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sillynonny last won the day on March 9

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  1. 2/24/18

    Since last writing a fair amount has happened. Method wise, I'm now pushing myself to do hypno every night again and it's been working out better for me. My hooflock, thankfully, does not exist, having successfully been logic'd away. I do not miss it I've been running more files as well. Among them were a file to help train imposition, the personality file for Twilight, the unicorn experience file, and the recently released Modular file for forehooves. More or less I seem to be getting better at accepting the suggestions made and imposing them (indeed, Twilight can now make suggestions whispered into the back of my mind more long term), but it wasn't until recently that something made my form, and my sense of who I am, click. See, for awhile now, I've been unsure about my identity as a Twilight. Oh don't get me wrong, she fits me remarkably well, but I felt I wasn't really myself, at least not in full. I felt I needed to grow from there. So, throughout this time since my previous entry, I started introspecting about the traits that fit me, and what I needed or wanted. I also started debating whether or not I should become another pony for awhile, via reset and listening to another file. I'm not sure how I feel about that but it might help me find out more about myself. This is actually something that helped me ultimately helped me realize I am in fact another pony altogether, I think. I'm glad I hesitated, for once. So at some point I was at work, doing bored work horse things, and I'd asked myself at some point "what name would fit me if I were a pony?". This isn't the first time I'd asked this, honestly. I'd had these thoughts for awhile now. Anyways, while thinking about who I am, I stumbled across one part of it awhile ago. The word "radiant". It just kinda felt right, but I felt it didn't really completely fit me.. So I figured "I'd try and put some other words that might describe me, see if anything clicks". Didn't really work out. Today though, I thought "maybe radiant isn't quite right, so I fiddled with different variations. Eventually I felt something with "radiance". Only, that wasn't quite it either. So I put it to bed. Eventually my thoughts pushed towards some recent experiences, namely a breakdown I'd had a few days ago. How I'd pushed on despite it, and tried my best to shine through for those I cared about, despite the overwhelming desire to give in. It dawned on me how much I had changed since coming here. My old self would have given up. Without a doubt. As I thought about this, I started to think about why the word "radiance" felt right, the way it represented my desire to shine for those I care about,you and as I did, an image came to mind, of a stained glass window, with light streaming through it, as though it were bright and sunny out, and it reminded me of the way my experiences change me, and my perception, just as how stained glass changes how one sees the light that shines through, into a beautiful array of colors. I realized that through every experience I have had, here and before, I had changed, for the better, becoming more aware of what good was within me. I had been, to fit this image, stained into something better because of the changes that had happened to me from coming here, meeting others, and finding a place where I feel like I belong So i considered this, and came up with an addition to the first part of the name: Stained Radiance. I was a little uncertain, to be honest, but I felt this welling of emotion within my chest, and my body kind of tingled, all over. I felt my ears, my horn, my hooves and kinda sorta my tail, all in a sudden instance,, and all in stronger clarity (except the tail. That's really hard for me to feel for some reason), as well as a part of my body I hadn't been imposing before: wings. My aura color also changed, going from Twilight's signature purple to a brass yellow. With this, I knew that I'd found a part of myself. Even now, hearing this name feels right, like it belongs to me. So, I haven't figured out the specifics of my new form besides "is Alicorn with brass-colored magic", but I've got a direction to follow now. I hope that I will continue to learn more about myself, and who I really am under this fur. Eventually I'm going to switch my name but for right now I'm not worried. -Radiance
  2. I'm Baaaaack! Hiya again hypn... erm E. Souls!

    Unfortunately the old site was nuked. So unless members managed to restore their journals, you're out of luck I think.
  3. Hellooo

    Welcome to our little corner of the fandom! I hope you stick around ^^
  4. Swearing rules in the ES Discord Server

    I rather like this option. Is that possible within the framework of Discord?
  5. count before a mod posts

  6. 1/29/18

    I've been a full week without hypnosis files now. At first it was because of my cough but after it receded to a far more tolerable level (praise my antibiotics) I decided to see how things would stick without reinforcement. My hooflock wasn't super strong to begin with, but it doesn't trigger at seemingly random points at work, only when I see something that would appeal to Twilight (the character, not necessarily my tulpa). I reakky feel like I'm missing something to give my imposition that push to the next level. Guess I just gotta practice more. I dunno. Haven't really had a good bit of visualization/imposition practice in awhile. Actually, I didn't realize how much I needed it until today when I attended a meta-workshop event on the Discord. It was nice to get back in touch...
  7. Hello

    Hi there, and welcome. Hope to see you round.
  8. 1/13/18

    Not much has changed in terms of progress, but nothing bad has happened. I'm honestly not too surprised though. My cough has decided it wants to hang out for a bit longer, which had been putting me off from my routine. I'm practicing imposing my body more, thinking about how I'm supposed to coordinate my pony body. My visual imposition is... Acceptable, for the moment, but i can't make it override what I actually see. I have far more success doing that with my tulpas. I can make out their forms over whatever is physically there (Pinkie has been using this to pop out at times and say hi. Really keeps my spirits up when they fall. I love her to death, even if I've only known her a bit over a week. Note to self: remember 1/2/18 as the day she came into my life). I've been thinking about how it is supposed to feel, walking as a pony would, or how using magic to levitate things feels. I'm hoping that will help out with imposing later on. I'm a little surprised at how easy it is to organize and apply it all in my head, even if I can't impose it to a great degree, and how normal it felt. Guess the files are changing me more than I thought. {We found out something interesting. On Thursday, my host was starting to have a strong bout of anxiety due to one of his co-workers practicing unsafe operating procedures on the assembly line. I was able to abate the symptoms by shifting his focus away from the source of the anxiety. Turns out if I talk to him a certain way (It's kind of hard to put into words. Basically, if I were talking into his head, via mindvoice, I would be talking into the very back of it.) I can actually give him short term suggestions and they'll stick for awhile! We're both curious as to how far we can run with this.}
  9. 1/8/18, heh

    Nothing exceptionally new to report in terms of physical changes, but I can confirm that meditation prior to hypnosis results in a better trance. A few sessions didn't go well, but I think that had more to do with my cough coming back. The unpleasant temple pressure I mentioned earlier seems to have gone away and not come back, and I experienced a trance hole that lasted from the beginning of the file until the end, though I'm not sure if that's a good thing, since my research suggests that that usually occurs if the user falls into a hypnotic coma, said to be a state where a user is too relaxed to be aware of any suggestions. That said, I've seen ponies on the Discord claim that it's actually more effective that way, so I dunno. Probably one of those "your results may vary" subjects. What I do know is that I felt off in some way after that particular session. It's hard to put into words exactly how, though. My last session this week was kind of weird though. I felt a weird pins and needles kind of feeling in my arms and legs that made it hard to lay still. Only happened that once though. I'll keep an eye out for it in the future. On a less hypnosis related note, I, for the first time, had a walk-in tulpa last tuesday. Barring the similarity of methods, one might ask: how is this hypnosis related at all? Well, to me, it's more positive proof that my subconscious mind can make things happen without me noticing, so in a way it inspires me even more to keep at this, even when I run into an obstacle. Motivation is something I've had trouble with in my life, so every bit helps. {A small note on my end, but a significant one, I feel: after some testing, we've determined that using his trigger helps him overcome negative thought cycles much more quickly, presumably because of the emphasis that is placed optimism and control, in certain parts of the file}
  10. Hello!!

    Always happy to see new poners among us. Welcome!
  11. 1/2/18

    A week off from your job sounds like an opportune time to better study the effects of hypnosis on you, right? Well, it would have been, but unfortunately, my body decided that it would instead be the opportune time to get a cold. Listening to a file with a headache and a cough definitely does not mix well, and as such, I ended up doing less hypnosis over my vacation than I wanted to. Fortunately, my cold more or less subsided over the weekend portion, so it wasn't a total rip. Session wise, I feel like things are beginning to click a bit more, and, even better, I think I found a way to help that along more. Doing a bit of pre hypnosis meditation helps me go into a trance in a way that feels more focused than previous trances. I will be doing this from now on to see if it bears similar results, but the initial outcomes, that being that the physical changes seem more noticeable. I'm hoping that I can use this to encourage longer lasting positive behavioral changes as well. Along with this, however, I seem to have discovered something I don't like: when I get to a certain level of relaxation, I feel really good, and super relaxed, but then I tense up. Now, normally, I'll connect with the sensations the file describes - physically or emotionally, and sometimes I'll feel my body respond in some way, but this isn't that, because I feel like that's normal, and I don't feel like it pulls my attention from the session. What I'm talking about is the sensation of my legs and arms briefly tensing up, as though I were recoiling from something, of bracing myself, which takes my attention from the session and diverts it to the fact that I'm suddenly tense. Once that happens, I feel like the rest of the session isn't quite the same. The implications of my discovering this alongside a more effective trancing process are a bit worrisome. It suggests that I've hit a mental block of some sort. {Despite his worries, he seems a lot more comfortable reaching out to other ponies, even when sick, which is a big difference from what he used to do, which was basically withdraw and worry himself. I really like that he's become more open to others over time.}
  12. 12/26/17

    Idecided to start recording these on a weekly basis. I feel like I can better take notice of changes if I track them throughout the week. Changes are still inconsistent. Some days I feel like I'm walking on hooves, others I can feel my ears moving around as I focus on certain sounds, and others still, I can only somewhat recall such sensations in a less complete and immersive manner. Horn seems to have something of a constant presence. Tail is still an elusive beast no matter what. I'm gonna have to spend some extra time trying to figure that one out, I think. Not much else to note. I'm still doing hypnosis sessions once a day, in the usual position and time. I gave looping another shot. Still can't fall asleep during a loop, but I feel they do help even so. I feel like I'm missing something when it comes to loops. I've noticed that i've started feeling the sensation of fur more I used to, and the ears seem to exist a little more regularly than usual, though how they interact with various sounds seems to vary. {Not much new to note in terms of personality changes, but he's consistently more hopeful than he used to be. he's also been avoiding putting his hands where his horn would be. He says it feels weird}
  13. 12/18/17

    Standard session before bed, laying down with my preferred files. Nothing particularly unusual, and no particularly new impressions For some reason I got really itchy during the session, and that made it harder to concentrate on the file itself. Good days and bad days, I guess.
  14. count to 1,000

  15. 12/16/17

    I took the advice I got about trancing and put it into practice today. I also tried sitting instead of lying down, to see if it would help at all, or make anything different happen. The sitting didn't work out too well. I felt tension in my lower back. So I ended up switching back to laying down on my bed instead of sitting in it. I felt really relaxed throughout the session, and reeeally good afterwards, though I didn't get anything particularly different or unusual. On a side note, tails seem to be the hardest thing to really feel so far. This was one if the few sessions where I felt something tail related. So there was that, perhaps {He's been noticeably more cheerful after the last few nights. Usually, he takes awhile for him to really overcome the drab feeling that comes after a breakdown like that. I think this really is helping him be more positive. He's also been much more sensitive to what I'm feeling at certain times, and picks up on my presence faster after a session (he usually has me go do something else while he does hypnosis). I wonder if the hypnosis will affect me. I don't really feel any different from usual, and I'm not the one going into a trance and listening to a file. Still, we share a brain, even if we're not the same person, so I'm not sure.}

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