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Finding out about oneself through honesty above everything (hopefully)

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Hey everyone! Thought I'd post a small update here, since it's been a while.

Well y'all know that I'm mostly in the discord, as is most of the community at this point. But the forums are here too so I poked in too~

Now what's happened? I've not done a file in months, and I've no class because of an inside protest in my uni, so things are pretty stagnant. Well, about what I've experienced: Some feeling of not belonging, being out of place in this part of the world that I got to live in... but I can't pinpoint where I want to go, much like the feeling of homesickness that the files sometimes bring, but nowhere to call home.

I preserve my figure, considering I always walk down a hill and up another to visit my grandma these days, my uncle pointed out how slim I was and it made me feel kinda proud. And now I'm gonna start going to the uni's football field to do some workouts again! I did one today and kinda felt pony ears while jogging, it was neat.

So yeah, as short as that was, it's just an update so you know I'm still kicking :P. Take it easy, later y'all~



Human thoughts


So I've been untriggered for a good while (~4 months?), I... couldn't say a straight up "because", but I wanted to focus entirely on my college courses, sometimes poking around the chat on discord. I do remember a little how I behaved when triggered, and look back at it with a smile.

But on another side of that memory, I remember having other inclinations, desires, outlooks for the future... Y'know, I didn't quite like being in classes, after starting with the Applejack hypnosis on vacations, where I could walk around town, go to the beach, do what I wanted. And now I'm kinda sinking into the courses, thinking thoroughly about this semester's start.

What I had in mind for a good while was: I was into my AJ state for too long, ignoring my own, integral, unique kit of thoughts and memories that make me who I am... I'll call it a "pure self", sounds good. Well about this, I can compare it to videogame perks; my pure self was unattended for a while, and had little experience with it, while all the "farming" was done with the Hypnoself (another made up word!). **I also don't mix both mentalities very well, I can learn big lessons from thinking as AJ but most of the everyday info goes into another part of my memory, and that's important too, it shouldn't go to other places.

Well the counterintuitive part falls in when you consider, like it or not, we live in a human world and society. And humans are the better suited kind for that, duh.

Well, with enough of that beating around the bush, what I'm saying is: I'm an unbalanced individual. Yes, from here and going way back. I've learned and agree that the secret to a happy life is finding equilibrium in every aspect, but I often ignore the scales and incline heavily for something of immediate gratification.

It's kinda hypocritical, yes. For someone who claims to seek balance in everything as me, even more. But the first step to solving a problem is identifying it, I know that much. So from here on, I'll make a statement, sort of a promise... I will try to balance myself out, be more self-aware in every sense of myself, and rectify my attitude in front of life, one step at a time.

But oh where to begin... I'll have to delve into that...

On that note, I'm outta here! Take care everyone~

"Making a promise with your friends about something scary gives you the courage to do it!
And promises, even if we forget them, are still there, deep down..."

-Taken and adapted from various dialogues from Kingdom Hearts Re:CoM

** = Edit



Hello reader! This is where my entries and updates about being Applejack in mind should be. But right now I'm going through some strange times and am untriggered most of the time, so I thought I'd make the journal now to use in the future, and if I don't, at least this'll be some sort of note to remind you and me where I left off.

Stay safe!

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