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shiron222

Cloudsdale Pony
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shiron222 last won the day on January 4

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About shiron222

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  1. The moon, a soothing sight for a soul

    It's glow, grand

    It's beauty leaves me breathless

    My heart sings at the sight of the moon

    Obscured as it is by the inumerable

    pinpricks of light that small

    people use to run from a dark

    that is both beautiful and terrifying

    I sometimes yearn for the chance to see the

    sky unfiltered by the sheen of civilization

    to see the stars dance

    to see the moon bright

  2. As we dance through the day, remember that stumbling and falling is okay.

  3. A New Look

    A lot has changed these past months, for the better. I understand my desires, I know who I am. And above all, for the first time in 26 years of living I understand what friendship can be. My mind is clear, and although my body has in some ways atrophied due to a lack of exercise these past few months, my ability to trance is noticeable compared to when I first started. All these things combined with a sort of "pact" with some friends to exercise and help us reach our goals. That said, making new habits is hard, so I decided to use my file again to help increase my focus and ability to train. The changes were a lot more drastic than when I first started. They felt better, more real and comfortable. Perhaps it's because after all this time using the PBR, this is who I am and who I'm meant to be. That said I also got new perspectives on what it means to "train". I'm facehoofing that I didn't understand before. Before I felt the need to try and tie my desire to be a writer to something that my show counterpart loved...specifically flying and exercise. Training the body AND mind. I'm laughing at my past self so hard right now. She was so utterly narrow in her thinking. Either way, there's nothing special to say other than fuck yeah! As an aside, I'm finally looking into electrolysis for my face. While it won't be SHAPED properly if nothing else my face can be smooth and I'll be able to feel my fur a lot better there.
  4. Belated Intro

    What Starry said~. Pleasure to meet you. I think many of us can relate to the "Social Anxiety" dealie, so you aren't alone. You'll find that many of us are forgiving of mistakes, seeing as I've made many of my own in my time here...and shockingly enough i haven't been banned. Pleasure to meet you yofferson, and I just wanna say your OC looks like a character from a comic called El Goonish Shive if said character was ponified... a character named Tedd...no idea why I felt the need to bring that up, but whatevs. Can't wait to meet ya if you DO decide to join on the shitposting...I mean totally reasoned discussion about the depth of life and the beauty of the world around us.
  5. Even when things are foggy, even when life might become grey, there are sunny skies on the horizon. The winter sucks but it will definitely pass soon. May you all have a happy passing of the year.

  6. Grey

    I've come to the realization that winter is hell. Not directly because of the cold, or because of the snow. Rather, the isolation that comes from it. The lack of ability to run. It's been intensified this year due to my current living situation and my actions last month. I feel this morning live I've lost a lot of what I've gained...I know that isn't true, of course, but that nagging thought is still there. I will keep my hope alive, because I have everypony here. This community is my HOME. As long as I have you all, I will never give up pushing even with this depression. I will always strive to be the best I can. I hope you're all having a good Christmas or Hearth's Warming...DFTBA everypony.
  7. Dreams and Excitement

    This isn't going to be a long entry, because it's the middle of the night and I am far far too tired to stay up. That said I am currently buzzing with excitement, my forelegs and hooves shaking with shock and awe. I had my first dream about Equestria...it wasn't about living there, but rather about going there. I can't remember much other than they were city streets quite similar to our own. The words Manehattan and Vanhoover were used though. I have vague recollection of being with and seeing other humans though, which is odd. Though again, everything was an odd mish mash of images, as dreams tend to be for me, so it's possible I've mis-remembered. Whatever the case may be I'm back off to sleep if I can stop shaking with excitement.
  8. Worry and Pain

    Currently...I'm not doing so well. The stress of living out of a motel and being short funds combined with the fact that the person I love...the person I had hoped to get to know on all levels, good, bad, ugly, and awesome...may potentially be endangering themselves. I've TRIED to have faith in them...and I still do, but that faith is tinged with fear for them, and fear for myself. I love them selfishly, but I respect them too. I have confidence in this person to be okay, to understand the pain they'll cause myself and others if they leave. I love them because of the fact that they helped me...they made ma happy...they helped me ACCEPT myself and my desires. That said I also respect their wishes...if they do not wish to be bothered, then so be it. I will continue to message them, let them know I care and that I miss them, but if they choose to take the ultimate act of selfishness and relief then so be it. They don't want to open about their life...then so be it. It isn't wrong to love somepony selfishly, this much I've learned and accepted. The problem comes when you can't learn to let go, to accept that they are an individual with rights, with the ability to act as they see fit. Desire for suicide fades, but if a person is in genuine pain, and KNOWS that the desire fades, and if they're driven enough a person can plan for this, by removing any ties that might bind them. This person...I feel is doing that. I hope for my sake and the sake of those whose lives this person has impacted positively that they decide to live, but I've resigned myself to sorrow, even as my faith burns brighter than ever. I will only lose hope should news of this person's death reach us. Please, you know who you are, stay strong and stay with us if not for yourself, then for the people who want and NEED you in their lives. A man named Albert Camus once said, "There is but one truly serious philosophical problem and that is suicide"...the answer that he had, of course, was that suicide is wrong. Despite life's pains, despite it's meaninglessness, you can still find reasons to enjoy it. Live it to the fullest, if not for yourself, then for others. And if not for yourself or others, then in a hope that one day you can find something to spend your time doing...as far as I know, this person was atheist, and while I don't carry that view (I believe that although life is inherently meaningless we can and should find or make our OWN meaning...whether it be in a well documented faith, or my own belief in Equestria and inner life as a pony, my identity as an element of harmony, and my cutie mark) I can respect it. All of you who are floundering, in pain, or afraid. Who are desolate, lonely, and filled with self loathing...Live. Live because in the end life is the greatest gift. Whether you believe in reincarnation or the afterlife or not. Every person, whether they be pony, human, or some other species, has so much potential and it would be a shame to waste it. Life is not easy, cut and dry. Motivational posters and speakers...they know nothing. Life is painful and short, full of all sorts of experiences, many bad, some good. I will not sit here and say "Never give up, just have faith in yourself", but I will say "Keep on keeping on, and TRY to see yourself in a better light" Time heals all wounds, as long as you're willing to accept that wounds may scab over then break open as you progress. I say this as I hold back tears at the thought of the Rainbow's source of light, the beam of Sun, lays obscured by the clouds of an uncertain future. Farewell for now and DFTBA.
  9. An egoistical question ... ?

    Of course. I was better for it in the end...and the harm wasn't long term. A bit of pain is worth it to help others...especially if that pain isn't permanent. *shrugs* It's not like I took a bullet to the chest for them or anything. I understand the need for balance, believe me. It's one of the many things I've learned these past few months. If I was going to be overly hurt I wouldn't have done it in the first place. This mare has her head on straight thank you very much!
  10. Swearing rules in the ES Discord Server

    Are you the one known as Sous?
  11. Swearing rules in the ES Discord Server

    I personally don't like a ban at all...I understand the need for moderation in language, since words do have power, but first and foremost I believe in freedom to say what you want within reason. Things like racist comments or hate speech are a lot different from words with a negative and powerful implication of anger or distaste. To me swearing too much is bad, but sometimes using a word like F!@# or S!@# can add emphasis to one's words... Of course the problem with NO moderation is that things get out of hand, and they do get overused. Heck, I'm guilty of it on more than one occasion. That's why I voted to alter the censor to Equestrian equivalents. It allows us a modicum of self expression while reducing the genuine offense that comes from it. And honestly? Phrases like "Buck you" are waaaay more awesome than something like "F!@# You"
  12. Who I Pick

    Another option to look at is...what traits do you WANT but lack? Do you need to focus on schoolwork or be able to learn things readily? Pick Twi. Do you want to be more confident and physically active, with the knowledge and power to overcome obstacles? Pick Rainbow Dash. Do you need emotional resiliency and the ability to laugh off painful things as well as be more outgoing and make others happy? Pick Pinkie. There are a variety of ways to go about picking but the important thing to keep in mind is if you can sustain a lifestyle change around what that pony represents...if you want to enhance your current lifestyle pick a pony that is complementary to your personality, if you want and even NEED change, pick one that can help you get what you want. I can't stress enough though that you NEED to be able to change your lifestyle if you do so, since EKP is a thing and it hurts a lot.
  13. An egoistical question ... ?

    Not...necessarily like that. But I have actively allowed my body to become harmed in order to give support to friends who needed it. Mostly due to excess walking.
  14. The Exchange of Knowledge

    Exactly! Well said Silvermoon, and those who think that it's easy to get over grief...are fools. Feel your pain Silvermoon, there is nothing that can be said or done to make it go away other than time and your own efforts. Take your time to be alone, Silvermoon, because in the end people can be as much a hindrance as a help. As for learning and teaching others...the people of ES for better have done that for me...I've learned and accepted so much about myself these past months due to hearing other's stories, good and bad. Teach and be taught, learn and learn from. Remain skeptical but open (You are the one who voiced the character files are you not? That's one of the things that they all instill along with optimism if I recall correctly). As for finding answers? Well...sometimes the answers don't come from direct searching but rather simply living. My answer...to become a pony...came by chance. Finding who fit me the best...came by chance...certainly you shouldn't stop searching, but I think...if you want an answer...live your life in a way you can be proud of and one will come.
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