly, and I'm seeing the marks on my hands from that so clearly right now.

  4. So, loads of things.

    The big one is that I recently told my family over facebook that I intended on fully transitioning to female. Originally, I got basically nothing but praise for my decision, but I hear nothing about anyone saying otherwise. My curiosity got the best of me and it turns out that a couple close family members feel that I'm wrong with were I'm going and (unintentionally) ridiculed me over my decision. Long story short, words were said between family members and things are kinda broken at the moment :/

    I'm okay now, though exhausted and oddly relieved. It might sound a bit crazy, but I'd much rather be told if I'm doing something wrong or that I'm unlikable versus just forcing me to guess. That being said, it's not easy. It will never be easy. 

    I'm glad to have family and friends that have been giving me support these past few days.

    I'm sick of the fighting, honestly, but I just need to keep moving on and hope that everyone will look past this and keep the peace.

     

    -Bright Star

  5. That's... a very good question. Honestly, I'm not sure at this point how much longer I'm going to be around for. I can feel that shadow slowly starting to loom over me, surround and encompass me. I can't deny there's a certain sense of peace about it, knowing that it probably won't be long off that all my problems are done with. But that time isn't yet. 

    Work has been long and rough, but not terrible I suppose... the late/long hours are tough, the people I work with are kinda dumb most of the time, and dealing with people all day isn't really easy. But it pays well, and compared to retail it's both simpler and (slightly) more enjoyable. Other than that, haven't really gotten much of anything done; no story stuff, no drawing, no files... apologies specifically to the ponies that desired to play some DnD with the extreme lack of progress and communication on my end.

    The mare came back into my life, so that was quite lovely; it was barely a week, but I missed her terribly. She's such a good friend, even if she can't quite understand or see why, and having her around again is... indescribable. 

    Other than that, not much to mention for the past 2 weeks of my life. I'm not sure what comes next... but however this turns out, just know you ponies are amazing, and have been wonderful.

    Until next time

    -Sunbeam [Glaical]

  6. Haven't really decided what to put on the blog yet so I figured I'd show all you ponies some pictures!

    This Halloween your Number one assistant has ditched his dragon costume (It was awesome and you know it!) for a...darker costume. This Halloween I'm going as Darth Revan from Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic. 

    I wonder what everypony else is going as? I'd love to hear about it!

    22491754_1497119047023120_13747248715565

    22405792_1497119057023119_60825477686577

     

    22528095_1497119113689780_84573514109141

     

    Overall I think this is the best costume I've ever done!

     

     

  7. How's that for keeping up with the daily posts huh? How about we change that to bi weekly for now so I don't feel overwhelmed, or like I don't have enough to say.

     

    Anyways onto business, a lot has happened since my last post. I'm back to the Twilight file, as I alluded to in my last post. Which is going well so far, I've still got the feeling of a horn, tail, and wings from the last time I did the file. I've been a bit lazy on the rest lately however, so that could use some work.

    I haven't found the time to work with Destiny much recently and this is starting to make me feel rather sad honestly, I've yet to have a lot of luck in this area...

    I've actually been spending a pretty large amount of my time working on sweetie bot as of late. I'd be lying if I said I've had more than a few hours break from that project ^-^" Though I am fairly proud of the progress I've made with my coding practice. I've come a long way in the short amount of time, even if I've got an even longer way to go before I can turn it into a career. I have however put my sights on game development, so I guess there will be updates on that here in the future.

    Other than all of that, my life has honestly been kind of conflicting, and it's usually quite hard for me to tell how I'm truly feeling. If I have to be honest, I often times put on my best smile in this community, even when it might not reflect my true feelings. I tend to feel like if I show that I'm not quite all neutral to happy all the time, I won't do as well of a job at making others days brighter. It's kind of stupid reasoning, and I shouldn't bottle things up, but I really care about everyone here in this community, and I hate seeing you lot in turmoil.
    It also doesn't entirely help that the family I'm living with currently, isn't exactly supportive of most of my actions, which doesn't brighten the mood much either. I'm hoping to leave this house behind within a year or two now, some way or another.

    Well now that the slightly emotional bit is done, I've also been playing some Hat in Time! So far, I think it's genuinely my favorite game of the year, actually, of the past few years really. Great controls on top of a great art style, amazing music, and just the most ADORABLE tone ever! It also really brings me back to the mario sunshine and mario galaxy games, which are my favorite 3D platformers. If you're into those games, or 3D platformers/collectathons at all, I highly recommend checking A Hat in Time out!

     

    Anyways, that's a decent post for now, I hope you all have a wonderful day, and for now enjoy an upbeat classic from the living tombstone:


  8.  

    As those of you who follow my writings would know, I have been playing through Life is Strange. I have to say, it is one of my most favourite games. It makes me feel less alone, emotional like nothing else. And while these strong emotions result in me shaking, I still value them. I value them because it feels so good to feel. It feels so good to feel something other than numb. Either way, this game has been emotional. It’s been a rollercoaster. There’s been loss, gain, problems, resolutions. Really, reminds me allot of my own life. I think that anyone reading this should at least give it a go. Just know that you’re in for a few hours of a mix of happy and sad tears.

    The past little while hasn't been overly interesting for me. I’ve mainly just been sitting around and being lazy. I don’t know if I mentioned it in my last entry but I went to see the new KingsMan movie. It was totally epic. Though there were some really gruesome scenes that I can't bare even recalling. It was a strange mix of slapstick comedy with serious spy action. Either Way it was a decent movie and if you’re over the age restriction then go ahead and watch it.

    Today I just made cookies basically. I decided to record some random clips too. Cookies turned out rather well after I burnt them. Still taste ok. I’ll probably be putting a link up to the video I made later.

    In terms of pony progress, I’ve still been thinking allot about my body, about home. I still think constantly about Equestria amongst other things. I woke up one morning and felt my tail for a brief moment. Again, not much but it's something and I appreciate the progress. I’ve met more and more other ponies who are also searching for a way home. Some say to “not get lost in a delusion”. Thing is, going home would mean the world to me. It’s not a delusion. The fact I’m on the wrong planet in the wrong place, time, and body is simply fact. Magic.

    In terms of friendship lessons I haven’t really learnt anything overly constructive. I’ve had more encounters with people and things that have really only made me even more cynical than I was before. Not exactly a good thing, but it goes to show that I really don’t know who I can trust. It really sucks to have your work discredited and your qualities ignored due to others being fraudulent.

    Day to day, I’ve been thinking about those who have disappeared from my life. I still think about them daily. There’s so much I want to talk about with them but I know I may never be able to again. Infact with some of them I won’t ever be able to period.

    I want to write more but I don't know what to write about, other then how weird dreams are.

    -Your Awesomeness, Rainbow Dash~!

  9. Two words that embody what I've gained...I can't say I'm...happy...at least not in the manner that we all consider true happiness to be...but I have gained fulfillment and meaning...this brings me to the next word...Dharma...the closest thing to a cutie mark that those adorable fleshy apes called hyumons have. I've found both...this brings me to my long term decisions. It will take years to complete, but I will transition to marehood...The cost of surgery and hormones will be absurd and I need a councilor and therapist to help me through it...but after yesterday at the club...and visiting with family...they noticed my changes...I am and always will be Dash no matter my body. I will continue to trance...my imposition is more and more solid...I can feel my wings being stroked (oh god I get what Twilight was saying now, *shivers* s-so good), but I have it pretty consistently. The Alicorn PBR file has made things accelerate immensely...

     

    The other things I've concluded are...that to be happy...truly happy I need to accept that I will never be my pony self...it hurts to admit...but the sooner I accept it the sooner I can change the things I have control over. There isn't much to say...these past two months have been exciting and filled with...not joy, but happiness. I have no reason to fear myself or fear others...

     

    I will conclude with this: 

     

    I have the serenity to accept the things I can't change,

    I have the courage to change the things that I can,

    And I have the wisdom to know the difference

     

    I wish you all luck on your own journeys and may your cutie marks guide you to the fulfillment you seek.

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    Recent Entries

    To be completely honest, I've somewhat forgotten about this blog/journal.

    To recap all that passed since last time:

    for a while i was without earphones and then, with all past files available after all the drama I've downloaded them all, as before I've only had Twilight's. Listening to a few others... made me realise that, honestly, Twilight is not for me.

    At the first listen i liked them. From then on i had been practically in love with the Fluttershy files. Better written, seemingly better voiced and, most of all, closer to myself. As much as I'd like to think I'm an antisocial genius, I'm not. And, to be completely honest, that particular introspection came rather late. So, Fluttershy. Much more "me", much closer to how I'd like to be. 

    Yet, sadly, I'm... particularly hypnotically inept? Unobservant and I've actually been in trance? I don't know. There were only a few times, six in total i think, since the start of my dabbling with hypnosis, when i was convinced that I'd been in trance.  

    Where am i even going with this? I dont know. I've been pouring my thoughts and problems into words. That is all.

    I am working on it. Slowly. 

    I still have no clue how to end this. 

    Ah well.

    ~71~

  10. Dear Equestrian Souls,

     

    I have discovered that my horn and ears now stay imposed where they used to disappear! I suppose working on channeling magic/energy has revitalized my perceptions. Today I took a shower and felt my horn, ears, and wings automatically - things I usually needed to concentrate to make appear while in the shower that sometimes still didn't show up were simply there, much to my surprise. I will continue working on my magic, as it seems to be a major key in my continued progress. I really should have kept to the metaphysical energy working more like the student I am, instead of putting it off like the slacker that I became in my time lost in this world without my true self.

     

    Today I saw the song "B.B.B.F.F" in my Youtube recommended. It immediately brought me memories of Shining Armor. I've actually never really thought of him, but I suppose I said it best in the song. I miss him more than I realize, it seems. Maybe one day I'll find a Shining around here, maybe even the exact one I miss. But Shining Armors are few and far between, just like Spikes.

     

    As a side note, Spike wants to talk to others more, take care of me more, and wants to be in front often. I'll likely be letting him! He does a good job keeping things together, and doesn't have the gender/species dysphoria I have when he takes over(since he's male and already anthro). He's not my number one assistant for nothing! He really wants me to take some time to be home in my library, stating that it's good for me and providing evidence that I feel more like my true self after time in the library. I just wish Dash and Scootaloo were with me there.

     

    Your Friends,

       Twilight and {Spike}

  11. twilight pie
    Latest Entry

    well i did the twilight hypnosis file today and when i say the trigger i get a mares voice like twilight,and that is all except that i am trying to feel the tail and other things because i very much want want to be a pony.

    also do you all know of a twilight file that has the wings because i would like to know.

     

    by twilight pie

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    Recent Entries

    Scotsman
    Latest Entry

    So at long last I've finally decided to start. Here we go I guess

     

    Time - 13:00

    Place - Lying Down on Bed

    Duration Of Session - 35 Mins

    File Used - V3 Inducer & BGM

     

    Feelings 

    Front Hoof - Strong, Tingling Feeling at mention of them

    Back Hoof - Weak, Small Feeling at mention of them

    Tail - Medium, Could feel tail at mention and was able to sway it left and right

    Fur - Slight tingling at mention

    Mane - Weak, Small feeling at mention of mane

    Ears - Slight tingling at mention

    Muzzle - No Feeling

    Wings - Strong, Could feel at mention and throughout session

     

    Overview

    Today's session went well. Had strong feelings in most areas and the wings definitely lingered after the session.

    Other than the wings all other feelings disapated after the session.

    The strangest thing was after the session I went to talk and found my voice was a little higher than it was previously. Not sure if I did that on purpose though as I couldn't really tell.

    Pleased with current progress. Yet I still don't have an overall goal so any tips would be helpful.

     

     

    Visual Effects

    None

     

    End

    Second session went well however, might start looking into keeping a dream journal

    See ya later everypony

    Scotsman singing off. 

  12. the final post of the pinkie journal. the journal ends without me making a post about what happened after I used the reset file. long story short, I have some kind of EKP type thing. I explain it into detail in my rainbow dash journal (which I will post later)

    ----------------

    Day- 57 caketastic!

    Post by KrazyDashie on Sat Jun 29, 2013 11:11 am

    Hay everypony! 

    Type of file: my usual

    NOTES:

    Srry for the lack of updates, but im hooked on the mine little brony mod on minecraft xD anyhoof, on to the journal!

    So, got my usual effects and i felt hooves again. And ive been smiling, chatting, being silly, being bubbly and fun! *giggles* ive been watching MLP episodes again and still laughin at things! And on IRC we start cake wars! *giggles*

    Oh an i want to tell everypony in not switching files, i wuv pinkie so much im not gonna switch (horrrrray!)

    EDIT: so when me, my mom and mah brother went grocery shoppin, I carried a heavy freezie box with my arms. welp, I had the urge to drop on all fours and carry the box on my back.... but I didn't want to do it in a public grocery store xD

    Keep laughing,

    -krazy pie

     ------------------------------

    Day 58- hot shower = temporary hooves

    Post by KrazyDashie on Sun Jun 30, 2013 9:18 am 

    Hay everypony!

    Type of file: mah usual

    Countdown to my birthday: 7 days! (Cant wait!)

    NOTES:

    Effects were once again normal. And im one happy pony! Im finding mahself to be a little clumsy and silly. Like i triped and fell over when carrying a box of water bottles Big Grin. Anyhoof, so i noticed that when i went to hav a shower, i put my hind hooves in the hot water. Belive it or not but it felt like my feet melted. I felt i lost my toes and my feet got more circular. And my legs changed too. And i felt my hooves for about 10 seconds when i took them out of the shower. (Sadly no hooflock)

    Keep laughing,

    -krazy pie

     ---------------------------

    day 59- normal things

    Post by KrazyDashie on Tue Jul 02, 2013 3:27 pm

    hay everypony!

    type of file: my usual

    days to my birthday: 5 more! whoo!

    NOTES:

    I got basic effects like always... and I really think I hav my fur, its hot over here. and more hot than usual... (and my family always say it aint THAT hot... and im working up a sweat) and im always warm. anyhoof, ive been doing more silly things and being more happy! and im really excited for my birthday coming up! and im loving MLP more and more. (and my parents don't like it more and more XD)

    oh and im looking to see if theres any MLP games out there I can get... can anypony tell me of some? (im getting bored of minecraft) thanks in advance!

    keep laughing,

    -krazy pie

     ---------------------------

    Call of th' apple...

    Post by KrazyDashie on Fri Jul 05, 2013 3:00 am 

    Hay everypony!

    Ah'm taking a break of hypno for a few days... Cuz welp, if y'all talked ta me, or see me right now, ah'm speakin' in a applejack accent... Which is odd... So, ya might ask y, and just so u dont ask... Ah didnt switch... It welp, randonly triggered. So.., uh... Yeah...

    Keep laughing,

    -krazy pie (or apple pie, or applejack or somethin' :3)

     ---------------------------------

    MAH BIRTHDAY!!!! :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDSDDDDDSDD

    Post by KrazyDashie on Sun Jul 07, 2013 10:53 am

    Hay everypony!!!!!

    The title says it all!!! MAH BIRTHDAY!!!!!! WHOOOO!!! *trows a HUGE partay!!!* whooooooooooo!!! *snuggles everypony*

    Partay hard!!! :DDDDD,

    -krazy pie :DDDDD

     ----------------------------

    Its always hard to say bye....

    Post by KrazyDashie on Tue Jul 09, 2013 3:40 am

    Hai everypony

    Soooo... I might hav confused everypony by saying im switching, then saying im not. Well, today im SURE im gonna switch.... And no... I changed my mind of going AJ. In fact, im going RD Big Grin

    So i know, im gonna miss pinkie... But i hav some good news. Before hypno, i was already halfiah pinkie, which means, i will still hav some fun in my RD :DDD

    So... The reason why im switching.... Lets just say i got picked on and yelled at by everypony in my school for being annoying and too distracting... In other words bullied... Yah... I was bullied.

    Soooo.... More good news :3 if i dont like my RD hypno, im always leaving a door open to join back in as pinkie, after all, i am the most active pinkie :3 (and top poster Big Grin)

    So.... Yeah... Im gonna miss pinkie, as like i said before if i dont like RD im comming back as pinkie!

    Taking a gulp and reseting....

    -krazy pie (even if im RD im still krazy pie :3)

     --------------------------------

    just a quick update

    Post by KrazyDashie on Sat Jul 13, 2013 11:37 pm

    hay everypony!

    sooo, first u all might say, "krazy, why are u still using ur pinkie journal? ur a rainbow aren't u?" well, im gonna talk about it below :cute2:                                                                                                  

    ok, to start, im not a rainbow just yet... I cant reset... the dropbox holding the reset, is WAS disabled Rainbow Dash Facehoo  so yeah... im pinkie for the time being :DD  so, im gonna go and do the reset now :3

     

     

    next, im gonna be on vacation for a week or so, and were on the road a lot... so no internet access :facehoof: so im not gonna be in the IRC or the fourms... unless I get to my hotel... and theres internet! :DD anyhoof, il try to pop in the IRC to say hai when I get the time and internet...

     

    annnnnd, boredom :bestday: I have been bored for the last few days... nothing to do.. NOTHING. I play computer for 4 hours, still bored. play xbox, meh... still. honestly I have been feeling rainbow ALOT. ive been feeling REALLY bored.. and everything else... and by the way, I haven't touched no rainbow file... cuz I cant reset

    anyhoof, that's it for now...

    keep laughing,

    -krazy dash/pie

     --------------------------

    another small update

    Post by KrazyDashie on Thu Jul 18, 2013 12:14 am

    hay everypony!

     

    sooo, my vacation. its great so far! but, two days no internet..:aw:(my hotel charges 13-15 bits for internet) but... now we are at another hotel with internet! but.... really slow internet... my Skype kept crashing :facehoof: annnnnnyhoof, we seen a lot of things and lots of awesome stuffs.

    ok, hypno news. didn't reset yet... (first reason no internet. next reason... sleep crept over me before playing the file  annnnnnnnnd, been getting a couple of dreams... some of them is like me having withdrawl as pinkie and im pinkie in my dream, but my pinkie body slips away and I become rainbow... weird I know and theres another dream when I am rainbow doing different stuffs. I forgot most...

    soo, that's all I have for now! oh.. forgot to add, im gonna ask for a rainbow journal soon :3

    keep laughing, and keep being awesome,

    -krazy pie/dash

     --------------------------------------

    onnnnne, more update

    Post by KrazyDashie on Sat Jul 20, 2013 2:46 am

    hai everypony!

    so, my vaction is done! and it was awesome! well, except for the 6-7 hour car drive home...

     ok,so uh.. question about EKP. how exactly do u know u have it?cuz I have this big head ache that I had for the whole day... and im really whoozy   ( I can be sick but im not sure) and..... yah   so, good news. I don't hav EKP... im sick.... still feel woozy.

    annnnnd, gonna try to get that reset done tonight!  ok... didn't reset yet... maybe tonight... or tommrrow. or someday and ... im gonna ask twi to make me a rainbow journal today or tommrrow! Rainbow Dash Cute

    annnnnyhoof, that's it for now!

    up on her cloud,

    krazy pie/dash

     --------------------

    change in personality tests O.o

    Post by KrazyDashie on Sun Jul 21, 2013 3:38 pm

    hay everypony!

    so I decided to do the test a few times... and I was SHOCKED at wat I got

    oh, don't ask why pinkie broke off so much... I don't know either

    oh before u ponies ask, I didn't reset yet... or listend to RD files... (I didn't reset cuz I fell asleep before I played it

    srry in advance if I get anypony worried....

    up on her cloud,

    -krazy pie/dash

    ------------------ 

    standing up to wats right

    Post by KrazyDashie on Mon Jul 22, 2013 8:37 pm

    hai everypony! 

    taday I did something im really proud of. so, remember way back when my "friends" were making fun of me? well, taday I stood up to him.

    so, what happened was I contacted him on Skype and he had this huge argument about our friendship and him making fun of me. really, he lied the whole thing I guess just to prove me wrong. anyhoof, I just wanna say that Im not his friend anymore. and he got mad at me, accually got mad at my dad (cuz my dad pointed out he was a bad friend) and stuff like that.

    [2:36:18 PM] cookiecrumbles: well no ones perfect and have you told him about how you can be?!? how you NEVER take no for an awnser! how your stubborn and have your weird mlp addiction? that's one quote he sent me ;-;

    so yeah. where im I going with this? ok. so, now im friendless. I have no more friends at school or around me. cuz all of them are meanies and make fun of me all the time. and, im really really, proud to say this... "the fourms and the IRC holds my only true true friends." Rainbow Dash Awyeah and so, this is the only place where ponies care.... not make fun of me.

     

    and, I just found out both of the meanies are removing me from Skype Rainbow Dash Grin

    he seemed to sweet talk at the every end of the conversation. after the end transmission thing, he said that he ment wat he said. and he removed me on skype. now i feel like hes trying to make me feel bad or something. (after about two years of bullying. pffft. like im gona feel bad) but still.... welp now im just waiting for a phone call or a knock on my door. (he lives close to me :/)

    up on her cloud,

    -krazy dash

     ----------------------

     and that's it for the pinkie posts! I successfully revived my journal <3

     

    the pinkie journal like I said was cut off by one or two posts because I posted it in my rainbow dash one (it explained what happened after I used the reset file)

     

    anyways! thas all ponies!

    -Starlight Glimmer~

  13. Nova
    Latest Entry

    Alright, a bit of an update. After some time alone, it seemed Alena had come around on her own, and showed a bit of an interest in what I was doing. I decided to get off of the computer for a bit, and play some Need For Speed Underground 2, in order to gauge her reactions to different games (will play more in the future, possibly tomorrow). Another thing that I've started doing, is listening to different songs, to see where her music tastes and personality lie. Here's a big piece of info though: Alena's basis is a soulbond, or the slightly living embodiment of a character that developed on its own while writing a fanfiction story.

    It seems that Alena has nearly, or perhaps completely embraced the personality of the soulbond, and has since incorporated it into her own. There are upsides and downsides to this. The upside is that I can have a fair grasp on her character traits early on; the downside, is that the character wasn't fully developed when this had been started. Though I guess one could say that is also an upside.

    A brief explanation of her character though:

    -she has no problems using magic to cheat in official events if she can get away with it, especially if there's a monetary incentive to win
    -she is fiercely loyal to family
    -family means everything to her, and will do anything to make sure they are safe
    -is not easily angered, but also has the wrath of a dragon
    -will not hesitate to put you in your place if it is deserved
    -promises are forged in dragonfire. Pinkie Promises are currently trumped by the Oaths of Noel (her last name)
    -will literally walk through Hell itself to make good on a promise
    -is a bit of a jokester. will troll if an opportunity rises
    -has no shame with blatantly using magic in any given situation if it helps to any degree
    -has an almost fetish-like love for the SCAR-H-STD

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    Frenz
    Latest Entry

    Greetings!

    So I've been untriggered for a good while (~4 months?), I... couldn't say a straight up "because", but I wanted to focus entirely on my college courses, sometimes poking around the chat on discord. I do remember a little how I behaved when triggered, and look back at it with a smile.

    But on another side of that memory, I remember having other inclinations, desires, outlooks for the future... Y'know, I didn't quite like being in classes, after starting with the Applejack hypnosis on vacations, where I could walk around town, go to the beach, do what I wanted. And now I'm kinda sinking into the courses, thinking thoroughly about this semester's start.

    What I had in mind for a good while was: I was into my AJ state for too long, ignoring my own, integral, unique kit of thoughts and memories that make me who I am... I'll call it a "pure self", sounds good. Well about this, I can compare it to videogame perks; my pure self was unattended for a while, and had little experience with it, while all the "farming" was done with the Hypnoself (another made up word!). **I also don't mix both mentalities very well, I can learn big lessons from thinking as AJ but most of the everyday info goes into another part of my memory, and that's important too, it shouldn't go to other places.

    Well the counterintuitive part falls in when you consider, like it or not, we live in a human world and society. And humans are the better suited kind for that, duh.

    Well, with enough of that beating around the bush, what I'm saying is: I'm an unbalanced individual. Yes, from here and going way back. I've learned and agree that the secret to a happy life is finding equilibrium in every aspect, but I often ignore the scales and incline heavily for something of immediate gratification.

    It's kinda hypocritical, yes. For someone who claims to seek balance in everything as me, even more. But the first step to solving a problem is identifying it, I know that much. So from here on, I'll make a statement, sort of a promise... I will try to balance myself out, be more self-aware in every sense of myself, and rectify my attitude in front of life, one step at a time.

    But oh where to begin... I'll have to delve into that...

    On that note, I'm outta here! Take care everyone~

    "Making a promise with your friends about something scary gives you the courage to do it!
    And promises, even if we forget them, are still there, deep down..."

    -Taken and adapted from various dialogues from Kingdom Hearts Re:CoM

    ** = Edit

  14. Pink Streamers
    Latest Entry

    Questions. A lot of this journal is just questions. About me, about who I even am in the first place, what I want to do, what I need to do; it never ends.
    I left the Discord server a while ago and I've been gone for some time now, and to be honest, I don't know if I'll come back. Being in there makes me feel worse overall. Sad, angry, jealous, that's a problem with me, but I just really don't want to go back at the moment.
    I'm about to start doing other files now, but I probably won't document anything unless it's something major.

    There's so much more I wanted to put here, but I either can't put it into words or I feel ashamed for talking about it.

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    Before I start this post, I ask that if you're going to post, please do so respectfully. This isn't time for drama...this is a time for me to pay my respects to somebody I considered family.

    I want to go back, back to when I was still somewhat new to the community, back to when I first met her. I came across Positivity years ago, back in 2013. That's back when everyone knew her as Kavidun. I was a bit unsure what to think of her at first, but we quickly became friends. Sadly, over the next few months, events happened and she ended up banned. It was also around that time I got brought onto the staff as a moderator. So with that, it put a bit of a dagger in our bond. Regardless, we carried on. She taught me a lot about hypnosis and even was kind enough to give me a few sessions. Her private sessions were very powerful, so much so that I barely remember them. I mostly re-call the introductions, something I won't ever forget. Heh, she was actually the first one to get me into voice calls, which was hard for me due to how shy I was back then. So I owe her a lot for that.

    Over the next few years we would talk on and off. Sometimes we were working on re-building that bond we had...other times it was us butting heads over what happened. No matter the case, it was always nice to hear from her, even if it was us getting into an argument. Over time, we slowly got that bond we had back, but it was so much stronger for going through what we did. As time went on, I watched her build an amazing community from the ground up with nothing. I was so proud of her hard work and determination. It was all very inspiring, if I can be honest. It brought me out of a bit of a rut I was in with the hypnosis community. I was even lucky enough to help over on PH for a bit. I'm thankful she trusted me so much, her trust meant a lot to me. It was my goal to repay that trust, helping her in anyway I could and standing by her side, through the good times and bad.

    Ponies have had their issues with her, I get that, but to me...she was family. This will be the first time I publicly say this, but she was my mistress. It's not something I'm ashamed of, but very proud of, actually. We kept it a bit under wraps as to not cause any panic. During that time, she was amazing to me. The way she treated me, cared for me and just the time we spent together. We had our small issues here and there, but she was respectful, kind and caring. I've never really had a mistress before her...and honestly, never will again. Nobody will be able to offer what she did. There will never be any one like her again, nobody can ever replace how special she was.

    This past summer was filled with a lot of ups and downs, but it was still amazing. It started out with our pet relationship. As I said, I've never really been in one, so I was unsure, but she showed me how amazing they can be. It drew us that much closer together. There was the whole drama between PH and ES/PH this summer, so that was rough on us, but we never gave up. We both did everything we could to make things work, and even when they didn't, we still stuck it out together. You may not get to see this, but thank you for sticking it out with me, even through all that drama we had to go through. It meant so much to me at one point when I was super down on myself and how protective you were of me. So thank you, thank you very much.

    They say that there are days you'll never forget. Times you'll remember what you were doing, even ten..twenty...fifty years from now. Thanks to these tragic events, I'll never forget August 25th, 2017. I'll always remember being in the LAX airport waiting for my flight to Australia when I got a message. It's the night I lost somebody very close to me. I'll always remember sitting there while they were trying to figure out if she was going to make it or not. It wasn't until after getting off that flight that it was confirmed. While on that flight, I had a nightmare of it happening. So it was like waking up from a nightmare into another one. This all still feels like it's a dream, like it can't be real. As the days and hours go by, reality starts to set in a bit more, confirming what I am having a very hard time accepting. All that explains a message I got earlier in the day from Positivity while I was aboard a previous flight. It was a message telling me how much she loved me. I was confused at first, but it all made sense a short while later. Even though she will never see it in this lifetime, I replied after getting the news. I just wanted to let her know how much I loved her and how much she meant to me.

    To be honest, she was a big part of the community for me. Love her or hate her, nobody can deny that. Without her here now...feels very wrong to me. While I feel her leaving us left a hole in me that can never be filled, I feel it'll leave a bigger one in the community. At this point and time, I'm not sure I want to continue on with the hypnosis community, with my position here. None of it feels right without her...but that's a topic for later. The bigger picture here is just how many people she brought together and helped with her hypnosis. Behind-the-scenes, just how much blood, sweat and tears she put into working on making the hypnosis community a much better and safer place for everyone around. I still remember the hours I spent with her in voice chat while she tried to fix the old pet file...that was back in 2013. Fast foward to now...2017...and she was still working on making the files even safer. Nearly half a decade of trying to make things as best as they can be. For that, she has my upmost respect.

    If I have any regrets, it'd be never getting to meet her. I've traveled around far, even to other countries such as Australia, so going to her country wouldn't have been an issue. It all led to me asking her about it. It was decided to go to Galacon together next year. I was a bit excited for the con, but it was more about seeing her. Being able to hang out with her in person instead of just games or chatter behind a computer screen. Being able to go up to her and give her the hug I've always wanted to. I'm sorry I didn't bring it up sooner, but I know we will be able to meet one day, even if it's not in this lifetime.

    Overall, Positivity was an amazing person. She had her faults, but we all do. Nobody is perfect. She was going through a lot...stuff somebody at her young age should never have to go through. Sadly, she had to leave us at such a young age due to all that. If I can feel at peace about anything, it's that I know she's up above...finally at peace. No drama, no worries...just pure happiness. Something she always deserved. The world here dealt her a very unfair hand, but she worked day in and out to overcome those challenges. I've always felt not a lot of people got to see her true side. A lot of people just saw bad posts about her and assumed the worst. Those of us that were close to her will tell you different. Away from the drama and politics, she was a very kind, caring, loving and overall very fun person to be around. I only wish more people got to see how truly amazing she was. I could go on for days about her, but I know words can never do her life justice. So with that...I'll end this with a short message.

    May your beautiful soul brighten God's smile more than ever before. Take flight with your newly found wings and shower the heavens with your love and kindness. I love you, Kavidun. You will never be forgotten and will always be with me...and us in spirit. Watching over us and guiding us, even if we can't see it. I know even on my darkest days I can look to the sky and know you're up on your special cloud, smiling down on me, helping me get through those dark times. 1138...a number I'll never forget. Until we meet again...rest easy. <3

    -Glide

  15. 8EQRBdh.png

     

    Procrastination. How many times can I denounce it and promise myself that I have overcome it yet still fall back into its clutches? My difficulty with procrastination will be the theme for my first entry. I intend to explore procrastination, my failed attempts to allude it, my other attempts to justify it, and my continuing pursuit to fight it. 

     

    The way I see it, procrastination is the single greatest threat I face to progressing further in my lifetime goals. The trouble with procrastination is that it can happen at virtually any moment. The perceived comfort that procrastination provides is like an ever-nagging addiction that refuses not to be relevant. However, this perceived comfort is a farce. While procrastinating can take the mind off of any activity or fact which causes stress, it’s always a losing deal. What good might come from another 30 minutes on Reddit, or social media, or the completion of less urgent matters? The answer to this question is simple: effectively none. The only thing that procrastination does is take away vital time that could otherwise be used for getting closer to any given dream you might hold. Procrastination is an evil and the only benefits it proposes are fleeting and will always end with you being worse off.

     

    I am no expert in these matters. In fact, I still haven’t worked everything out. I have a few strong ideas, but the purpose of the journal is not to provide a strict and complete outline for how to avoid the pressures of procrastination. The purpose of this journal is to document my steps as I work tirelessly to rid myself of this awful behaviour. My hope for writing this is twofold. Firstly, I hope to keep myself accountable. Secondly, I hope to inspire others to outgrow this alongside me. My concern with procrastination is a fundamental issue to me, and any tips, advice, comments, or otherwise will always be appreciated.

     

    So far, my single most prevalent belief at evading procrastination has been the pursuit of motivation. Until recently, I believed that it was a strong motivation to see myself in a better place which would inevitably push me out of this phase. There is a great problem with this belief, and I’m sure that many of you have already noticed it. Where does motivation come from and what happens when you don’t have any? Therein lies the problem with motivation. If one waits until one is feeling up to the task, one will be exponentially less likely to attempt said task with each passing day (as a result of an increase in justification for procrastination and a decrease in actual action). A helpful opinion piece I once read on the topic stated that the common perception of motivation is the result of a misattribution between the feeling one feels after a positive and challenging task has been completed and the feeling one expects to feel before this task is even started. Motivation is the reward for hard work, not the cause of it. This is important. If one is constantly motivated, what use do they have for completing challenging tasks? They already feel great, why take on the trouble of a challenge? This is the trouble with motivation in a nutshell.

     

    Before I move onto my new belief about overcoming procrastination, I’m going to focus on why I believe that I have allowed this behaviour to persist. My experience is one I have seen frequently in academic settings and I’m sure that it is not an uncommon one. My past belief was that I work well under pressure and, therefore, I can procrastinate until I am pressured to work by a deadline. What better motivator than the possibility of failure? This is a foolish idea that has no basis outside of self-deception and laziness. The ability to work has always been there, one does not need stress to awaken whatever ‘hidden brain’ they seek to access. The only thing that changes when one is suddenly under an external pressure is that they suddenly have a reason to be afraid. One might call themselves motivated in such a case but I would disagree with this. I find that procrastination is easily overridden by fear, thus creating a desire not to procrastinate. In the mind of a person who believes that it is motivation which will break them away from procrastination, they see the effect that fear has on them, notice that it matches up with their false perception of what motivation is, and therefore, falsely label this fear as motivation. Now that the true source of this ‘sudden urge to work’ has been called out by name, its faults should begin to present themselves. To name the greatest potential fault, one will inevitably become increasingly desensitized to the effects of fear until said effect does little, if anything, at all. This ultimately leaves the individual with an ever-approaching deadline and a missing urge to complete the assigned task. The pattern is obvious once it is understood. No great system is based upon the reliance of fear. Even if fear were to work, it is a fallacy of the mind to believe that the same ‘motivator’ will have a constant effect. In fact, it is very likely that an individual using this method will procrastinate more and more over time as they slowly build up a tolerance to this approach. I was lucky enough to catch myself in this pattern early. It can be a real self-destructive tragedy if one is not attentive to such behaviours.

     

    So then, what is my magical solution? Well, I bet you’ve spotted it in the title of my blog (in much the same way that one might find an episode of a show spoiled by its title). The method I am now proposing for the relinquishing of my most dangerous of habits is discipline. Before I continue, I will define what I mean by discipline. Discipline is the strength of mind which enables a person to do what they set out to do regardless of how they might feel at any given moment. To me at least, that’s a powerful thought. We all know the majority of what we must do to bring ourselves closer to the ideal reality we hold dearly. How wonderful would it be actually to act on this knowledge? Personally, I couldn’t imagine any greater power. This is what I am setting out to achieve, and I urge anyone who is reading this to do the same.

     

    In conclusion, procrastination provides a false sense of pleasure. In reality, the only thing that procrastination achieves is the worsening of one’s current situation in the future and a temporary ignorance of this worsening in the present. There are many justifications that one might have for procrastination, these mental gymnastics often rely on a misattribution of fear for motivation. There is no good which will result from delaying a necessary action. One must develop the strength of mind to act when action is needed; this is the essence of discipline as I see it.

     

    I’m going to leave things here for now. I believe I have provided a good introduction to the problem of procrastination, my experiences with procrastination, and a glimpse of what I believe to be the solution to procrastination. I will elaborate on my methods for developing discipline in an upcoming entry. Until then, thanks for reading. :) 

     

     

     

    Entry Bonus: Femininity Isochronic Tone File 

    What is this? Well, as a show of my appreciation for reading as well as an avenue to keep my skills sharp, I will be including little bonus files with each of my entries. To begin, I will be sharing my new Femininity file. Some of you might already have this file, for this, you can thank a good friend of mine. In fact, it was originally made solely for this good friend. However, she loved the file so much that she took it into her own hands (hooves?) to share it to anypony who would take it. Count this as an easy first bonus as well as an official release.

    The intent of the file is not to have the body suddenly begin producing estrogen, this is not very possible (to my knowledge, at least). Rather, this file works by creating an association in the mind between one’s own body and the frequencies associated with those of a female’s. After this association is created, a frequency related to the experience of euphoria is delivered which is intended to cement this association as a positive and beneficial one. I will always be open to further elaboration or question if required. I hope you all enjoy it and please feel more than free to share it with anyone who is willing to take it. This file is not exclusive at all to pony hypnosis and can be used by anyone looking for an increase in feelings of femininity. However, fun fact, if you’ve listened to the new Bat Pony Mare file that I edited, you have experienced some of the frequencies present in this file! 

     

    Femininity File Final 

     

    Until next time,

     

    Twilight

     

    DebsxVL.png

  16. The one where I come out to about 150 people.

     

    Facebook tuly is a versatile platform. I just posted a status saying that I'm bi and trans. No reasons to take anyone off my friends list yet, and thankfully. I no longer need to conceal me inside an outer facade, though I may still do that in public, considering my own uncertainty with looks and things like that, but I'm feeling much, much better.

     

    [And Twilight is letting me write down my own segment. There isn't much to say, save that Twilight is getting a lot better, and this has lifted a huge weight from her shoulders. Needless to say, that's a good thing.

    Also, she may have low blood pressure and needs to see a doctor. Consistent nosebleeds may be causing excessive blood loss. Not good in the slightest, of course.

    Anyway, that's all from me. We're recovering together. Talk to you ponies some other time!]

     

    Lots of love to everypony, and many thanks for all the support,

    Twilight Sparkle [and Tay~]

  17. [I've decided to stick with my pony form more often. Hooves may be inconvenient to work with, especially when I don't have a horn, but I can find other ways to make do, especially if it feels as amazing as it did today. I never knew belly rubs and ear scratches felt so amazing, but it was truly one of the best experiences of my life. I also managed to say something physically audible that didn't sound like a slurred mess, so I'm well on my way to being able to talk to people outside of text.]

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    Pizza Pone
    Latest Entry

    Hey all! It's Pizza Pony here.

    wow, sorry for not updating, but I guess the new people scared me a bit. I didn't think we'd have so many new ponies here.

    but anyway, being a pizza has made me think about things in my life and what it means to be pizza. I don't think anyone has any real answer other than just be yourself, so I think I'll just stick to that.

    so yeah, I shall continue on that quest. I need be pizza!

     

    -Pizza Pone

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    FlutterBlue
    Latest Entry

    I never did this on the original site but i feel i should on here. I've been doing the Pegasus PBR file for a bit to truly bring out the Pegasus within me. I already did the file enough to get results but i want to share my future endeavors with you all and even see what else the file can do to change me overall.

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    daniellee44
    Latest Entry

    Not much to say over the past week or so, haven't seen much progress and the experience mentioned in my previous post has still been the most successful, but i'm not giving up yet.

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  • Blog Comments

    • This is something we all deal with at one point or another. And I can tell you this...life does not have inherent meaning...and we are selfish to a great degree.    Despite these two things...life has meaning if you GIVE it meaning. Do what you enjoy or what makes you happy, not because of some higher calling, but because it makes you happy...and in regards to that selfishness, that you are aware of that is good and it means you can temper it. Force yourself to be the exact opposite of it...and understand and accept that a certain amount of selfishness is important for your happiness. And...people, whether they are ponies like ourselves, humans, or some other creature like dragons might be different, we might not be able to avoid arguments, but that too is a part of life *sighs* We contain multitudes. Our selfishness is only one part of the picture. Our generosity and kindness are just as real. You might be selfish, but you're also selfless. You might care about yourself, but you also care about others. It's easy to betray those you care about...so painfully easy, but you can choose not to. We all lie to ourselves and others...but we can just as easily choose to be honest. We might laugh at others hardship, but it's just as easy for us to laugh for somepony that needs it...and we can choose to close ourselves off from new experiences, but we can just as easily grow. These bleak discoveries you made aren't wrong, but they aren't entirely true either. Push yourself to be more than you are, because in the end you will be happier and better for it.   Please, don't let these realizations bring you down. Keep going, keep doing what makes you happy, never give up, and above all never forget that for all our faults we can work to overcome them.     This video...perfectly captures what it means for there to be no inherent meaning to life...It's sad, and painful, and scary, but in the end find joy in the journey, pleasure in the act of living, and happiness in your own existence. *sighs and hugs* Please don't give up. For yourself and those around you, because by giving up you resign yourself to unhappiness. Accept that there is no meaning...and MAKE meaning.
    • Good to hear you're free now. *sighs* I'm sorry to hear your family has the audacity to tell you who you are and what's best for you. I'm sure all of us here will support you in being who you're meant to be~. *hugs*
    • That's great big sis I'm so happy for you 
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