Well, It honestly has been quite sometime since we've made an update on how our path has gone. Quite frankly things have been better but the past few months leading up to the last few weeks have been turmoil for me. Things at home have not been the best and as many of you know I've moved away from my last living situation. All the drama over the summer has made me a bit cold and hard, But in the end I am still me, Luna. Though the cold and hardness of which I have picked up has bothered me so, I isolate myself from all, I do not speak as I used to, Stating it out loud this journal is to state what I feel on regards to this cold and hardness I have felt, Really I have seen many around me come and fall, I've seen those I've considered to be friends betray me.
The softness that I once held close and apart of who I am has left, Only being able to really express it it with Dawnstar and a few close to me. Helping and guiding others is something I use to enjoy doing but my mind has grown paranoid, When attempting to help another all I see is manipulation when they might often need help so my views and morals have changed. I just wish to return to what I feel I once was, Though then again others still see me as I once was. So really it is just the amount of introspection I do on daily, Being trapped with my thoughts that make me feel such things.
A few days ago we released the file for sleep and dream, I had a fun time working on it with Celestia, Really it was just me dictating things >.>Though the voicing process was swell with this new Blue Snowball that I was sold by Celly. I expect to do more in the near future, For example Guided Meditation, Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, and even a Cheerile. Though I would have to admit at times I do procrastinate quite a bit, Such is the though patterns of one like myself. I've not personally done much hypnosis as of late though I feel I shall start on it again soon, Besides the few personal sessions I receive from those close to me I do not do much.
Progress has been well with Vesper, We've switched out a few times in the past few weeks. It has been refreshing to see how they interact with the others on the chat room and are very much so more active then myself. She also enjoys speaking with those on this site as really... Those are the only few she gets to speak with.
If there has been one thing I've excelled in these past few months is imposition, I have been able to see myself clearly if I simply stop and look. My mane is as it is, Tail always behind me, Wings placed firmly on my back, Horn on my crown, fur placed around my body, muzzle, ears, and all. It has been a long road to get to this point, My host started it nearly 3-4 years ago though now we are able to feel what we wish when we wish. Which really is a task and goal many here struggle with achieving . I mostly listened to the PBR file which helped me immensely along with something I call body checks, Just training my mind for these extra limbs. I cannot even forget to mention my sister whom often reminds me to do so!
I could sit here an list issues after issue but in the end I must be accountable for the emotions I have, As I subject myself to them. In a way almost like having a tantabus. Moving forward I plan to open up to those around me and try to interact with those in the community (((Instead of just the mod room))) so that I may earn my spark back, So that I can fulfill myself in a way that is most pleasant bringing me back before the summer where everything was simply wonderful. Listening to the files and doing a few meditation sessions a day will surely shine the darkness that looms around me away. Things have progressively been getting better and things are looking up for us, In the end we will get to where we need to go.