So I've been untriggered for a good while (~4 months?), I... couldn't say a straight up "because", but I wanted to focus entirely on my college courses, sometimes poking around the chat on discord. I do remember a little how I behaved when triggered, and look back at it with a smile.
But on another side of that memory, I remember having other inclinations, desires, outlooks for the future... Y'know, I didn't quite like being in classes, after starting with the Applejack hypnosis on vacations, where I could walk around town, go to the beach, do what I wanted. And now I'm kinda sinking into the courses, thinking thoroughly about this semester's start.
What I had in mind for a good while was: I was into my AJ state for too long, ignoring my own, integral, unique kit of thoughts and memories that make me who I am... I'll call it a "pure self", sounds good. Well about this, I can compare it to videogame perks; my pure self was unattended for a while, and had little experience with it, while all the "farming" was done with the Hypnoself (another made up word!). **I also don't mix both mentalities very well, I can learn big lessons from thinking as AJ but most of the everyday info goes into another part of my memory, and that's important too, it shouldn't go to other places.
Well the counterintuitive part falls in when you consider, like it or not, we live in a human world and society. And humans are the better suited kind for that, duh.
Well, with enough of that beating around the bush, what I'm saying is: I'm an unbalanced individual. Yes, from here and going way back. I've learned and agree that the secret to a happy life is finding equilibrium in every aspect, but I often ignore the scales and incline heavily for something of immediate gratification.
It's kinda hypocritical, yes. For someone who claims to seek balance in everything as me, even more. But the first step to solving a problem is identifying it, I know that much. So from here on, I'll make a statement, sort of a promise... I will try to balance myself out, be more self-aware in every sense of myself, and rectify my attitude in front of life, one step at a time.
But oh where to begin... I'll have to delve into that...
On that note, I'm outta here! Take care everyone~
"Making a promise with your friends about something scary gives you the courage to do it!
And promises, even if we forget them, are still there, deep down..."
-Taken and adapted from various dialogues from Kingdom Hearts Re:CoM
** = Edit