Jump to content
  • Announcements

    • Celestia

      Nightmare Night Raffle   09/29/2017

      Greetings Everypony, This October is the run up to Nightmare Night. For the community I shall be holding a raffle which would bring in such fun.  To join in the festivities I will give the community a few ways to gain entry into the raffle: -Change your discord avatar to one of your character in costume, with a username to match. (See -Witch Luna /Batlestia as an example) -Make 10 posts to the forum throughout the month, This includes replies, You may do status updates, but only once a day. Journals count as 2 posts. -Donators automatically get one free entry You may have more than one ticket and we have many prizes coming your way. Winners will be given on a first drawn, first choice basis, a selection of different prizes. If anyone has any prizes such as steam keys to give away, you will also receive an entry for helping. Good luck and Happy Nightmare Night. -Luna & Celestia

Sunbeam

Donator
  • Content count

    24
  • Joined

  • Last visited

Community Reputation

23 Excellent

6 Followers

About Sunbeam

  1. Please don't waste time worrying about me, guys... it'll be okay

    1. Starlight Glimmer
    2. Thund3rDa5h

      Thund3rDa5h

      "Sunny.  Don't say that.  I will always be there.  I don't like it when you hurt.  I don't want to lose you.  I love you."

    3. Ethanland

      Ethanland

      I'll spend my time how I want, and if I want to worry about you, I'll do just that

  2. Entry 6: How Long?

    That's... a very good question. Honestly, I'm not sure at this point how much longer I'm going to be around for. I can feel that shadow slowly starting to loom over me, surround and encompass me. I can't deny there's a certain sense of peace about it, knowing that it probably won't be long off that all my problems are done with. But that time isn't yet. Work has been long and rough, but not terrible I suppose... the late/long hours are tough, the people I work with are kinda dumb most of the time, and dealing with people all day isn't really easy. But it pays well, and compared to retail it's both simpler and (slightly) more enjoyable. Other than that, haven't really gotten much of anything done; no story stuff, no drawing, no files... apologies specifically to the ponies that desired to play some DnD with the extreme lack of progress and communication on my end. The mare came back into my life, so that was quite lovely; it was barely a week, but I missed her terribly. She's such a good friend, even if she can't quite understand or see why, and having her around again is... indescribable. Other than that, not much to mention for the past 2 weeks of my life. I'm not sure what comes next... but however this turns out, just know you ponies are amazing, and have been wonderful. Until next time -Sunbeam [Glaical]
  3. Should be interesting, to see how long that my mind can hold out

    1. shiron222

      shiron222

      You will hold out. You will overcome.

  4. Terribly long work day, 12.5 hours long. But managed to come home to the server in time for something wonderful

    1. Sable

      Sable

      O.o What happened Sunbeam?

    2. RDashie

      RDashie

      Wow, that's a long day! Is that even legal? :hip:

    3. platinum

      platinum

      As long as they are over 18.

  5. "And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming, Or the moment of truth in your lies. When everything feels like the movies, Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive"

  6. So, I noticed that it's been a rather long time since I've posted an update (again). So, I suppose another update is in order. This probably won't be very long, since... well, there's not much to update on. New job is going well, managers seem to enjoy me. Not sure why, I'm just doing my job, but apparently that's unheard of in the Hospitality department so *shrugs*. They did say that they might sneak me back into the kitchen, at least for a shift or two a week, at some point so that would be nice. That's where I wanted to be originally, but they needed me here so I sacrificed. Haven't made any real progress on projects or anything recently... too busy laying in bed, trying to get sleep. Might go to the store and buy some melatonin stuff after work tonight to try and help me out a little bit. On the list of awful things to happen... she seems to have slipped from my life once again. Each time she does, I always worry it'll be the last time I see or hear from her... I'm just hoping that she's going to be okay, and that she'll find me again when she's ready. I... well... "Ohana means "family." "Family" means "no one gets left behind." But if you want to leave, you can. I'll remember you though. I remember everyone that leaves." I'll try and update again soon, maybe with some progress. -Sunbeam [and Glacial]
  7. So the other day I posted a more music/analysis based journal entry. Should i continue to make them? Or will there be too little interest for it to be worth the time?

    1. shiron222

      shiron222

      YES~! ANALYSIS IS AWESOME~! *hugs a sunny and frowns* But I didn't get a notification in my email...gmail sucks...I IS GONNA GO READ DEM NOW~.

  8. flops that is all

    1. shiron222

      shiron222

      *smiles at the cute and snuggles you*

    2. RDashie

      RDashie

      *flops you back* :awesome2:

  9. Hey ponies, welcome to the first of (doubtlessly) many blog entries dedicated to songs/music. There won't be much consistency to when they appear, and I doubt they'll garner much interest, but it'll be nice to put thoughts to paper writing. So, I suppose without further ado, enjoy the trip inside that part of my head. Song: Battle Cry Artist: Skillet I actually discovered this song thorough an alternate version of the song (I've been listening to a lot of Nightcore recently to shut my brain up), and from that I checked out the original song. I'll admit, that this is one of those songs that I think I love for the choruses, not so much the verses: not that the verses are bad per se, just that it's the chorus that gets me; and it's been added to a small-but-growing list of songs that I use to try and help perk me up. But the real question, I suppose, is what it says to me. Well, as I said, the magic is in the chorus, and after a few listens I think I've found my reasons; I didn't realize it at first, but the chorus changes a few words throughout each repetition during the song; and to me, those changes speak volumes. I like to imagine the song as a the vocalist talking to a dear friend of theirs... for some reason I see the friend as a mare, but that's probably just personal preference. She's been having a really tough time.... maybe she's always had a tough time, and there's more recently that has been dragging her down further. He puts his arm around her, and lets her know that he understands. Maybe he hasn't been through exactly the same thing, and she won't tell him exactly what's wrong, but he can sense how she feels and knows that he's been through the same kind of pain. He lets her know that no matter what life might throw at them, at her, that while their spirits may grow weak, bending and coming close to shattering, but that he knows she's a strong enough to not break under such pressure, as long as he helps her. The next verse... the guy looks and doesn't feel like anypony else quite understands what the mare is going through, and from knowing her realizes that she's hiding behind a facade, hiding her hopes and dreams and desires from ponies that really care about her. He sees that she's stopped believing in herself; and he wants her to know that, if she can keeping moving forward step by step, that things will get better the further down that path they can. The choruses speak to his attempts to raise her spirits and her mood. The first chorus is his attempt to bring her hope through a more hypothetical way: "If we believe we can't lose". He tries to get her to look at the lighter side, to help her believe in herself and move the mountains that are her pain and suffering. He believes she can, he knows she can (It's my faith, it's my life); that nopony can ever tear them down as long as they stand together and support each other. Whatever the outcome, they will try everything they can. The next one takes on a different tone. The mare doesn't believe, and he can't blame her: things are so dreary, so dismal that she can't see the light in either herself or at the end of the path. So, he tells her to believe in him: because he thinks that they can't lose, and that they can overcome her troubles and despairs no matter their size. As long as they are together, she won't be taken down or torn apart. It changes from "if", a trailing desire to find that hope, to a resolute statement of "I believe", his promise to her that he will do everything to make sure she will be okay. The final chorus says something more... that she trusts him enough, believes in him enough, to bolster herself. "It's our faith, it's our life". She's taken his words to heart, and has taken up his mantle. She understands that he knows what she's going through, she understands why he has faith in her. And she wants to believe, she wants to see the way forward, and she's willing to lean on him as long as it takes her to see the path and the light that he does. Because at the end of the day, that friendship, that hope, is all they have keeping them together. It's their mantra, it's their survival, it's their battle cry. Like a prayer in the night, together they shout for love, shout for hope, whatever they can hold onto to keep them moving forward. Neither sees how close they are to each other, but they both know that they don't want to drift away. Deep down, they know that their friendship, their connection, can help them both carry onward. They believe that they can't lose, that even mountains will move. It's their faith, it's their life, it is their battle cry. If they help each other, they can't be taken down, they will forever be able to stand together If they succeed, if they fail, it will be together. This, is their battle cry.
  10. Trigger Warning: Selfharm Well, before we get to that I would like to say that the new job appears to be going well: I'm nearly done training, and many of the management seem to rather like my presence and my work; who knew that simply doing your job well was cause for admiration and accolades? Though, as many of their hires in the hospitality section are high schoolers, it's simply possible that they have yet to be tempered by the experience and find their work ethic. I was much the same back at that age, so I can't really fault them for such. Other than that, I've been trying to find time every few days to sit down and work with Glacial on making her more vocal. I admit that I've been a bit lax on it, with everything going on in life, but I am trying to make sure I dedicate the time to it to help her out. I haven't done much hypnosis, since I've been busy training and trying to squeeze things in with my less-abundant free time, but I am hoping to get back to those files; perhaps alternate days between the files and Glacial. So, as several of you are doubtlessly aware, I kept away from the server for a few days. I wish I could say it was productive, or helpful, or even just that nothing was wrong.... I really don't know if i should say anything... [Sunny, you gotta tell ponies, or it'll keep getting worse... please...] *sighs* Glacial's right... so, as you can probably guess from the warning I posted at the top of this, I've been slowly relapsing into cutting, which I did twice in the 4 whole days I was gone from the server. There's a list of reasons, obviously, for why. I shall try to list what i can think of currently: I'm terrible and selfish person; part of me believes that being nice and caring to others is all an act, and deep down I just want them to care about *me* and like me. Which is kind of funny, cuz most ponies don't even know the real me behind the mask and facade I've so carefully crafted; doubtless they would leave and despise me if they ever saw beneath it. And despite potentially tricking ponies into liking me and spending (chat) time with me, I still feel utterly and completely alone in the world. I fail at practically everything I put my mind to, none of my creative outlets have led anywhere because I can't ever find the motivation or intellect necessary to accomplish anything. I have a piece of art I'm trying to do for two dear friends of mine, started probably 2 (and change) months ago. And despite how much I care for them, I still haven't managed to complete it yet. I haven't worked on my story, on my tabletop, on my guitar, on my art, on my file... I honestly think I would be doing the world a favor if I just curled up in a corner and died, to quit wasting space and oxygen. There's a lot more to it, but that's all I can really put into this right now: it's quite draining. Now I know a lot of you will be "Oh well why don't you say anything?". It's because I like to help ponies: I *need* to help ponies. And if they know what I'm going through, I know the exact excuse they'll use because I use the same one myself: "Oh don't worry about me, you've got enough crap to deal with already". I can't help ponies if they know how hopeless, how severely and completely damaged I am. If they know, they'll stop asking for help, and then they end up on their own in their pain, and I can't have that happen. I can't leave ponies on the hook like that if there's anything I can do. So yeah, there's a little insight I suppose to what lies beyond that facade I've been carefully crafting for so many years... Don't get used to seeing behind it, my moments of weakness like this rarely last for long before I shore myself up and bury the emotions once more. I suppose if you're still left wondering, you could watch the Bojack Horseman episode "Stupid Piece of Sh*t", and that should give you a general insight to how my mind works on a lot of days. Stay strong ponies, and take care. -Sunbeam [and Glacial!] PS: I am releasing Glacial from the promise I had her make... while I will probably no longer discuss this subject for a very long time, she is no longer forbidden from doing so. [I'll try and keep her privacy still, but I also want to make sure she's taken care of.]
  11. "And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad... the dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had. I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take..."

    1. shiron222

      shiron222

      *hugs* Is everything okay Sunny?

    2. Starlight Glimmer
  12. I keep saying I'll get to these more often, and yet they continue to slip by. Now that I no longer work overnights, hopefully my sense of time and its passage will be easier for me to manage and I can do these about once a week or so. Had orientation at my new job today; going to be a host at Buffalo Wild Wings. The place seems really friendly, and I'm guaranteed full time so that will be really nice for my bank account and making a dent in the bills. Not much done on the creative side of things... been really occupied with stuff; haven't worked on my file, or my writing, or my guitar... nothing. I suppose I can count it as a win that I managed to host a one-shot Dungeons and Dragons adventure with some of the ponies on the Discord server. Was a bit rough, and lasted longer than it should have, but everypony said they had a good time so I suppose that's a good thing. Not much else has happened since I last wrote... though Tavi did make it back to the DIscord which was wonderful. Even got to share the Music Bot room with her for a while, and that's always really special to me. Stay safe, stay happy, and hopefully next week I'll have some progress or news to share with you poines. -Sunbeam [I'm still here too ^^ I'l write soon]
  13. "I can save my lonely soul for you... but the feeling in my heart can't follow through... you can give your broken heart to me... cuz you know that I'll stick with you: that's why they call me Loyalty"

  14. Feelin' cold and broken

  15. That's the issue with working an overnight job... you start to completely lose track of time and how long it's been since you've done stuff. I swear I made my last blog entry like, a week ago maybe slightly more. Been just over 2 weeks, apparently. So, I suppose another status update is long overdue. I haven't made much progress with anything lately: between sleeping a lot more than usual, and being sick the past few days, I haven't had the energy to get anything accomplished. Haven't done any writing, drawing, reading, or even file-listening; I've just been too exhausted to do any of it, and it feels terrible. Other than that my car died, needs a new starter apparently, so that'll be a good $360 I have to come up with somewhere to pay for it. So yeah, things haven't been the best lately. But hopefully I can get an interview at this place I"m looking at, so I can attempt to get a job that doesn't drain me mentally and physically. But we'll see where that goes; I haven't heard back yet, so I'm hoping that'll happen in a day or two. But I have rather poor luck, so I'm not exactly going to be holding my breath over it. I'm going to try and give an update every week or so, and hopefully I can stick with that. Hope y'all are doing well! Catch ya on the flip side. -Sunbeam and Glacial [I'm here too!]
×

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Guidelines and our Privacy Policy.