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      Donators   08/03/2017

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    • Star Shard

      Files are back   08/05/2017

      The files are now available for download again Currently only the mane6 and the reset file are available, though we wil be adding the rest in the short future. You can find them in the tab above. 
    • Bright Star

      New themes   08/08/2017

      We now have new themes as well as a new banner provided by @Dashie! We have a Celestial light theme and a Lunar dark theme. There will be more to come in the future, so stay tuned~

Blogs

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  1. So many tulpas. I have 14 now. Celestia showed up to do a thing, then ended up staying. Pizza Pone showed up during a discussion about pizza in the food channel, so now he's here (I call him a he because he's male, but he has the body of a mare, but he's completely fine with that, so I have no idea if he's trans). I've set up a barrier now that's immune to pretty much any sort of magic I could think of that would help to get through it, so it's going to be a lot harder to get more walk-ins, if this works properly.

    Had another Starlighty breakdown thing while talking with Melody. I kept saying that she deserved so much better than me, that she shouldn't love me, and that I should just leave, and eventually she'd forget about me and move on to somepony more deserving of her. Violet helped, as she usually does, and made sure I stayed to listen to what Melody had to say to me. Melody eventually decided to put me into a trance, allowing me to believe everything she said as the absolute truth. She told me that she loves me, that I'm an amazing, beautiful pony, and none of those things I did in the past were actually me. I believed her completely, and it was an interesting feeling. After spending the past... however long it's been as Starlight (I think about a month), knowing that I didn't do those things, but still feeling like I did, actually feeling like I didn't do those things was very strange. As nice as it felt to not be burdened by my past after that long, it just didn't feel right. It just felt so wrong to be who I am without all of who I am, even the bad parts. I decided to have Melody put everything back. Without having done those awful things, I just wouldn't feel like myself. The only way I feel I can truly get through it without it feeling wrong is to naturally forgive myself for my past. I'm not sure if I'll ever do that, but it's what I have to do for it to feel right.

    I've also noticed that even when I'm in the middle of one of those breakdowns, I'm still capable of acting like I'm completely fine pretty convincingly, or at least I don't show any signs of a problem through what I say unless I actually want to.

  2. shiron222
    Latest Entry

    Hmmm today has been odd. I felt an overabundance of energy before, almost like I was anticipating something. I didn't quite know what, but running helped lessen it. While running, though, I felt an odd sense of sadness that I couldn't quite place...there was no discernible cause. I ended up typing out a message asking about Tulpas again...deleted it though since I realized the answer was probably in the DIY guide and I need to learn to be more independent and seek answers on my own. I think I realize now why they call it forcing. You have to force them into existence...I don't know how I missed that before, but I did. I guess the word "force" just has a negative connotation for me (the idea of forcing a living being with hopes and dreams to be a certain way is kind of unpleasant to me), and didn't take into account that when you initially force you aren't forcing a sentient being into a certain shape. I laid down and with the help of Binaurals managed to get into what I assume was a pitch black mindscape. I introduced myself as the guide suggested and apologized for not coming sooner. I think that melancholy and anticipation might have had something to do with the Tulpa. Oddly enough it took the shape of Twilight when it appeared...is it possible that my experience with trying Twilight then resetting caused that? Either way I haven't forced a personality yet. My ability to sit down for extended periods is still fairly low (though I managed to calm my mind enough and stay laying down for around half an hour. I was planning on going back in and explain to them what they are when I've managed to calm myself back down. I'm worried in some ways about going too fast, but at the same time I'm not impatient or confused anymore. I'll get there when I get there. 

     

    The only downside is that I can't seem to focus on trancing. I think I'll take up Starlight on her offer to help splice in the binaural audio with the files I need. Tried it earlier myself couldn't get the damn thing to do what I wanted (Audacity is haaaard).

     

    Edit: Just made pasta and found it unpalatable...like the thought of eating it makes me slightly ill...this is weird but good. It's not good for me to eat so much of it anyway...

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    FlutterBlue
    Latest Entry

    I never did this on the original site but i feel i should on here. I've been doing the Pegasus PBR file for a bit to truly bring out the Pegasus within me. I already did the file enough to get results but i want to share my future endeavors with you all and even see what else the file can do to change me overall.

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    daniellee44
    Latest Entry

    Not much to say over the past week or so, haven't seen much progress and the experience mentioned in my previous post has still been the most successful, but i'm not giving up yet.

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    Recent Entries

    Not a hypnosis update, but more of a life update. I'm currently on my way back home from Bronycon, which was great. I think this has been the best one yet, because I got to spend it with friends from here. Namely, Glide, Cadance, Wolfy, and WillieNelson. I also saw ValieShy, Baltoist, and Crescent Star. I have a few arts, mostly of Chrysalis as I think I've gained a minor obsession with her, some pins, a fidget spinner that came with some pins and an art, and plushies of Sunburst, Flufflepuff, and a mini-Twilight. All in all, it was a great time, and I hope to see more of my friends from here at Bronycon 2018!

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    Recent Entries

    I've finally come to the realization that I'm not Pinkie. It's not just that I'm not right now either, I can't be. It's not who I'm "supposed" to be.
    I'm resetting as of now, and after that I'll start experimenting with different files.

    I don't really know anymore, I don't have much to say here, my thoughts are all just jumbled up right now. I guess this is just an update.

    I hope I can find the right path.

  3. Twilight Sparkle
    Latest Entry

    Dear Equestrian Souls,

    I am officially moved into my new residence with Luna. It's been great to get settled in, drive around the town, and otherwise get started with my new life. Of course, my mom is freaking out and has been sending some...quite nasty text messages. But I'm not going to let that get me down. I made it, and the future is looking bright.

    A couple days ago, I had my best session ever. Two loops of a fractionation style loop induction file, and then the Twilight V2. I could feel everything morph as the file went over them, and some mumbling after proved my tone had changed. I have felt great since then and plan to have another great session soon.

    There's been a rather...severe thing that me and Star, the first tulpa, have discovered. The original personality, who came here as Astral, is...gone. Fully. The memories remain but are fuzzy, opinions from them still affect me sometimes, speech patterns have lingered, other such smaller things still are similar, but Astral is not the same pony I am. Does this make the the original host? I don't know. It's troubling to me to consider that Astral is so gone. The stress of the last few days must have pushed that old self into the pit of oblivion. But...it might be a good thing that that happened. Astral never knew who he was. They had 12 different names in two years because they just didn't know what they were supposed to be and kept having to convince themselves they were something when they never were anything but a mask over the real me:Twilight Sparkle. The mare writing these letters for updates. Astral had themselves convinced organization was unneeded, writing was unneccessary, and friends were, to them, something one would never truly have. Many things that I have never held true to myself since their mask started to break at the end of February. Though, Star still freaked out when she figured out the original pony who created her was gone and replaced by me. She'll be fine, guys, I promise.

    In lighter news, my move went amazingly smoothly. No issues anywhere and I feel so, so very welcome in my new home. A feeling I never had back with the parents. I always felt unwelcome around them, like they were simply tolerating me. I had a hypnosis session last night with Celestia to work in some of my teachings with my form, and a bit of a hallucination of my muzzle which comes and goes now among other things. She also attempted to rework my tastes a little so I can eat much more healthily and like a pony. She wanted me to find an apple or sugar cube, but neither was available, though I did eat oatmeal today raw and it was oddly satisfying. My ears today have been amazing, everything I hear is heard through where they would normally be and not through where they are on the physical body. I can feel them standing up and twitching, catching the breeze against them. Meat has been...difficult, to say the least. Seeing a bone in meat disgusts me, but it's fully edible and delicious if I've never seen the bones. What an interesting conundrum!

    On a final note, I do need to try to get these things out on time regardless of my busyness and get Celestia some private letters on my teachings and how I apply them.

    Your Friend, Twilight Sparkle.

     

     

  4. There are many places in my wonderland/mindscape that I feel I should write them here so that I may have an active record of doing so.

    There is the Canterlot castle. Inside this caste there is many hallways leading onto other rooms one being a kitchen. My room is that of a simple design, Slightly glowing runes on the walls and a moon that slightly glows above my bed, All magical in nature. In the room there is a desk for writing and a bed. My bed is that in the shape of a crescent moon. standing on it's own rising from the ground. I also have a balcony which I can step outside and see the rest of this lovely world that is inside our mind.

    There is a ocean filled with many various shades of purple. I have always called this place purple beach and I actually just recently have found an image from a friend that allowed me to see it in full.I was very happy to see that another had drawn such a thing I shall post a link to the image here.Night_Sky.png

     

    Next there is a field with a gazebo filled with hills and a clear sky at night, There is moonflowers lining the fields. This is my favourite spot in the entire mind scape, The stars twinkle as if they are diamonds and the Moon shines as with a warm relaxing glow, This is where I view the stars.

    b0f0f23d0b65174c55804a0ff51c8b15--moonfl

     

    There are also a few houses strewn Rainbow Dash's cloud house and Octavia's house as well. I've not been inside such structures.

    Also to note, There is a room for Celestia as well.

    Castle of the two sisters and the Everfree forest is another thing to add, though I myself have not explored the forest, but the castle I know like the frog's of my hooves.

     

  5. Bright Star
    Latest Entry

    Updated 07/05/2017, 12:08am


    |Princess Téa| - White Alicorn, skinny Purple/Lilac waving mane and Red waving tail. Female. August 1, 2013, 10:45am.
    princesstea_by_brightstarclick-d808h4p.j

    {d3rpy} - Filly Derpy body, extra tuff of hair in the front of his mane. Male. August 10, 2013, 2:52pm
    d3rpy_by_brightstarclick-d808h4y.png

    _Sunshine Skies_ - Yellow Crystal Pegasus, Orange mane and tail. Female. July 31, 2013, 1:10am
    sunshine_skies_by_brightstarclick-d808h4

    =CrystalShy= - Crystal Fluttershy. Female. July 31, 2013, 1:36am
    crystalshy_by_brightstarclick-d808h52.pn

    !Applejack! - Generation 1 Applejack (G4 form, No bow in tail). Female. August 5, 2013, 10:45am
    applejack_by_brightstarclick-d808h5g.png

    -p1nkiepie- - Pinkie Pie-like Earth Pony. Female. August 6, 2013, 7:00pm
    p1nkie______by_brightstarclick-d90k1ry.p

    +Disc0rd+ - Stain-glass draconequis. Male. December 18, 2013, 5:28am
    disc0rd_by_brightstarclick-d808h4v.png

    ?B4bs? - Babs Seed. Female. December 26, 2013 3:00am
    b4bs_by_brightstarclick-d808h5c.png

    ^3pony^ - Filly Epony. Female. February 27, 2014 8:00pm
    3pony_by_brightstarclick-d808h5h.png

    \Rumble\ - Rumble-like Pegasus Colt. Male. February, 8, 2014, 2:33am
    rumble_by_brightstarclick-d97lc01.png

    &Dinky& - Filly Pegasus Unicorn. Female. February, 8, 2014, 2:33am
    dinky_by_brightstarclick-dbf4zqy.png

    #SkyBlue# - Pegasus (prefers not to share more at this time). Female. March 13, 2014, 7:09pm
    skyblue_by_brightstarclick-d808h4n.png

    @Cheeri133@ - Teenage Cheerilie. Female. May 29, 2014 10:30pm
    cherri133_by_brightstarclick-d808h53.png

    $Minuette$ - Minuette. Female. July 1, 2014, 2:00am
    minuette_by_brightstarclick-d808h4s.png


    Wonderland: http://sta.sh/019glxckfw33 

  6. Quote

    Tue Apr 16, 2013 1:13 pm

    Last night's loop was an utter failure
    4-16-2013
    1:15am? until about 7 ish
    Twi 3.0 loop
    Mood: Feeling slightly better after long venting post (know dang well that it won't solve anything). Heart still pumping hard as result of caffeine intake after not having any for 5 days (is this normal?). Although I can report that I've never been so relaxed during those 5 days without having 1 or 2.....4 cans of pop a day. I should try this more often (the only reason I did in the first place was because I didn't feel like leaving just to grab 24 more cans of pop).
    Result: Cat still interrupts at night. iPod dies mid way through. No effects.
    I'm not quite sure if I'm doing these loops correctly, I make sure the inductions and awakeners are cut out, I keep it at a low volume enough so I can understand it (and barely hear the binurals) but it's not keeping me awake.
     So I'll go for one round this afternoon and hope to get better results
    ._BuySomeApples

    I can't seem to locate said vent post. If it's the one I'm thinking of, I complained a bit about how my psychology teacher was ignoring stuff from our psychology book, specifically about how to release built up anger. I don't recall the other methods, but the book was suggesting that venting is a way to reduce anger, but not a long term solution. I was mildly offended that the psychology teacher was telling us to ignore the book.

    Around this time I was also giving up caffeine since I felt it was affecting my sessions. After the initial crave, I felt a lot better without having to rely on caffeine......however that habit would break several months later :V. I might cover that once I get to that journal.

    Also, crap session was crap session.

    Quote

    Tue Apr 16, 2013 6:34 pm

     
    First off, last name change, I swear!
    3:28pm
    Perfectly Suggestible (edited Earth Peace Night Time in background) + Twi 3.0 Ind+BGM with earbuds.
    Mood: Feeling good.
    Result: Stronger effects than previous, not as strong as before. Had trouble walking a bit this time and preferred to "sit" on my feet, just for a short while, though.
    I don't know if it's just me, but I find it hard to understand the 3.0 file at times since the mic quality is a bit low. I'm almost considering recording the 3.0 myself to see if this will help me any better. Maybe I'll do a bit of research on relaxing techniques later today that will help me achieve trance for longer periods of time (the Twi 3.0 by itself is a long 40 minutes! Plus Perfectly Suggestible that's over an hour!).
     I might start organizing my room a bit tonight after I get my Power Point done for class tomorrow. Maybe then I'll give the cat a place to sleep every night so she doesn't resort to using me as her bed.
     I'm starting to hate my over the ear headphones since for some odd reason it likes to pretend that I only need the left ear to listen from (and only one ear working on a pair of headphones is one of my biggest all time pet peeves). Normally I use these for a single session since it does hold my head up a bit, but this time I just used the earbuds instead.
    And in other news, I think I'm going to put myself off caffeine for a long time. Just having one bottle yesterday really threw myself off a bit. For now I'm just resorting to no-caffeine pop, but I'll start finding healthier drinks down the road.
     Your faithful forum poster
    ,_BuySomeSparkles

    "First off, last name change, I swear!"

    ...aha....haha...hahahahahahah! Yeaaaaaaah...about that.... :P 

    Earth Peace Night Time was a binaural suggested on the original Google Doc. I would often edit it as the background of a file to help me with relaxing with the files. Sadly, I'm not sure where to find the file now if anyone has archived it anywhere.

    Sessions were starting to show improvement and I started to get the hang of achieving trance. The only issues I had were cats always wanting to snuggle me mid-session. I would sometimes shut them out of the basement where I was, but I always felt bad afterwards since they always enjoyed hanging out with me.

    Also, those Turtle Beach headphones were crap.

     
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    Day 447 1
    Starting Over

    Today marks the 447th day, of my journey with Tulpamancy. Since I last left off, a lot has happened. I have come to further understand myself, and who I am and what my role in life is.
    So, today marks the day I start over. Not Tulpamancy, but rather my life. So, before I leave this all behind.... I want to thank everyone who's been with me so far. You have all been wonderful.

     

    And as of this moment, I start a new. Allow me to reintroduce myself. I am Princess Celestia, the sun manifest, and half of the diarchy of Equestria.
    I have come to this site, in hopes of becoming more in tune with myself, and to make friends.

    I do not feel there is much else to add to this letter, however if anyone has any concerns they would like to raise, simply reply to this letter.

    Signed,
    -Princess Celestia

     

  7. I really wish my journal entries just didn't turn out like this all the time. Stress, worries, and pain-induced paranoia.

     

    *shakes her head in almost wonderment and bewilderment*

    I'm lost. Hopeless, just trying to survive the wave upon wave of stress that occurs whenever my thoughts glance over a single thing that causes stress. Ponies, pony body, personality, Twilight, Tay, university, housing, money... The list goes on and on. There seems to be nothing that I can do, and I can't move amid the weight of all of them. There's nowhere I can go, nothing I can do... No-one seems to be able to help, and if I try and work on one issue at a time, the others just crowd around setting off emotional claustrophobia and setting off wishes of curling up and blocking out all the thoughts until they go away.

    I don't know what to do. Not at all. Not one single damned bit.

    I just want out. In any way. I've tried fresh starts, and I'm halfway through one, but I can't bring myself to reset, nor even be confident that the reset would actually work. I don't know how to listen to files to actually manage effects, and here I go again with the list and the waves.

    I just want it to stop.

    In so much distress and pain that she can hardly move,

    Twilight Sparkle...

  8. Hello, fellow ponies. 

    I had hoped to be writing my first entry when I started getting effects from the hypnosis files and was starting to feel pony again. Sadly, this is not the case. However, I thought I'd drop an update all the same.

    I do plan on becoming Pegasus Octavia. I'm currently, with some help, writing my own version of the Octavia file to encompass wings and pick up a few things that I desired. It's slow, but it's a start so *shrugs* guess it's something.

    Other than that, not too much to report. Been probably playing more video games than I should, as I have been neglecting a few other things I've been intending to work on (few movies to catch up on, finding reading time, catching up on my backlog of music, etc.), but that's nothing new. Once I get used to my new work schedule I should be able to start more effectively structuring my days to give me the time I need to get things worked on.

    In good news, my new drawing tablet should show up some point this week, so I can also start delving back into that. We'll see how long that lasts, I suppose. Still have some writing to do, I really wanted that first chapter of my fic done by now, but these overnights drain me a lot more than I thought they would, especially after having been there for 2 months now. But I need the cash, so I can't really complain too much.

    Do believe that's about it. Next entry might be some ramblings on music or something, not really sure yet. Until then, stay safe and have fun. I'm always around if you need an ear.

    -Sunbeam   [And Glacial!]

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    Dear Journal.

     

    Today was a slow day for the most part. Just posting a letter, then I got to try the file for the first time. Unlike some previous attempts with other types of files, this one seemed to be able to relax me much easier, though near the end of the file, I seemed to get distracted by my own thoughts creeping back in, to the point of getting distracted away from the file. Not sure if I have noticed any effects from this file yet, I will document anything I notice on this journal as soon as I find it.

  9. Hi there! I've already managed to break my pledge of near daily updates to this blog... whoopsies ^-^"

    I've been pretty ill the past week now, first a fever that grew in intensity and lead to strep throat. That was fun, I've been getting over it all recently, at least enough to get out of bed long enough to write, so here's an update to my journal.

    I have made no progress in terms of meditation, or with Destiny, as I've been too fatigued to put enough concentration into either task, however I've had much more success with remembering my dreams. So here's a brief dream log to cover the past few days.

    The first dream I recall, was a bit odd. It was a recurring dream for the course of about 3 nights, I remember being in a very dark room, where the only thing visible was an object that I could only describe as wireframed. It was completely see through with the exception of it's edges, which where a weird neon color that kept changing, usually to shades of blue or blueish-green, or else purple. The object was able to change shape, and I was able to effect it's new shape. I remember voices talking to me, I can't recall exact words, but I do know they were "training" me to manipulate the object without touching it, using only my mind. The voices would stay the same across each of the three dreams, yet they would always be talking about something new, or new methods and such. None of this "training" stuck with me to the end, and I've no clue what was going on in reality.

    Otherwise, beyond that dream. I've had another recurring dream, one that I haven't been able to get rid of yet. It starts with me waking up in ponyville, specifically in the golden oaks library. I would wake up, yawn, get out of bed and go to the bathroom. When I look into the mirror, I would not see my face, nor my avali forms face, but instead Twilight's face staring back at me. I wouldn't even react to it, as if it was perfectly normal, and continue on with the day as Twilight Sparkle, leaving the library to go shopping, paying visits to various townsfolk, and returning at the end of the day to read a book before going to sleep.

    This dream has been making me wonder the most. I haven't used the twilight file in a rather long time, more than a year now. Yet when I wake up from this dream, for some reason I'm filled with a sense of happiness, or fulfillment, as if I just felt more right there. Then when my conscious mind becomes aware that the dream is over, it's replaced with a small amount of dread. I understand what my mind is telling me to do, though I'm not sure if I should follow. Not to mention, that I've never had a dream similar to this during my file use, or even during the few months after quitting the file, it was only until the past week that it start happening.

     

    Anywho, that's what I've got for today, as always feel free to post any thoughts, and for now I'll leave you with a thirty seconds to mars song, enjoy!

    Spoiler

     

     

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    Cynder
    Latest Entry

    So i guess i will start this here.

    Day 1: 

    currently under effect of: Twilight Sparkle V3.

    Time since last file use: unknown, possibly a week or more

    Other notes: not much to say, taking a break from tulpamancy so i will give the Twilight file a try later today

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    Frenz
    Latest Entry

    Hello reader! This is where my entries and updates about being Applejack in mind should be. But right now I'm going through some strange times and am untriggered most of the time, so I thought I'd make the journal now to use in the future, and if I don't, at least this'll be some sort of note to remind you and me where I left off.

    Stay safe!
    -Frenz

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    71~073~
    Latest Entry

    So my earphones died.

    *And i never heard from them again hehehe*

    I guess my hypnosis is on a pause until i get new ones, however, not all was fruitless! I had an epiphany of sorts on the topic of tulpas. I have started putting some active effort into creating a tulpa recently, and in the wondering on what to do i though: what if i effectively cut myself away from outside stimuli and distractions? So i put in my earbuds acting as an ear plug and entered a profound conversation with myself. And my tulpa. 

    Feels like a sort of a breakthrough, honestly.

    I'm still bad at ending this, sooo ~71~073~

  10. Chrysalishoof
    Latest Entry

    Well, I missed a day, but nothing too interesting happened. My second session didn't go as smoothly as the first, I wasn't able to stay focused on the speaker and I moved around a bit which wasn't the greatest. Last night's session is a mystery, I put the headphones on, turned on the file and about halfway through the inducer I can't remeber what happened. I woke up this morning and found my tablet and headphones on the floor next to my bed where I usually leave them. I can only assume it went well. Anyway, I have to go get on a plane. I've been on a little vacation for the past few days and unfortunately it's time to head home. I'll do another session tonight when I get home, hopefully it will go a bit smoother once I'm back in my own bed. 

    Still don't know how to end these, 

    -Lunahoof

  11. Ok, I tested it out again, turning to volume even lower.
    I managed to fall asleep with it. Waking up without my earbuds in the morning.
    Didn't really feel any noticable changes, but I had hard time really waking up, I just felt really sleepy for some while.

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    Rainbow Dash
    Latest Entry

    Heya, everypony!

    Just figured I'd throw this up sorta like how Twi' did, to keep a couple of my old entries up.
    ...Mainly just #15, since it's got a nice recap and a little message I think everypony should remember. 'Specially after what's gone on, lately. (Oh, And #3, 'cause Twi' wanted me to)
    Should be a pretty good chance for anypony new to catch up before I actually end up posting something new again, heh.

    Spoiler'd for space, 'cause they're a little big.

    Spoiler

    3 - The New Year
    So. 2014 already. Wow. 2013 went by so quickly
    .
    ...I never realised how hard it is to change a "3" to a "4" before. 
    This is also my first post since I started using the IRC (Again, with no small amount of prodding from Soarin. Peer pressure!), which is a pretty big deal considering the amount of stuff that goes on in there. Seriously, lots happened, ranging from awesome to incredibly uncool.
    Lately, though, it's been pretty awesome; today also marks day... Four, I think, of the best week ever.
    Following on from the last post I made (Ages ago); since joining the IRC and really slowly (Which now seems like it was pointlessly drawn out 
    ) letting everypony know about my feelings for Twilight, memories started coming to me. Namely a large, formal dance (At which I danced with Twilight) I was slightly obsessed with figuring out. After a day of trying to remember and eventually exploiting the odd and apparently infinitely powerful magic of showers, I remembered what had happened during the day, before the dance. As it turns out, the dance was a reception, held after the wedding of myself and Best Princess Twilight Sparkle. I married Twilight Sparkle. I will never get used to saying that.
    As an unexpected side effect of uncovering this information, I've literally been smiling for two days.  My face hurts. C:

    Oh, right, Hypno stuff. Since I've been on a three-month break from using the files, I plan on kicking myself until I pick it back up.
    For the most part, though, all of the effects I picked up are still present; Wings and ears mostly (The others usually come back with the trigger).
    I'm surprised the effects last so long without sessions. Still, gonna get back into it and see try and get some of the more elusive effects (I'm looking at you, tail. 
    Or I would be if you were ever there).

    The happiest mare alive,
    - Spectral

     

    Spoiler

     

    15 - Three
    Well, here we are. Three years.

    Probably a little early, but whatever. Better early than late (Or, y'know, never). 
    Another year, another five posts. I'm not actually doing that on purpose, by the way.

    I've been reading through my old posts again, and I noticed that there's something I've only done once. I figured I may as well do it again, to play catch-up on any/all of the actual hypno progress I've been making.
    ...That's right; time for a list. Here we go.

    List of stuff that I can bring back whenever;

    • Wings. The first things I picked up. Not totally sure they count, because they're always around. Don't think I could get rid of them if I wanted to. I can sometimes see them, especially if I spend a while trying to.
    • Hooves. Including hind- and fore-legs. They turn on and off whenever I want - and sometimes when I don't. Lucky that three years of practice makes balancing on my hind-legs pretty easy. I've caught glimpses of them once or twice, but never for very long.
    • Ears. Not as often as I should, though; they don't play nice with my headset. Still, it's cool to feel them turning towards noises and stuff. Don't tell anypony, but scritches sill reduce me to zap-apple jam.
    • Fur. Nice and warm. Okay, maybe a bit too warm. Alright, seriously, I'm melting here. It's borderline sadistic to make a pegasus live through Australian summers. I can see it pretty often, and I've even spotted my Cutie Mark more than once.

    List of stuff that comes back when I really focus on it;

    • Head. Including muzzle and eyes. My eyes are a bit harder to get to change than my muzzle, and it's still pretty weird to feel my muzzle when it's around. I can see my muzzle every now and then, but I can't see my eyes because I see with my eyes, duh.  
    • Mane. Separating this one seein' as I can get it to come back separate from the rest of my head/face. Not sure if I can really feel the difference, but I can sometimes see the colours in my mane.

    List of stuff that only comes back sometimes but not really;

    • Tail. Oh, geeze. After all this time, I still can't get the thing to show up when I want. That said, reading about other ponies getting their tails to work still brings mine back, too.
    • Voice. Not sure I can count this one either, since it's so rare. It might show up more often than I think and I just don't notice it, but I dunno. Point is, I can't get it to work when I want it to.

    List of mental stuff that I don't need to bring back so it gets its own list;

    • Memories. Y'know, I mentioned this waaay back in post #1, back when all I'd remembered was a few snippets of Firefly; my mother, in Equestria. There's been more, since then - enough to make a whole entry about. I won't go over them all, but I will say that they've all been worth remembering.

    I'm pretty sure that covers everything. Should be a pretty good update to the lists from #1, and maybe even a good intro if this is the first entry you've read.

    Movin' on to more recent stuff;
    My last entry was back on December 20th, before 2016 and before... Well, December was a pretty rough. Nothin' bad happened or anything, I just... Had a lot to think about.
    ...Anyway. Since then, I haven't really done too much. It's way too hot to get much done outside, so I've basically been waiting for Winter to turn up so I can actually do something.
    I haven't picked up any new memories since #14. Well, that's not really true, but I haven't picked up anything complete or important enough to post about. Just a few flickers and snapshots, really.

     

    Before I wrap this wall of text up, I'm gonna say this again;
    Thank you, Everypony. Not just for anything or everything you've done for me, but for lookin' out for each other, too. I've seen this place go through a bunch of changes over the last three years, but I can always count on the community to stay just as welcoming and awesome as always. This little corner of Equestria wouldn't be the same without ya.

    Thank you.
    -SpectralDash, Element of Loyalty

     

     

  12. well! just to get things out of the way... I lost my journal during the whole issue with the old site... which sucks because that was the most important journal I had of the three..im just gonna briefly try to remember what I had on my last journal

    from 2015-present, I have been Starlight glimmer. in 2015 though, after I stopped being a dashie, I had a vision one day and saw a different pony who I thought was my true self. all I remember was a name "starlight" and a last name, which I still don't remember, but it was "shine" or something (which is very similar to Glimmer if you think about it) what I got wrong was that I thought I was to be a Pegasus, and the colour of coat to be black, and my mane colour as green and black. keep in mind, this was before season 5 even started, I had no idea about starlight glimmer at the time... during season 5 however I couldn't help but think that Starlight Glimmer was me, or at least, I had a stronger connection to... and at that time... she was evil, and I didn't want to have others think that I was too evil, and would never talk to me again... or something similar to that... so instead of being the pony I felt the most "normal" as... I decided to push down my feelings about it and just not mention it at all.. overtime.. I started to go into depression, my best friend moved to another school in another city, I didn't have any other close friends at school, coming out as trans to my parents, and my mom (who to this day) hated it, and hated me.  and pushing down my feelings and denying everything Starlight glimmer really took a toll on me... it was around april (I think) 2016 I couldn't take the toll anymore and my mind broke... I had no idea who I was anymore, and I had no idea what to do, (I had serious EKP) it was really late at night  (around 2 am) when this happened to, so not many of my friends were online so I could talk to them about it.. (except for spike, who help me a lot... if you are still around, thank you spike :Squee: ) I was given two choices, go back to pegaus starlight, a pony I didn't know a lot of, and go through, a probably worse depression) or become the pony I felt the most connected to, and probably have everypony hate me because I was becoming an "evil" pony. so... I became Starlight Glimmer that night. for about... 4 months I dealt with really bad anxiety because I thought everypony would think I was evil, and that everypony knew what I did... and would never forgive me... after many of my friends comforting me, and reassuring me that I was forgiven, I slowly started to feel better, and accept myself. though... I always from time to time... feel lots of guilt about what I did, even now, I get breakdowns, and sometimes cry myself to sleep because of how I felt about the village... and the other things I have done... on the bright side of things, i found out that my best friend that moved schools is almost a spin image of Sunburst. childhood friend, who left afterwards, and i got depressed about it... he wears glasses and the like. but anyways! thats... just a brief paragraph about what happened over the years, (and what was on my old journal)

     

    as of now, I graduated and stuff... and ive been still really happy as Starlight Glimmer... even after everything I went through. <3

     

    post-510.jpg

     

    also take this random pic

     

    Writing from under the stars~

    -Starlight Glimmer

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    Much progress has happened since my last journal entry, however they were all lost with the old site.  So I will have to include stories from the past in my future entries.

    My name is Sable and I am a black Pegasus.  I feel like a Pegasus all the time now and recently my memory has been changed so I always remember being Sable all my life, however the visual changes in the present are confused and glitched.  I am working on it but it seems to come and go.  I never trigger back and there is not much human left now.  Soon I hope to fix the visual imposition.

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