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About this blog

This is not the typical journey you might see here, instead watch on as this person explores the depths of the mind through meditation, tulpa creation, and other various activities. This is the journey of a fluffy space raptor named Kazilii.

Entries in this blog


Hey there! Lot's been happening for me so may as well get to business!

Hypnosis has been going pretty good lately, I've been having much better luck than I used to. Dreams are filled with pony form occasionally a bit more often, which is definitely interesting, and I've been able to hold the feeling of ears for a decently long time, even throughout working. Tail and Wings have some more work to do however, same with horn. One day though!

I haven't been writing down dreams lately, so I don't have anything to say in that regard, sadly. Though nothing much of interest anyways.

I've decided to step back from working with Destiny, I'm just not ready yet and can't put in the appropriate amount of effort. I'll still try at passive forcing, but I have yet to find fruit on my tree. This isn't the end, just an intermission. hopefully

Otherwise, works been a bit wavy for me lately, with a few months of little work, meaning not as much money. I'm still pretty much financially stable, but not by much thank goodness I live with family that support me monetarily. I've decided to look into other ways of making money to help with my current savings project, and to start I'm going back to something I started on about a year or two ago. I've been selling a single design on Red Bubble for a while now which has been generating a small amount of money (average of $1 per month, sometimes up to $15). I've decided to work on putting up more designs there, so hopefully that goes well! If anyone has suggestions for possible designs, by all means hit me up with them, I'd really appreciate it! I'm no artist but I'm learning my ways through graphic design. I might post a link to my Red Bubble page here or on my profile at some point.

Either way, that's all I've got for today, so I hope you all have a wonderful time, and for now, I'll leave you with some club music ^-^


How's that for keeping up with the daily posts huh? How about we change that to bi weekly for now so I don't feel overwhelmed, or like I don't have enough to say.


Anyways onto business, a lot has happened since my last post. I'm back to the Twilight file, as I alluded to in my last post. Which is going well so far, I've still got the feeling of a horn, tail, and wings from the last time I did the file. I've been a bit lazy on the rest lately however, so that could use some work.

I haven't found the time to work with Destiny much recently and this is starting to make me feel rather sad honestly, I've yet to have a lot of luck in this area...

I've actually been spending a pretty large amount of my time working on sweetie bot as of late. I'd be lying if I said I've had more than a few hours break from that project ^-^" Though I am fairly proud of the progress I've made with my coding practice. I've come a long way in the short amount of time, even if I've got an even longer way to go before I can turn it into a career. I have however put my sights on game development, so I guess there will be updates on that here in the future.

Other than all of that, my life has honestly been kind of conflicting, and it's usually quite hard for me to tell how I'm truly feeling. If I have to be honest, I often times put on my best smile in this community, even when it might not reflect my true feelings. I tend to feel like if I show that I'm not quite all neutral to happy all the time, I won't do as well of a job at making others days brighter. It's kind of stupid reasoning, and I shouldn't bottle things up, but I really care about everyone here in this community, and I hate seeing you lot in turmoil.
It also doesn't entirely help that the family I'm living with currently, isn't exactly supportive of most of my actions, which doesn't brighten the mood much either. I'm hoping to leave this house behind within a year or two now, some way or another.

Well now that the slightly emotional bit is done, I've also been playing some Hat in Time! So far, I think it's genuinely my favorite game of the year, actually, of the past few years really. Great controls on top of a great art style, amazing music, and just the most ADORABLE tone ever! It also really brings me back to the mario sunshine and mario galaxy games, which are my favorite 3D platformers. If you're into those games, or 3D platformers/collectathons at all, I highly recommend checking A Hat in Time out!


Anyways, that's a decent post for now, I hope you all have a wonderful day, and for now enjoy an upbeat classic from the living tombstone:


Hi there! I've already managed to break my pledge of near daily updates to this blog... whoopsies ^-^"

I've been pretty ill the past week now, first a fever that grew in intensity and lead to strep throat. That was fun, I've been getting over it all recently, at least enough to get out of bed long enough to write, so here's an update to my journal.

I have made no progress in terms of meditation, or with Destiny, as I've been too fatigued to put enough concentration into either task, however I've had much more success with remembering my dreams. So here's a brief dream log to cover the past few days.

The first dream I recall, was a bit odd. It was a recurring dream for the course of about 3 nights, I remember being in a very dark room, where the only thing visible was an object that I could only describe as wireframed. It was completely see through with the exception of it's edges, which where a weird neon color that kept changing, usually to shades of blue or blueish-green, or else purple. The object was able to change shape, and I was able to effect it's new shape. I remember voices talking to me, I can't recall exact words, but I do know they were "training" me to manipulate the object without touching it, using only my mind. The voices would stay the same across each of the three dreams, yet they would always be talking about something new, or new methods and such. None of this "training" stuck with me to the end, and I've no clue what was going on in reality.

Otherwise, beyond that dream. I've had another recurring dream, one that I haven't been able to get rid of yet. It starts with me waking up in ponyville, specifically in the golden oaks library. I would wake up, yawn, get out of bed and go to the bathroom. When I look into the mirror, I would not see my face, nor my avali forms face, but instead Twilight's face staring back at me. I wouldn't even react to it, as if it was perfectly normal, and continue on with the day as Twilight Sparkle, leaving the library to go shopping, paying visits to various townsfolk, and returning at the end of the day to read a book before going to sleep.

This dream has been making me wonder the most. I haven't used the twilight file in a rather long time, more than a year now. Yet when I wake up from this dream, for some reason I'm filled with a sense of happiness, or fulfillment, as if I just felt more right there. Then when my conscious mind becomes aware that the dream is over, it's replaced with a small amount of dread. I understand what my mind is telling me to do, though I'm not sure if I should follow. Not to mention, that I've never had a dream similar to this during my file use, or even during the few months after quitting the file, it was only until the past week that it start happening.


Anywho, that's what I've got for today, as always feel free to post any thoughts, and for now I'll leave you with a thirty seconds to mars song, enjoy!





So for today's log I figured I'd describe my wonderland a bit. For those unaware, a wonderland is an area you create in your mind to help calm your thoughts from roaming, an area that you can visualize yourself inside of, typically used in tulpa creation. It gives an area for you and your tulpa to wander around in.

My wonderland, takes place primarily in the middle of a large field of grass, with one sole tree in the middle providing shade from the spring sun. This is where I spend most of my time, it's a very relaxing area, the winds blow softly, and you can make out the images of the slightly clouded sky. Behind the tree is a path leading down to a small two story cabin. The first floor holds a kitchen, dining room, and living room, and the second floor holds two bedrooms. One bedroom has a window in the roof, for easy viewing of the starry night sky before sleeping. When visiting my wonderland for relaxation, just to get away from the rest of the world, I'm usually under the tree watching the clouds, or in bed watching the stars.

That's all that comes to mind currently for describing it, though I know I'm missing certain details. Any who onto the status reports!

Subject, Meditation: Today's meditation was primarily focused on Destiny, so that'll be in the Tulpa log. Otherwise, it was a standard trip to wonderland, with some intent on relaxation, I was under the tree looking out into the fields in Avali form, but my form kept flickering to human. It was difficult to retain form, though the most notable change was the wings along my arms, I hadn't experienced that part quite yet, it felt a bit soothing. At some point before transitioning the session to Destiny, I lost focus over my bodies appearance and can't recall what I looked like.

Subject, Tulpa: An interesting experience happened today with Destiny, she's still not speaking often, and her form doesn't seem constant. While she normally appears as a Gardevoire, today she appeared as a human version of Twilight. Any attempts to visualize her as a Gardevoire resulted in her morphing back to the Twilight form. She did seem to have a rather honest smile though. I didn't get to interact with her much unfortunately, as I was interrupted. I'm wondering if this had anything to do with my inability to hold a stable form for myself.

Subject, Dreams: Still no dreams since the previous nightmare, it's been a few weeks now. Hopefully it won't continue that way.


That's all for now, in the mean time, enjoy a bit of an older song that I've been listening to recently. Props to the ones who know where this came from in recent media! (Hint: Can't wait for season 2!)





Hi there, and welcome to my ship! My name is Kazilii and this is a bit of a different journal.

I don't do hypnosis as much as the other ponies here, though I won't say I'll never do hypnosis here, that'll just be at a later date, instead for the time being I practice meditation to alter my physical appearance to that of an Avali *link*, similar to the effects of hypnosis, but done in the way you would create a tulpa, it's kinda like combining the best of both of them. So hopefully my actions will inspire some of those here to experiment with the way they discover themselves.

Now that the little intro segment is over with, here's a small explanation of what I'm going to be posting here. This journal will serve as a Meditation log, to log what I experience during meditation, it will also be a Tulpa log, to log my progress with Destiny, and a Dream log, as dreams are extremely important to keep track of, especially for those wishing to dig deeper into their subconscious. I'll try to analyse my own dreams the best I can, but will always be open to anyone's interpretation of what they might mean. I'm going to try my best to post daily, to keep my morale up about posting, if I have nothing to post about, I'll at the very least post the weeks activities on Fridays. That being said, I will also post whenever anything interesting happens, so I may end up posting multiple times a day.

To begin this adventure, here's my most recent status reports.

Subject, Meditation/Avali transformation: To be quite honest, I've been slacking the past few weeks, I'll be picking up starting tonight, so expect a full status report in tomorrows post. However, the last thing I was working on was imposing my ears, it has been difficult seeing as Avali have four ears, I've got the upper ears down, now I just have to work on the lower ears. I believe the upper ears were made easy by my previous experience with pony hypnosis.

Subject, Tulpa: I've been working with Destiny for a fairly long time, she's a fairly playful Gardevoir, though I'm still in the very early stages with her. It's hard to hear her voice, and usually comes out as my own, which tends to get my thoughts all mixed up, as a result I rarely hear her speak to begin with. I'm still not able to impose her onto the real world, though I can see her in my wonderland. We like to read books under a tree in the fields of grass.

Subject, Dreams: I haven't been able to recall my dreams for the past few days, the last dream I was able to remember was a bit of a nightmare, I'll write it in a spoiler.


I was resting peacefully in my bed until I suddenly woke up, for seemingly no reason, the lights were out and it was 5 AM, the only light was coming faintly from the window in my room. After my eyes opened I laid curled up on my bed staring at the closest wall, facing away from my room. Then a chill went through my spine as I flattened out and looked at the door. A shadowed figure was standing in the door way, they looked vaguely like a six foot tall man, but completely shadowed. I couldn't make out any features of their face, the only notable things being that they wore no clothing, and appeared as a solid shadow. They slowly walked towards me and I found that I couldn't move or speak. No matter how much I tried to get my throat to produce noise, it only tightened more. The more the figure walked towards me, the faster my heart beat, I wasn't able to even close my eyes during all of this. When the dark man got to me, he put his hand over my mouth and evaporated into a shadowy gas, filling my lungs fully. Immediately after that I sat up screaming. I can't honestly determine if I was dreaming or not, or if I had woken up at the point that I was screaming. If it was a dream, and I had woken up, it was a very seamless transition into reality.

Either way, memory is seamless into the rest of that day. No more to say about the dream.


Aaaand that's about it, I'm going to leave a mystery video/song at the end of each journal entry ^-^. Hope you all have a great Day/Evening!




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