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Week 1

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I was meaning to post on yesterday, but I was playing Skyrim VR all day. >.< I suppose I should start with the effects I've felt over the week.

It's gotten normal for my hands to go numb (and difficult to move my fingers unless I "switch" out of my hooves) in the hypnosis files, but as the days passed this week I started to feel my whole body feeling a similar thing too. It's almost as though my body wasn't sending quite as many signals, but it wasn't quite completely numb. I had a sense of where my pony body was, and had a vague sense of sensory input from it. The first few days was a bit messy in terms of details, but now it's starting to get a bit more accurate in terms of the form that I am taking. The brush in the new pegasus file was amazing in shaping my tail and mane! Before that file, I was having difficulty visualizing my tail correctly.

A few times, the colors of my coat and mane was off, but I'm wondering if that is based on my previous files a year or so ago (at one point I was Rainbow Dash, for instance). By Sunday morning, though, I was able to immerse myself enough to have a sense of my pony body's weight and even vaguely feel my wings if I concentrate. Same goes with the ears, there. I could use a bit more practice in making the sensations more noticeable. Oh! And also, on Friday while I was at work and there wasn't much to do, Vinyl (my tulpa) was really active. We spent pretty much the whole day together. ^^

I've also been searching inside myself, and I think I communicated with a part of myself which had been damaged and the root of many of my issues from a few years ago. This part of myself took the form of my old OC, as I pretty much... split myself, years ago. It was one of my mistakes, but I've been coming to terms with myself this past year so things have been getting better. I'm finally giving this part of myself some love and empathy, rather than shunning myself away. Interesting now that this part of myself is taking a mental form of my old pegasus OC... the one that was more shy. When conversing with this part of me (much like how I talk with a tulpa, but still definitely different), I wondered afterwards if this is a part of my "true" pegasus self... I've already changed my form so many times, I guess I just want stability as Astral Amity, but I can't shake off the feeling that this is still a part of me. Maybe I can still  take the form of Astral, but minor changes might occur with me as I come to terms more with myself.

This was a lengthy post. :v Anyway, to sum it up, I am getting closer to my first goal of focusing on my pony form consistently, though I do still need work. Making sure I am not too tired before hypnosis as well as not playing any videogames right before. That way I can have focused visuals coming in that are not influenced by much else.

Until next week.

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