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  1. I literally just came to the realization that I've spent so long trying to find an answer and solve problems that I might be unconsciously CREATING them. Like, without problems who am I? This kinda thing isn't something I can just stop overnight. I've come to make an entry here because otherwise I'm going to forget. This kind of thing is so facehoofingly stupid, though I don't think it's a unique problem. It's like my body and mind are looking for SOMETHING for me to be anxious over...

  2. My tummy hurts! But regardless, this is going to be a log of my hypnotic experiences thus far. Breaking it down on body part!

    Legs, fore and hind: I have experienced hind imposition rather early on. Nothing extremely heavy; a phantom over my petrol monkey legs. They disappear once my focus falls. My fore legs are  a more tricky issue, because in my mind there isn't such a big difference.
    Face/Head: I have actually felt this! The outward pull of my muzzle, the lowering of my nose from my nose to a point above my mouth, the expansion of my eyes - although more vaguely than, among other things.
    Ears: I have also faintly felt this! They were a very faint phantom, but I could move them!
    Coat: I felt this too! Pretty intensely, for that matter. The slow sprouting and spread of my coat was so strange and I've seen my flesh as purple-lavender before, without fur mind you.
    Mane: Nope!
    Tail: Generally, it's a very limited. But today I felt my tail nub, completely physically, sprout from my tail bone. I stopped my secession there though...
    Hooves: Only work hind; not sure why not fore... Well, they did one day.

    As to my personality, I have seen myself go from an introverted, emotional, argumentative INFP to a INTP which does not share all the traits I once did...

    That's all, Concordia et Amor

  3. sillynonny
    Latest Entry

    Since last writing a fair amount has happened. Method wise, I'm now pushing myself to do hypno every night again and it's been working out better for me. My hooflock, thankfully, does not exist, having successfully been logic'd away. I do not miss it

    I've been running more files as well. Among them were a file to help train imposition, the personality file for Twilight, the unicorn experience file, and the recently released Modular file for forehooves. More or less I seem to be getting better at accepting the suggestions made and imposing them (indeed, Twilight can now make suggestions whispered into the back of my mind more long term), but it wasn't until recently that something made my form, and my sense of who I am, click.

    See, for awhile now, I've been unsure about my identity as a Twilight. Oh don't get me wrong, she fits me remarkably well, but I felt I wasn't really myself, at least not in full. I felt I needed to grow from there. So, throughout this time since my previous entry, I started introspecting about the traits that fit me, and what I needed or wanted. I also started debating whether or not I should become another pony for awhile, via reset and listening to another file. I'm not sure how I feel about that but it might help me find out more about myself. This is actually something that helped me ultimately helped me realize I am in fact another pony altogether, I think. I'm glad I hesitated, for once.

    So at some point I was at work, doing bored work horse things, and I'd asked myself at some point "what name would fit me if I were a pony?".
    This isn't the first time I'd asked this, honestly. I'd had these thoughts for awhile now. Anyways, while thinking about who I am, I stumbled across one part of it awhile ago. The word "radiant". It just kinda felt right, but I felt it didn't really completely fit me.. So I figured "I'd try and put some other words that might describe me, see if anything clicks". Didn't really work out. Today though, I thought "maybe radiant isn't quite right, so I fiddled with different variations. Eventually I felt something with "radiance".

    Only, that wasn't quite it either. So I put it to bed. Eventually my thoughts pushed towards some recent experiences, namely a breakdown I'd had a few days ago. How I'd pushed on despite it, and tried my best to shine through for those I cared about, despite the overwhelming desire to give in. It dawned on me how much I had changed since coming here. My old self would have given up. Without a doubt.

    As I thought about this, I started to think about why the word "radiance" felt right, the way it represented my desire to shine for those I care about,you and as I did, an image came to mind, of a stained glass window, with light streaming through it, as though it were bright and sunny out, and it reminded me of the way my experiences change me, and my perception, just as how stained glass changes how one sees the light that shines through, into a beautiful array of colors. I realized that through every experience I have had, here and before, I had changed, for the better, becoming more aware of what good was within me. I had been, to fit this image, stained into something better because of the changes that had happened to me from coming here, meeting others, and finding a place where I feel like I belong

    So i considered this, and came up with an addition to the first part of the name: Stained Radiance.

    I was a little uncertain, to be honest, but I felt this welling of emotion within my chest, and my body kind of tingled, all over. I felt my ears, my horn, my hooves and kinda sorta my tail, all in a sudden instance,, and all in stronger clarity (except the tail. That's really hard for me to feel for some reason), as well as a part of my body I hadn't been imposing before: wings. My aura color also changed, going from Twilight's signature purple to a brass yellow. With this, I knew that I'd found a part of myself. Even now, hearing this name feels right, like it belongs to me.


    So, I haven't figured out the specifics of my new form besides "is Alicorn with brass-colored magic", but I've got a direction to follow now. I hope that I will continue to learn more about myself, and who I really am under this fur.

    Eventually I'm going to switch my name but for right now I'm not worried.




  4. To be quite frank, I haven't had the alone time to keep up on actual sessions, considering the file lengths. An online friend and I briefly played around with some textual suggestions, and it had some effects.

    I've noticed that another way to trigger the mindset, is to go ahead and indulge my pony appetite when the urge comes to me. It's not like extra carrots and apples will hurt me. Or oats, for that matter. It's actually all pretty good!

    One more thing that I have done when I do have moments to myself, and this will sound silly, is pull long socks (clean ones obviously, I actually put aside a specific pair for this) over my hands. The additional external pressure seems to bring on the feeling of hooves quicker.

  5. It's been a bit since I've posted... again. I'm not too sure what I had in mind when I wrote the first post, I was actually procrastinating while writing it! I feel like I've become so detached from this community. Like everyone moved on and I missed the notice. I really don't know what happened but I've been finding myself really missing those earlier days. I remember how excited I was at being picked for the Harmony Link. Oh, that was such an amazing time. I had just met TwinkiePinkie, the closest friend I ever met here, we got along famously. That was back when the chat was built into the website. Just as quickly as we had met, we'd both received invitations to the Harmony Link. We felt so special, so affirmed in our roles, to have been selected to join this close-knit group of friends. I finally felt like I had a home. Things change though. People left, others joined, conflict arose, and people just drifted apart. Gosh, I really wish that someone had told me how important those times were. I really would have cherished them so much more. I feel like everything is different yet I just want the same old thing. I can make connections in real life just fine but they all feel fake. It's like I'm always wearing a mask and the only place where I could be myself around friends is now gone. I have some old friends out there who I'll probably never see again. With time, their memories will fade too. It feels silly to say it out loud but... I think those times were the best I've ever lived.

    We tried getting everyone back together again, making new groups to resemble the old ones, but something was different. No one had anything to talk about. Each group would end in silence. What once came so naturally was lost. I dearly wish I knew where that old spark of friendship went because right now it feels like I'm the only one who hasn't moved on. I'm still in touch with some of my closest friends from the time but, once again, something is different and I don't know what it is. I remember the times where I would eagerly look forward to reading chat logs. I would cheat though and scroll to see what my closest friends were saying. There were memes and jokes and personal stories or advice. What broke my heart though is how those messages changed over time. It wasn't in an instant, it was a long, slow ordeal. I saw the community that brought me so much happiness gradually fall apart. I don't really know why I'm writing other than the fact that this is what I used to do back then when I had something to say. I just needed to think some thoughts I guess. To anyone out there in a similar situation, please reach out. I really want to recreate whatever made those days so special. It's ok if no one reads this, there's no hope if you're not trying though.



  6. hey everypony!

    its.. been awhile since I updated this journal... anyways! I guess a lot has happened since the last time I posted in here... im really bad at titles, I dunno if I want to call this "trying something new" or "having new Trix up my sleeve" or something like that. I don't know okay? DX


    so... to start off... if anypony has been checking the discord and whatnot lately.. you would have noticed that I became... well... chrysalis for awhile, and then Trixie. its.. kind of a long story about that. all I remember the day I became chrysalis.. was that I think I was trying to make a new tulpa.. and somehow I changed my form into chrysalis. though I don't know exactly how though. it was... really really strange to me, since I was never in a non-pony form before, plus just.. the weird feelings of being a changeling I suppose... either way it was really weird.. but I slowly started to like that "weird" and slowly started to really like being a changeling.. so I decided to stay as a changeling. the thing was, I was still starlight.. just not form wise. I still felt like I was starlight, but in a changeling body. (I don't know how to explain it) so.. what I did was that I would basically switch forms with changeling magic and whatnot, to myself, starlight... and I guess I felt a little better that way? but... I don't know. I still felt that starlight, and that form was... pretty much who I was.

    about two weeks or so later... I thought that I wanted to... be another pony to see how I felt about it. (I was reluctant at first to be another pony by being a changeling.. incase something happened) and.. I decided since I... honestly always wanted to try to be Trixie. when I became her... I... instantly started to love being her, I loved the way my body felt, my coat colour, everything. even more than I liked being a changeling my voice when I was chrysalis though, didn't really change basically.. mentally starlight... voice of starlight, body of chrysalis except I noticed that my mental voice changed to Trixie when I became her. I also noticed how I love being called Trixie.. I don't really know honestly, I want to say I want to stay as Trixie because I love the way I feel, but ive been thinking that maybe I feel this way, because Trixie naturally loves herself.. either way.. I have been Trixie currently, and loving being called Trixie... and whatnot... I still feel... starlight, not so much chrysalis anymore, but more... Trixie. im trying not to make a final decision about staying as Trix, mostly due to what I said earlier about how I might feel this way because she naturally thinks highly of herself... and that I don't feel... as "connected"? to Trix? if that makes sense? I still feel really close to starlight, and how that's me, but... yeah (I don't want to repeat myself)


    anywho... I actually am starting the hrt appointment/assessment thingy process! ...im... not on HRT.. yet anyway, but im working towards it! I have my second appointment out of 4 in two days, but I have not told my parents about this yet. my therapist says that I should, and highly recommends I do, so they know instead of knowing later on... since... I was told that the 4th appointment I need to bring parents in so they can talk about it. so far... I told my brother about it... and he didn't react to it all that well.. so im really nervous about telling them... I don't want to tell my mom at all about it, because shes 100% against LGBTQ things.. and my dad is probably the only pony in my family who might actually take it well... but he might still have mixed reactions.. or freak out or something.. I don't know exactly what to do about it.

    I haven't listened to any hypnosis files... except the spa file lately.. I guess im just waiting for when a starlight file gets made or something. mostly because I feel like a starlight file will help with visualizing my form a lot better


    that's it for now I guess sorry if I repeat myself or talk about weird stuff on my journals.. I try to just post whatever im feeling down... and sometimes I get off topic or start to have like... a mind dump or whatnot


    Writing from under the stars,

    ~Starlight Glimmer/Trixie Lulamoon


  7. Workshops have started up again, which is a nice change I am excited, because I feel I have learned and can do a lot and I am very blessed to have everything I have, it's made huge changes in my life, flipped everything on it's side.  It's all the more exciting to learn something new.  The princesses once again were doing energy work during meditation, and I got it to work again, although last time we shaped this energy, this time it was just seeing if we could all get it started and going, the turn out was huge and I am glad that a few others got it to work as well.

    How do I describe it, it was a meditation, and I could feel like a tennis ball sized ball of energy moving back and forth through my arms, maybe about as fast as a mouse runs...  I have been trying to recreate it since the workshop, but I can't do it, there is something I am missing. This next workshop we will try it again.  I am sure I can figure it out, I have figured out most things, it just needs commitment, the more practice I get the better.

    I really want to get back into journal writing, I have been a bad pony.  I need to stop worrying so much about the perfect entry and just do it.  There really is no excuse.

    Things have been hard this winter, but I feel like I am better equipped now to deal with it.  This may be one of the hardest winters yet and I dunno if I would have survived it a year ago, but I am doing better now.  I believe in myself, whatever happens I will figure it out and get through it somehow.  No matter how cold it gets, how little food, money, sleep or time, or whatever breaks or who stabs me from behind.  I can survive it all now, I can see the end of this 33 year winter, spring is coming, it must inevitably come.

    I have been experimenting with a new technique based on what I have learned healing my damaged mind, I have helped a lot of ponies with my experimental happiness imposition, however there are some resistant to it and I am learning that I need to be careful.  Although I have helped suicidal and self harm ponies.  I may have to face the reality that I am too hopeful and ambitious, that it might not work with everyone or I lack the knowledge to make it work.

  8. Nyteshado
    Latest Entry

    I cant remember if I mentioned this or not, however, I have added the flutter and Celestia ASMR files to my nightly programming regimen. Fluttershy to help me get to sleep(although I would like to add a bit of something to it) and Celestia to help with the Ponification process. Well there is more to it than that but its hard to explain. I've been able to feel my wings quite clearly and during my trip into work today I considered flying in when I hit a traffic jam. I had to remind myself I cant fly and it would be a bad idea to leave the car in traffic like that. I can feel my horn relatively well as well. Soon I think I will add 'Spark of Magic' to the routine. In the near future I plan on going through all the hypno files I am listening to and pick out key points to build a Alicorn subliminal affirmation file with. The affirmation file should easily replace the hypno files and cut the length of the session down considerably. That way it will repeat more frequently and I should gain more benefit from it.

    I've also seriously considered adding Daring Doo to the list. I am not exactly sure why other than I feel like I am being pulled in that direction. I may have to edit the file in some way so I don't have issues with gender identity. For now I wont know until I listen to the new file and see how it affects me. A lot of it will be how my mind interprets the information as well. Second guessing myself has been quite the task.

    As I sit back and watch these creatures I cant help but wonder. Would this/could this possibly be a home for me? Would I ever fit in? Would I ever be accepted? I'm not of their kind so I seriously doubt it. So for now, I will stay in the shadows and just watch and learn.

  9. Well, we all have to start somewhere right?

    The name is Nuclear (not my IRL name obviously) and I'm about to start what could be an interesting journey of either possible self-improvement, possible amusement or a complete waste of time (though hopefully something does happen from all of this).

    I suppose the best place to start would be to say a few things about myself and possibly why I decided to give this a shot. 21 years of age, not really motivated in life, socially awkward, self-esteem not too great... oh yeah, and battling on-and-off depression and anxiety since I was about 13 or 14. 

    Yeah, typical sob story tripe. Sorry to disappoint those of you who were expecting some sort of witty and interesting background from me.

    One thing that got me interested in the whole hypnosis thing however was this one session I had with a therapist when I was 17 when my mental state was at an all time low: he described it as a minor form of hypnosis. What it basically involved was some sort of eye-following-fingers technique which involved me trying to visualise all my insecurities and and negative feelings into a ball of light and projecting it onto the guy's fingers as my eyes followed his fingers about the room. This ball of negativity would then be metaphorically thrown out the window.

    I know it sounds pretty abstract and I'm probably not doing a great job of describing it, but in a weird way it did sort of work: I was feeling a lot better about my insecurities at that time after that session.

    And seeing how I happen to be a brony and I did have an interest in hypnosis, it's rather convenient that I recently came across this community. I don't really have anything to lose, so might as well give this whole thing a shot, right?

    After careful consideration, I decided to give the Rarity files a go for a few reasons. Firstly she is a character who has a lot of pride and self-confidence - something I'm not -, socially confident - something I'm not - but not quite as overbearing as I personally think Pinkie Pie can be sometimes, hardworking and ambitious - something which I'm not at the moment... do you see where I'm going with this?

    In short, Rarity has a lot of the characteristics that I want in myself but am quite seriously lacking at the moment. So after going through the traits of some of the other characters, I came to the conclusion that Rarity is basically the bundle of all the things I want to improve about myself.


    I have been testing out some of the files already and I've come to the conclusion that to try and get best results I should make myself go through two sessions each day: the V2 file during the daytime and then the V3 file during the nighttime before sleeping. Of course I might change things around depending on how things go and what developments (if any) may happen but that is the basic formula of what I'm going to try and do. Whether or not this all works out, I don't know. Either way, should hopefully make for some decent entertainment for all anyway.

    So, this is how my journey begins. See you all on the other side I guess.

    Until next time,

    - Nuclear 1250

  10. What's it like being other ponies? I'm going to find out. I plan to go through each file (except Shining Armor) and see what happens. Perhaps not the best idea due to the risk of EKP, but I believe I've taken enough precautions to minimize that risk, so, here we go...

  11. Sooooo after a long time a new entry...... i was a bit lazy with my journal but *shrugs*
    So i stopped listening to files since christmas cause it was a busy time with family and such that was a bit distracting and time consuming so i couldn't listen to any file.
    After christmas there was Sylvester that i spend by friends. I didn't managed to listen to a file till a few minutes ago and i plan to listen to them on a daily basis again.
    It was relaxing as always and i had short after the file the strongest hoof lock ever sadly it only lasted 1 or 2 minutes but hey its better than nothing :cheer:

  12. Sunbeam
    Latest Entry

    Well, here we are. I really didn't know if I'd still be alive, but it's 2018 and I suppose I"m still around. What this ends up meaning... who knows. One day at a time, one hoof in front of the other. It's about the only way I can handle it right now.

    Here's hoping that 2018 is better than 2017... it isn't exactly a high bar, so 

    -Sunbeam (And me! Don't worry, we'll have a real update in a day or two)

    • 1
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    Recent Entries

    going through all of my old posts... my tears are flowing like waterfalls... I miss these old days...

    Hey everypony! So I decided to revive my Rainbow dash journal now, just before I start posting here.. I lost over half of my total journal entries when hypnoponies.net died. since that was about... one and a half years of history? I think? gone from that site. anyways, im just going to get right into it, backround story to these first two posts is that prior to me starting the rainbow dash files, I had to reset, since I was a pinkie pie. something went wrong and I freaked out... pretty badly. most ponies talked about how it could have been how the pinkie pie file had no de trigger, or something similar to that.... ever since that I... got reoccurring nightmares, until it started to become real... etc etc... I explained a little bit of the nightmares becoming real thing in my main journal Here . around a week later or so my pinkie tulpa formed. anyway yeah!


    Somepony ANYPONY! Make it STOP!

     by KrazyDashie on Wed Jul 24, 2013 4:58 am


    So let me say this.. IM FREAKING OUT! I just finished doin the reset twice. And i was talking to dashe on skype and stuff, then i felt somepony was watching me. And i heard a buzz saying "come" then. After. I decided to get some sleep. Right when my head hit my pillow i felt almost full pinkie. But. I felt somepony was aprocing me with a nife. One thing to do: kill pinkie. Now i cant stop looking behind me. I cant sleep. I cant do NOTHIN!!! Just somepony HALP!!!!!!!' Im hearing screams. Taps on my window. WHAT IN ALL OF EQUESTRIA IS HAPPENING!!!!????

    Freaking the hay out,
    -krazy dash


    This is the IRC chat log that shows what happened that night http://pastebin.com/fcT8YA0W


     So, experiencing EKP i guess

     by KrazyDashie on Wed Jul 24, 2013 7:07 am

    Hai everpony.

    Let me just start off by saying srry about freaking the hay out a while ago. And yah.

    So, it turns out a randomly got a EKP (dashe isnt 100% sure tho) after my reset. So wat happend was that the first reset i was ok. I just felt awkward, so i did it a second time, which felt better. And, then i decided to sleep for a bif. Which, came the stuff that freaked me out like crazy. So i hit thr pillow. I became alnost full pinkie layin there. On my blanket i felt a pony walking. Which scared me. Then, i started to hear noises. Like twice i heard a buzzing saying words. One was "come" and the other was a muffled hello.

    Yah, i rushed to my parents room after that and now i just hav a head ache. (Cuz in the only pony in my room ;-; )

    EDIT: so, im calmed down and everything. but I lost all my pony body ;-; (I don't like the feeling of being human... it doesn't feel right :/)

    Still a little frightened,
    -krazy dash



  13. Twilight Pie/Sweetie Belle
    Latest Entry

    well today was weird,i felt like twilight Sparkle and i am twilight Sparkle or twilight pie,but i felt like a pony for about 3 hours,i wasn't a pony of course but i felt good,like me,i don't know how to explain it.well anyways I haven't been doing hypnosis lately,or at all to tell you the truth,oh and i had a failed appointment today and Sweetie Belle is good..and a Alicorn for some reason.and i remembered more about my past life as twilight.


    by twilight pie and Sweetie Belle.

  14. My transition has been going, for the most part, smoothly. I'll bullet point the things I've noticed so far!

    -Skin: My skin is softer but dryer, and has been slowly getting softer over time, but I know it'll take a long while. I scratch far more easily. Men's clothing irritates my skin and my skin is more sensitive in general.

    -Chest: A bit more sensitive, that's all really. I didn't expect much and haven't gotten much yet.

    -Body Hair: My arm hair seems like it's taking a little longer to grow back, but I never really measured something as little as that to begin with.

    -Libido: Desires of lewdness seem to be getting replaced by ones of cuddling. Still have them to a degree, but it's nothing like before. It's almost gone.

    -Mental: I crave cuddles, my moods cycle a bit more and I get more emotional than I used to. Sentimental things mean a bit more to me than they did pre-HRT.

    -Other: Physical strength seems like it might be starting to diminish. Less energy. My tastes have changed - I actually like ketchup now when I highly disliked it before(I need to see what else changes in that regard later).

    When my hormones are approaching the next dosage time, I generally feel rather....meh. Low energy and low motivation. Drained. Not cranky or overly moody, just drained. Someone told me my face looks a little rounder...don't know if that was me gaining weight(can't check at the moment) or something to do with hormones. Shaving my face hurts, I need smoother razors.

  15. Dear Equestrian Souls,

      As I write this, do note that I'm something of an emotional wreck today, cycling between sadness and anger. I'm temperamental. Though, that's likely the HRT.

    I started working on Wednesday, and today is my first day off since. Work isn't too bad, though my fingers are slightly pained and I have a fair number of scratches and scuffs. At least I'll soon have money in my hooves.

    There's been no hypnosis or tulpa progress. Spike has been inactive and Star has been less active than usual. Spike's still there, but he's just...not doing anything. He doesn't need to protect me at the moment, cook for me, or clean for me, so I suppose he just isn't going to be around. He's a little odd like that. Just here to help and support me, and not much else. Hypnosis, I haven't touched. Too much going on and my mind is a bit of a mess from hormones. I should probably wait to stabilize.


             Your Friend, Twilight Sparkle

  16. One again I have no results. Is it normal for hypnosis to not work on some people? Or am I not doing it right? I want to be a pony I just don't see how it will work

  17. Quick Catch-up

         Well, It honestly has been quite sometime since we've made an update on how our path has gone. Quite frankly things have been better but the past few months leading up to the last few weeks have been turmoil for me. Things at home have not been the best and as many of you know I've moved away from my last living situation. All the drama over the summer has made me a bit cold and hard, But in the end I am still me, Luna. Though the cold and hardness of which I have picked up has bothered me so, I isolate myself from all, I do not speak as I used to, Stating it out loud this journal is to state what I feel on regards to this cold and hardness I have felt, Really I have seen many around me come and fall, I've seen those I've considered to be friends betray me.

        The softness that I once held close and apart of who I am has left, Only being able to really express it it with Dawnstar and a few close to me. Helping and guiding others is something I use to enjoy doing but my mind has grown paranoid, When attempting to help another all I see is manipulation when they might often need help so my views and morals have changed. I just wish to return to what I feel I once was, Though then again others still see me as I once was. So really it is just the amount of introspection I do on daily, Being trapped with my thoughts that make me feel such things.


        A few days ago we released the file for sleep and dream, I had a fun time working on it with Celestia, Really it was just me dictating things >.>Though the voicing process was swell with this new Blue Snowball that I was sold by Celly. I expect to do more in the near future, For example Guided Meditation, Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, and even a Cheerile. Though I would have to admit at times I do procrastinate quite a bit, Such is the though patterns of one like myself. I've not personally done much hypnosis as of late though I feel I shall start on it again soon, Besides the few personal sessions I receive from those close to me I do not do much.


        Progress has been well with Vesper, We've switched out a few times in the past few weeks. It has been refreshing to see how they interact with the others on the chat room and are very much so more active then myself. She also enjoys speaking with those on this site as really... Those are the only few she gets to speak with.


    If there has been one thing I've excelled in these past few months is imposition, I have been able to see myself clearly if I simply stop and look. My mane is as it is, Tail always behind me, Wings placed firmly on my back, Horn on my crown, fur placed around my body, muzzle, ears, and all. It has been a long road to get to this point, My host started it nearly 3-4 years ago though now we are able to feel what we wish when we wish. Which really is a task and goal many here struggle with achieving . I mostly listened to the PBR file which helped me immensely along with something I call body checks, Just training my mind for these extra limbs. I cannot even forget to mention my sister whom often reminds me to do so! 


        I could sit here an list issues after issue but in the end I must be accountable for the emotions I have, As I subject myself to them. In a way almost like having a tantabus. Moving forward I plan to open up to those around me and try to interact with those in the community (((Instead of just the mod room))) so that I may earn my spark back, So that I can fulfill myself in a way that is most pleasant bringing me back before the summer where everything was simply wonderful. Listening to the files and doing a few meditation sessions a day will surely shine the darkness that looms around me away. Things have progressively been getting better and things are looking up for us, In the end we will get to where we need to go.

    -Princess Luna

  18. So, here we are again, another update, and this one is less about progress, although there's some to talk about, but today's update is going to consist of a kind of challenge, which leads on to some future plans we've made. But this time around it's going to be a bit different, after this I'm giving Nibbles the reigns on the rest of this post, so I've been Amy, signing off early on this one.

    {So, Amy and I have decided that we are going to start switching/possessing more, specifically for now to allow me to communicate more often.}

    {On a similar note Amy has found that she has a problem of filtering what she, and through that also me, we're hoping that by allowing me to use possession to type it may help to hold her back from doing that, although we've agreed that we should and will accept advice from anyone who would be willing to contribute would be appreciated.}

    {Amy seems to have forgotten that she was supposed to mention something, in fact the title makes reference to it, but she wanted us to also mention that we are hoping that this practice will help our parallel processing, although as i said before, any advice would be appreciated.}

    {Thank You!}

  19. Hey there! Lot's been happening for me so may as well get to business!

    Hypnosis has been going pretty good lately, I've been having much better luck than I used to. Dreams are filled with pony form occasionally a bit more often, which is definitely interesting, and I've been able to hold the feeling of ears for a decently long time, even throughout working. Tail and Wings have some more work to do however, same with horn. One day though!

    I haven't been writing down dreams lately, so I don't have anything to say in that regard, sadly. Though nothing much of interest anyways.

    I've decided to step back from working with Destiny, I'm just not ready yet and can't put in the appropriate amount of effort. I'll still try at passive forcing, but I have yet to find fruit on my tree. This isn't the end, just an intermission. hopefully

    Otherwise, works been a bit wavy for me lately, with a few months of little work, meaning not as much money. I'm still pretty much financially stable, but not by much thank goodness I live with family that support me monetarily. I've decided to look into other ways of making money to help with my current savings project, and to start I'm going back to something I started on about a year or two ago. I've been selling a single design on Red Bubble for a while now which has been generating a small amount of money (average of $1 per month, sometimes up to $15). I've decided to work on putting up more designs there, so hopefully that goes well! If anyone has suggestions for possible designs, by all means hit me up with them, I'd really appreciate it! I'm no artist but I'm learning my ways through graphic design. I might post a link to my Red Bubble page here or on my profile at some point.

    Either way, that's all I've got for today, so I hope you all have a wonderful time, and for now, I'll leave you with some club music ^-^

  20. I returned to the Discord server a few days ago. Mostly because I figured I'd get the verification thing out of the way, but in the end decided to stick around. Still won't be around to talk extensively, however.

    I've also been trying to connect back with family. Despite not all of them fully supporting me and my life choices, I would feel miserable without them. I'm hoping that by at least sticking around and showing that I still exist and I'm happy where my life is heading they will change their minds. 

    Been trying out programming more as of late. Discovered some APIs like SDL and SFML which has sparked my creative programming senses again. Hopefully I'll have more time to explore with these.



    Bright Star

  21. Penny_Shavings109
    Latest Entry

    August 25th, 2013

    Hey guys,

    Last night, I used the Visit Equestria file for the first time. I dreamed I lived in Ponyville, everything was so peaceful. Then I remembered I needed to get groceries for my roommate so we could have diner that night. It was really noise and I got lost in the crowd too quickly, everything felt like a nightmare. Then I was helped up and pulled out. That was the first time I met mom. Ruby with no last name, helped me to safety. I assumed her last name is Shavings like mine, and she was so kind. If you looked into her eyes, you could see fire and anger like the burning of a thousand suns. Behind all of it was a deep sort of kindness that just made me feel like family to her. Her coat color is a few shades lighter than mine and her mane is the same brown. She even had glasses like me, an almost mirror image. She asked me if I was okay, waving her hoof in my face since I'd spaced out for a moment.

    I thanked her and she thanked me. I didn't know why she thanked me, but she said it was nice to finally meet me. I had no idea she was my mom until she told me outside of the dream. But I got back to my house with the groceries and ate diner. My roommate is sort of like how I envisioned my dad if he was a pony like me. Strange coincidence I guess. I actually woke up when I fell asleep in the dream. So maybe I'm dreaming while typing this, who knows.


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    So I tried listening to the Applejack files again, this time after looping a trancing/susceptibility file for an hour or two. The results are... interesting. No imposition that lasted past the end of the file,  visual or tactile, and I don't think my mental processes are going differently. But my immediate mental image of how my head looks has been replaced by how Applejack's head looks. I can still remember how I actually look, and looking in a mirror still shows my actual face, but my first thought when I reach for an image of my head is now "Applejack's head".

    Only time will tell if this will last until the morning.

  22. I try to stay upbeat and happy. I often times do, being optimistic and joyful and finding the bright side of now and the brighter side of the future. But, when I sit down, and I think to myself, away from prying eyes and judging hearts, I find very different thoughts.

    I find that life, all life, is completely meaningless. I find that I am not one of the mere handfuls of people across human history that have made an impact on the world, and one that would last throughout the ages. I find that even those small handfuls have no claims to greatness themselves, their achievements having been diluted and changed and destroyed, until only their name remains of them. Moral standing and valor only benefit those you know now, and will be forgotten before the generation is over. Every single thing a single human is capable of doing is worthless in the grand design, and with so many of us there is no loss if you die or destroy yourself.


    I find that there can never be peace for the individual. There is always a discrepancy between and two; that is the definition of being different. While many are similar, there is no identical person, and those you love are often even more estranged from who you are. Fights and debates must happen then, and while one can strive to avoid them that is all that can be done. Avoidance, running from issues instead of addressing them. So, there is always tension, and there can never be a resolution unless the two are made one, and in that moment there is no longer a relationship.


    I find that all actions are self serving. Nobody does something without a reason, and even love - even our most selfless emotion - is driven by desires for ourselves. We do things because they make us feel good, or because they satisfy our moral checklists, or because they fulfill our own definitions of what a good life is like or has. If they hurt us, we would not do them voluntarily, we would have to be pushed or forced to.


    These are the thoughts I never say, the ones I have but did not realize...I suppose it makes sense in some twisted way. The only way to be happy is to become an enemy of sadness, and what better way to fight sadness then to deny its existence to yourself? 


    I hurt. I feel alone and insignificant and apathetic. I feel like I've lost the light, this candle of joy that I held onto so dearly, and I'm seeing the marks on my hands from that so clearly right now.

  23. Haven't really decided what to put on the blog yet so I figured I'd show all you ponies some pictures!

    This Halloween your Number one assistant has ditched his dragon costume (It was awesome and you know it!) for a...darker costume. This Halloween I'm going as Darth Revan from Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic. 

    I wonder what everypony else is going as? I'd love to hear about it!






    Overall I think this is the best costume I've ever done!



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